What's something that men think is impressive, but really isn't?

My dads ‘famous authentic curry’ arghhh
’better than any restaurant’ made with his own ‘spice blend’
Whole thing used to become a Three Act Opera with every pan in the house used, grease everywhere and still ended up tasting of school dinner, tinned tomato and curry powder.
Even the mere suggestion of a (delicious) Indian takeaway would send him into a frenzy as he could make us ‘the real thing’

He does the same now with Paella ( which he insists on pronouncing Pi-edge-er) which is essentially overcooked yellow rice with shrivelled prawns, hard carrots, and grey peas

He expects a standing ovation and fawning praise and sulks when he doesn’t get it.

lol love him lots but what man- child

On the subject of food- fair enough to like what you like, but it's making a big show of liking
ultra dark chocolate, "Only 85% cocoa? it's far too sweet, I like 98.7% minimum"
Meat cooked rare - loudly declaiming "really blue steak, knock the horns off it, wipe its arse and slap it on the plate" (often said by some dope who would no more dehorn a bullock than fly to the moon)
Or really hot curry (amusingly reversed in the Goodness Gracious Me "Going For An English" sketch).

A male colleague was boasting at work that his 11 month old son can already swipe to expand the image on a phone and knows how to scroll through photos. Whilst this might demonstrate pretty good hand eye coordination it really isn't very impressive the child has already had that much screen exposure.

Oh God, oh God, the ex's sad Christmas dinner! It was trailed for months...."I'm going to have to cook you Christmas Dinner with my famous roast potatoes, I'm so good at them" etc etc.

On Christmas day I made nut roast (from scratch), bread sauce (from scratch), stuffing, braised red cabbage (from scratch), cauliflower cheese (from scratch), red wine gravy (from scratch), sautéed sprouts with chestnuts, roast potatoes and parsnips, Christmas pudding (from Lidl) and home made mince pies for me and the DC.

On Boxing Day I went round XPs and with immense excitement he produced a Quorn roast and Bisto gravy, overcooked carrots and sprouts and the famous roast potatoes, which were....fine. And I had to praise it to the heavens 🙄.

I swear, one of the chief reasons I stopped dating is that I refuse to feign excitement over this kind of mediocre food offering ever again.

Maybe we should have clapped for them instead of the NHS during COVID, surely they were the real heroes working whilst home-schooling the kids,.. oh wait...

Damn it, I came on to say this and thought I was being original.

WHY THE SPLASHING FOR THE LOVE OF GOD?! No swimming teacher in the land teaches you to do front crawl like that! Where on EARTH did you get the idea that splashing is an essential element of it?

There is nothing that produces more Toe curling /face clawing /teeth itching cringe/ minge inversion than a man strumming a guitar (badly) singing (badly) let it be/wonderwall/blowing in the wind at the end of a party
shudder …

"Oh god that was dh and his mums/nans famous pasta sauce."

Yep definitely recognise this although your DH does get half a point for crediting women with the recipe. The ones I have known have claimed it was "their" famous whatever. I had a brief thing with a nice chap who told me about four times in the space of a holiday fling about his famous chocolate cake that all his old flatmates used to race about apparently. He made it and presented it with that theatrical flourish and expectant look that they do. It was a perfectly serviceable basic chocolate cake. My mum's was nicer.
The best cakes I have had have been made by a couple of the female cattle vets that I work with, and when I remark on the amazingness they're always quick to say, oh thanks- it's a Mary Berry / Sally's Baking Addiction recipe and pretty easy to follow, I'll whatsapp you

See also ‘proverb’ ones written in Celtic /Hebrew/Sanscrit or Chinese etc when said written form bears no relation at all
to any aspect of the man’s life lol

Or when they tell you
the ‘meaning’ behind each tattoo including the ones that represent their kids (usually protector lion related)kids they never/are not allowed to see !

Catching fish.
I love Gone Fishing with Bob Mortimer Paul Whitehouse but ffs why do men use photos of themselves with a big gasping fish as their profile pictures on OLD?

Looking after their own children, completing basic household tasks, can they have a round of applause please?!?!

Guilty as charged …

Me too, I;m 5' tall !

😆

Their fucking opinions.

Also they think women are hopeless. I was once reverse parking (doing it fine) when some twat banged on the boot of my car and started guiding me into the space with overbuy dramatic arm gestures. I ignored him as I was doing fine. He then gave me a thumbs up and I put the window down and asked what the fuck he was doing. He said ‘helping you get into the space!’ I asked why as I was doing fine and didn’t need his help. He hit attendant said ‘well yeah you get a bus in there! I said ‘exactly so I didn’t need your help at all!’ Prick