AIBU to think a New Zealand wedding is too much to expect?

How old are the children? If it’s in Jan 28ish then wouldn’t school be an issue?

Well they might have judged that wrongly. But I don't think words like "presumptuous" or the thread title are fair.

Mt Fiji...?

Flights in December/January are really expensive and get booked up fairly quickly during the equivalent of UK school summer holidays.

And it can be really hot during those months! You will need to factor in car hire costs too

there's "keen" and then there is pressure.

My husbands sister didn't come to our wedding due to studying for an exam a few weeks away. Our wedding was in the same country as her. Everyone is entitled to say no. I personally wouldnt go due to the financial pressure it would put you under.

I love a wedding abroad - great way to see the country/ culture from a local point of view - with an added holiday. If I could afford it I’d save to go

the jet lag AND hideous travel if you stick to economy is a bit of a killer to be fair!

This is what I think. Exactly.

December is summer in NZ op!😎

people will be miffed either way, they can't win! People will take it badly either way.

What's the alternative? Not get married? Or marry someone closer?

For that kind of weddings, people who really want to attend, make the trip. They somehow just do.

Unless it's a way for the couple to avoid certain guests, but that doesnt' seem to be the case.

This. They’ve given you 18 months’ notice so you have time to save and plan. It will be a great trip all round.

Not sure why you think you will need to use the ‘vast majority of annual leave’ to go. You don’t need 4-5 weeks for a trip to NZ. A friend had a great 2-week holiday there recently.

I only mean they may feel they want to demonstrate that they are keen for everyone to come and the invitation was very genuine.

We had friends who got married in India, and when people said they couldn't come, the couple said "Oh no, don't worry: we presumed you couldn't" which, at least, I guess, wasn't guilt trippy, but was still sort of 😐

The reality is the couple will realise not everyone can come, but I think it is the right attitude to try to at least look keen to host them.

Ha, yes the irony! I imagine that if 1/4 of the cost of going to NZ for each person invited was instead put towards a UK celebration it would more than cover the cost. NOT that I am suggesting in the slightest it should happen but thinking of the irony.

No January mocks you’ll miss? The absence will almost certainly not be approved by the schools (unless they’re at private then it’s immaterial).

suggest "saving up"???????
What you do is say something like "we will be delighted to see everyone who can make the trip but understand that its a big ask and it may not be possible" Then shut up.

Unless you can somehow find a way to make the NZ trip an extended holiday, which means finding the time and the money, plus getting work to agree to it, I wouldn't be going. The flight alone is a killer.

No way if it's a big stretch financially. Unless it is your dream holiday. Are there places you'd rather go to OP? If so, it's a no.

It is individual. But the confidence thing should be fine if there are others travelling too.

I expect the bride's mum is a similar age ... and would have to travel. That's the fundamental reality here.

sorry I have no idea what you mean

AIBU to think it is a huge presumption that the UK contingent can all afford to go?

YABU

They can't win if they want to get married together. One side of the family will always be on the wrong continent. The alternative is to try to get married mid-way, so everybody has to travel to a country where the couple has no attachement , and nobody wins.

Of course don't go if it's too expensive or just too difficult, but the couple can't just say "we don't really care if you are here or not" can they?
So of course they will suggest ideas and ways, what else can they do?

I do agree with that. But are you sure they aren't just trying to be earnest about including everyone?

There's nothing worse than people saying "Ah well ..."

Fair enough wrt ages of your dc. But do not underestimate the effect of jet lag on all of you - there and back

Well that’s entirely individual isn’t it. Some people at 80 are fit and well and capable and others are of significantly deteriorating health. It’s a confidence thing as well.

I don't think "main character syndrome" is fair when the bride's family is on the other side of the world.

I do agree with that label when the couple choose an exotic location neither of them are connected with and expect everyone to travel, just so their instagram looks more exciting.

But this was a genuine here or there decision and I don't think it is presumptuous; it's just inconvenient for the side of the world that wasn't picked, but one or the other was going to miss the "actual" wedding. You can't get married twice to the same person (or not without a divorce in between) and I suspect the next tussle would be over where the "real" ceremony takes place and which is just a party.

It is perfectly reasonable for them to have chosen NZ for the wedding.