AIBU to feel like my holiday has been ruined before we’ve even gone?

^^^
I am not a holiday property owner so maybe one of the previous ones who posted could give a feasibility answer to this suggestion.

Yeah that's the best thing to do. Just go with it now. And NEVER again. These people aren't Ur friends. They don't have Ur best interest at heart.

@Heathercost thank you for coming back & updating.
Could you do the following.
Contact the owner full of apologies. Tell them that you had stupidly told relatives about the holiday who then said they were going to camp nearby & meet up.
You have now found out that they are on their way and intend to park camper van on property driveway. You have expressly told them not to but they have not come back to you. Again you did not agree to this and cannot believe they are doing it.
You do not wish to contradict the t&cs and do not wish to lose your booking because of this.
You are more than happy for owners to tell them to remove themselves and the campervan as they will exceed the occupancy limits.

This will hopefully then give you some peace & quiet as they disappear off to the nearest campsite with space. Dh (& you if you wish) can then meet up with them on neutral ground.

I'm worh tou on this, it would really worry me. I'd be scared neighbours would notice and report us.

Tell them to enjoy the rest of their holiday and confirm they won't be seeing them. Unbelievable passivity to just put up with this.

I’m sorry that you have such a poor MIL andsuch a poor husband too (he should have been the one to stand up to his mum really. Esp seeing your health afd tge impact on his own children) 💐💐💐

Now I’m quite happy you have NOT drawn a line under it.
Because their behaviour was shit. And the leaving early says it all really.

I hope you’ll find a way to enjoy your holiday.
I also hope you’ve made it clear to your dh that now things are in his hands. HE deals with MIL. HE ensures you have together as a family wo them (your dcs will that badly even they say they want to see their cousin). HE deals with his parents when they want to do something aporopriate to your niece but not your dcs.
Time for him to step up. Otherwise things will never change out of his fear to rock the boat.

Just found this thread.
@Heathercost, you come across as an absolutely lovely person.

I hope the week is better than you fear now.

Agree about insisting they all sleep in the van, and also agree with pp's that you do NOTHING for this child. Absolutely no childcare.
Yes, include her in meals you're cooking, but ILs pay for her food, snacks n treats

Im so sorry OP. I've just spotted this update and was shocked to read it.

I don't want to add to the pressure but your DH needs to take charge of all this.
You deserve a restful break with your little ones so you can all recover from all the stress and strains you've been through.
I do hope very much that you are able to do this.

A nearby campsite for them sounds like a very good idea.

I agree. Their behaviour is absolutely disgusting. I don't think you've been a Mug at all. You've been trying to deal politely with an adult but they are incredibly manipulative and you couldn't have guessed they'd go this far.

The lesson is that
The MIL doesn't give a damn what you think or want. In her mind you are there to service her needs.
So stop giving a damn about offending her.
She has seriously crossed a line.

I wouldn't be engaging in any holiday activities with them. I hope your DH finds his words to tell them that this is utterly unacceptable. i would stop worrying about being polite and I would be very firm with all three of them and not worry what they think. Particularly if the DNs behaviour becomes disruptive.

Going forward the MIL goes on an information diet. Never discuss holiday or any other special plans with her again.

I'm so sorry that this has happened to you when you are recovering from feeling so unwell. You health comes FIRST as you have to be there for your DC... so you and your DC are your first priority always. What ever MIL or SIL want comes a very very long way down the list.
I wouldn't be so keen to foster a close relationship with people who are this manipulative and combative. A civil one yes, but close? I think it would only lead to more occasions like this.

I hope you do manage to enjoy most of your holiday.. and hope that you can plan a nice relative free weekend away later on.

We’ve said about the insurance and the over occupancy. They have said IF it’s an issue she will take the van and park nearby.

Tell them to stay in the van elsewhere anyway. You can meet up for an hour or two each day but you aren’t prepared to risk your family holiday because of their underhandedness. Don’t let them cross the threshold. Meet in a neutral place. Presumably you’ll be the only one with the key box code so they can’t get in without you being there.

These people sound vile. You poor thing 😔

You can still draw a boundary. You can tell them they are not to come to the cottage and to go and have a holiday elsewhere in the camper van. That if they come to the cottage, you will not be spending time with them if the niece is with them. That you will not, under any circumstances, be looking after or feeding the niece, and all her care needs/supervision are 100% their responsibility. Get your bloody useless husband to back you up - why isn't he the one taking this on, they are his family?!

@Heathercost

If I were you I'd be messaging or calling the owner today and asking them directly about parking a camping van on the drive and people sleeping in it. Why wouldn't you? If they say 'no' then inform the iLs that they will have to make 'other arrangements' as it's not allowed. If they say they don't mind, then it's at least one worry off your mind.

This is a case where it is better to ask for permission than for forgiveness since chances are all of you will be asked to leave with no refund.

FWIW my esDH and I were US RVers. I'd no more park our RV in a vacation rental driveway than the man in the moon. It's rude and entitled, especially since it increases the usage of the rental's 'facilities' (toilet use, water, electricity, etc) beyond the owner's chosen occupancy. An RV/camping van belongs in an RV park or a campground unless you have the express permission of the holiday home's owners.

Surely the easy way out of this saga is to phone the cottage owner and ask what they think about the "sleeping in the van on the drive" idea.
They won't be impressed, I'm sure, as though only 7 folk will be sleeping in the cottage, 8 folk will be using all the facilities.
When owner says no way can you do this, phone Mil and Co. and tell her, her crew will have to make their own accommodation arrangements, otherwise the owner will cancel your booking.
Job done.

You have nothing to lose by taking a step back once this is over. Your MIL is incredibly disrespectful and not ashamed to show you as much.

Go, try to enjoy your holiday, do things separately as a family of four. If your MIL gets offended then thats for her to deal with, make it known that you've told her your feelings and she chose to ignore, so now put it into action that you've no intention of letting them ruin your whole holiday and your only duty, for want of a better word, is to your own DC.

You should never put up with people that want such a say in your life while offering nothing in return.

Would be nice to update as the holiday goes on.

Are you all driving down in the same car OP ?
I feel angry and upset on your behalf.
Try not to get stuck with a tantruming kid to sort out ....Let MIL do it. I hope you enjoy it just the same.

No, you definitely haven't drawn a line, you're letting them walk all over you. It's so unfair on you - you're the one losing sleep, you're the one feeling like you're being forced into a situation that doesn't work for your family (you're not being forced though, you have the power to stop it), you'll be the ones whose holiday gets cut short if the holiday owner says it's over-occupancy.

You've started to assert yourself which is good. You know this is an area you find hard and it's a skill that needs to be practiced. It's easy for people to say what they would do when they aren't in your situation.

I would have plenty of rest and lie downs on this break and avoid them. You are not the entertainer or the caterer for any of them and you can use your recent poor health to excuse yourself.

Good luck, I hope it is better than you expect.

I really hope the owner doesn't find out and ask you to leave. Its ok for your MIL, her DP and niece as they'll still be able to continue with the holiday as they have alternative accommodation. It'll be you and your own DC that will miss out.

Honestly I would go elsewhere. I would go into debt to make my fucking point here. I would cancel the cottage so they can’t use it and take the kids another place.

Why is Mumsnet full of people who allow themselves to be walked all over??

OP this is so simple. You paid for the holiday. They’ve spectacularly thrown this back in your face. Simply uninvite them.

OP, with respect, you’ve repeatedly said how you’ve told them how you feel… that is different to saying “this is not happening - end of” which should’ve been the stance backed up by a suitable plan and robust actions if they tried to push it (eg by turning up anyway).

The thing with people like that is they don’t care how you feel so they’ll carry on regardless unless you take a hard line and actively put clear boundaries in place.

From your latest update, if I were you I’d call their bluff and call the property owner to check on the situation with the camper van. Make it clear you said they couldn’t do that. If the property owner is not happy about them staying in the camper van, you’ve covered yourselves by reporting the situation and the property owner may well ask them to leave in which case you can go and enjoy your holiday without them.