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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to think my seven-year-old granddaughter’s schedule is too full?

82 replies

Franciey · 11/07/2026 13:40

Afternoon all, generally speaking as a grandmother I have maintained an approach of never commenting on how my children parent, I’ve always known if I thought it were actually abusive or dangerous I would speak up but In 14 years of being a grandmother that has never happened.

One of my daughters has one child, a lovely 7 year old girl, they don’t live in the uk.
My granddaughter will be 8 in August before school goes back in mid-September here.
We are over visiting for a few weeks and my daughter has been proudly taking me to collect all the things her daughter will need for the next school year.
In conversation I’ve realised, my granddaughter rarely has time to just play.

For example from September her schedule will include, a pre-vocational school for one of her hobbies that is 2 hours (6pm-8pm) 3 nights a week and 2 hours on a Saturday. Tennis lessons (apparently must be private due to scheduling, on the other two nights from 7-8pm). School here finishes at 4pm after which her nanny/governess is expected to have her home, get her a snack, do school homework and English lessons before taking her to the other activities. Dinner doesn’t seem to be until 8.30 most nights if not later, and in the morning she is expected to fit in piano practice before school!
This seems completely stifling and far too much for a small child, would I be unreasonable to mention to my daughter that maybe something like tennis or piano don’t have to happen unless granddaughter really wants to? When will we ever just have time to play? Or relax? Or be bored?

OP posts:
MexicanDaisy · 11/07/2026 13:52

I think that’s way too much structured activity for any child let alone one that young. I understand why you would want to say something - just try to frame it from a place of concern or curiosity eg have they considered it might be nice for her to have downtime, rather than telling them what to do/judging.

Octavia64 · 11/07/2026 13:49

Two hours three nights a week is quite a lot but presumably she enjoys that and had to apply/ve selected for it.

i don’t think a bit of piano practice each morning is too much.

SpidersAreShitheads · 11/07/2026 13:48

I think most of your concerns are valid but whether it’s a good idea to say anything is a completely different matter.

What is it like culturally where they live - is this kind of full-on schedule the norm?

Whether you should raise it with your daughter depends on the relationship you have and whether she’s liable to view it as criticism/interfering. I think this would be hard to raise unless the subject comes up naturally. If she feels as if you’re criticising you may find no future invites to stay are offered, and that would be a shame.

If it were abusive or neglectful then of course you’d speak up but as it’s neither and just a different parenting style, you’re probably better not saying anything.

Franciey · 11/07/2026 13:46

GreenFootstool · 11/07/2026 13:43

I'm assuming this is somewhere like Hong Kong / Tokyo / Seoul and an International type school?

Sounds pretty normal for that kind of education at that age in many parts of the world. Just a different experience from a UK state school system.

No this is in Europe, from what I know it’s not the norm but clearly some children must be doing it. I understand the pre-vocational school, the process of getting in is highly selective and my granddaughter is clearly very excited about it, but it seems tennis and piano are just being maintained because they are what all the other children she goes to school with do and to make her “well rounded”, when I asked my granddaughter if she liked tennis (I put Wimbledon on the TV) she replied “it’s fine I guess”, so I don’t get the feeling she’s particularly excited about 2 hours worth of private lessons!

OP posts:
GreenFootstool · 11/07/2026 13:43

I'm assuming this is somewhere like Hong Kong / Tokyo / Seoul and an International type school?

Sounds pretty normal for that kind of education at that age in many parts of the world. Just a different experience from a UK state school system.

Teeheehee1579 · 11/07/2026 13:43

If I were you I wouldn’t mention anything - they’ll start tapering off as she gets older and has more of a say about what she enjoys and I think would be perceived as criticism. They obviously think it’s fine so why would you saying anything make a difference? They can see how much she does. It is the way for many children now.

HereForFootie · 11/07/2026 13:43

I wouldn't.