AIBU to question using spinster and old maid for single women

Excellent post. I agree.
It's really difficult for anybody under a certain age to get this concept.
Like no sex outside of marriage. At all.

She really was a spinster. She called herself such.

By her own choice.

So I'm not going to condemn anybody who refers to her as such.

It's not really on though to refer it to every old unmarried woman who's died.

She lived more independently than a lot of women who would call themselves feminist too.
But that's another subject.

@BogRollBOGOF When women got married they were described as a “spinster of this parish” and it was a normal term as bachelor was. Old maid is a bit derogatory but old is frequently used in every generation to describe someone not young! Both for men and women. As AW had died in awful circumstances, keeping your mouth shut is the best policy.

Why not just say single? That is enough.

Ann Widdicombe was an independent woman who made her own independent way in the world and from a generation where that was empowered move. There wasn't the legal equality in place in her youth.

It's an appropriate word that she was comfortable with.

In the 19th and much of the 20th century, being a Spinster was undesirable in a culture of financial restrictions, and value in being married young and raising a family. DM is a few years older and feared being "left on the shelf" by 21.
Ironically younger women are increasingly rejecting coupling up and having families as a societal expectation and a "spinster" lifestyle is increasingly popular.

It's a word that has potential to be reclaimed for it's positive attributes of independence.

Spinster means single woman... with a subtext of age. Maid means young single woman - hence old maid also being used. Ann Widdecombe preferred "most definitely a spinster" (heard her use it at a literary talk once)

Bachelor means single man. Old bachelor adds age and "spinster" connotations of marriage no longer being an option.

Some men get peeved at the "eternal bachelor" subtext... which has nothing to do with age.

Who cares? Not everyone wants to meet someone. I couldn’t care less if someone called me a spinster.

Does it not become exhausting to find offence in every thing under the sun? I really couldn't care a toss.

I really don’t care

It is the usual misogynist view that women's only value is given to them by men and that their only purpose in life is to be a partner to a man and a mother to children...

Those incredibly old fashioned terms that should not be used.

''@TrishM80
So the guy had to apologise for accurate use of the English language?''

No he had to apologise for being a pathetic little misogynist making disparaging comments about a murdered woman.

I have never heard anyone say spinster or old maid except in old Hollywood films.

That’s just blatantly untrue. No one would refer to someone in a relationship as a spinster just because they used to be single (and so a spinster). The implication is you would cease to be a spinster once in a relationship.

I think it’s different to single though, as spinster does imply (to me) that you’ve never had a long term relationship, rather than just being, say, between relationships.

And don’t most marriage certificates still say Bachelor and Spinster?

I think it means that in her belief system, you're married or you're single - no in-between. No serial monogamy, premarital sex etc. She lived like most people did prior to about 1970 - when there were very different ways of life for married and unmarried women and you couldn't just dip in and out of relationships. You needed different terms for the different categories of people because they were different categories. She was relic of a world where marriage, sex and children went together and you didn't get to pick which you wanted. Where women could only commit to a career if there weren't going to be children. "Spinsters" don't exist in the same way now because women who commit to celibacy are...well, not extinct, but very rare.

I didn’t know that - thank you!

I have never heard anyone use it around ot under 50

I dunno, Widdecombe seemed to lean into the whole "spinster" identity. And she once said she would sue anyone who suggested she wasn't an actual "maid" (virgin). She was one of the last of a dying breed. I think she'd have also liked it just fine if she'd been called a battleaxe etc. Bless her.

Misogyny alive and well.

TBH it was fairly tame compared with the stuff that some creature who calls themself Heather Herbert apparently posted

Spinster is NOT ok for the above reason. Once you’re a spinster you always are according to most people grrrr.

The thing is it’s a label. So if someone is called a spinster, it’s almost like there’s a massive assumption they’re without a partner now so it will always be this way. It’s doesn’t account for people who don’t want to meet anyone right now or they’re looking and will meet someone in the future.

As a side note it’s extremely rare for the word to be used in my experience.

On our wedding banns it said bachelor and spinster!

Spinster is just about ok. Old Maid ranks up there with ‘left on the shelf’ as misogynistic and condescending.

Because we’re valued by what goes in and what comes out of our vaginas.

No

It was more that he chose to make certain remarks, including on her personal life, rather than remembering her for having major political career.

if he had been commenting on a man, he certainly would not have been making those personal remarks.

The point is, she had just died, it had been revealed she was murdered, and he reduced her to her sexual experience. Can you imagine him doing that about a male politician of long standing and renown?

I’ve embraced it and quite like referring to myself as Spinster of this Parish.

I’ve never tried spinning yarn but would have a go.