AIBU to think my seven-year-old granddaughter’s schedule is too full?

Just enjoy your time together, say absolutely nothing unless asked for your opinion.

That is not necessarily the case, especially when (as in this case) the child has little interest in tennis anyway, and has now been accepted onto an elite ballet programme. Ballet is a performing art, not a competitive sport, so you can't lump it in with the catch-all multi sports thing.

Speaking as the parent of a professional ballet dancer, I do have some experience, you might say.

Not at 7.

at that age multi sports are the best way to develop a kids talents. It’s now an established talent pathway in most sports- lower hours but more sports until much older when bodies are able to withstand specific training.

hothousing and focussing on one thing at such a young age will just lead to injury and burnout.

like pp has said even ballet develops later. Royal ballet will take talented children with no prior ballet training until much later than you’d think (11 ish?)

at 7 spraining an ankle playing tennis is much less of an issue than getting an overuse injury by only dancing.

I really wouldn’t say anything, mine does about 7 hours and that enough for us BUT if she was passionate about a sport etc I would expect to be doing a lot more hours for competitions/performances. Her parents are probably trying to make sure that ballet isn’t the only thing she does but they are trying to help support her in her ambitions whilst not letting their DD get tunnel vision about it, it looks like a lot but some kids are very high energy and enjoy being in a directed activity.

Ballet and tennis don't really mix, do they? Besides, she could get injured falling over while playing tennis, and a knee or ankle injury could seriously set back her dance training and future ambitions.

When kids are dedicated to (and have a natural talent for) one physical activity, it makes sense to avoid doing another activity that could cause them to be injured and prevent them from doing the other one.

You absolutely stay out of it. Not your child, not your choice.

Im from Eastern Europe and this kind of schedule was a norm at 1997-2000. I had piano lessons for 2-3 hrs 3days a week + after school sewing club 1,5hrs twice a week.

Whilst agreeing that it seems way too much, I would not say anything.

It will only cause resentment from your DD and you will be seen as interfering. At the end of the day you raise your children as you see fit, and you allow them the courtesy of doing the same.

I wouldn’t say it’s too much hit it’s a bit late in the day. My kid is a little younger and does a lot but I try to be done with everything by 6:30 during the week. School ends 3:15 most days and 2 one day. After that is activities/ extracurriculars. And some on weekends. He wants to do them and if occasionally needs to skip some to have a break, I’m fine with that.

I personally think it’s too much but I wouldn’t say anything. On the subject of ballet, my DD is a professional ballet dancer and hadn’t even started dance lessons at seven, so I think that’s too early for such intensive lessons.

Thinking of Italian mums I know...all my cousins kids do lots of extra curriculars (as do mine!)
Same for my friend in Spain.

You can think the schedule might be too full but it’s up to her parents how they run their lives. When you visit go along and see if your DG is happy. You might be concerned unnecessarily

It doesn’t surprise me this is somewhere in Europe. My DD went to a london prep and the Italians and Greek mums were the most pushy and chilled I have ever encountered. Really surprised me

but fgs, don’t say anything!!

I know it is different on the continent but the lessons all sound very late. My 8.5yo would be knackered. In fact all of mine, including a night owl teenager, would struggle with that level of activity at those times.

Assuming the child has enough sleep / rest and seems happy enough then I'd not say anything at this point. It depends on your relationship with your DD though? By all means mention it if you think it isn't going to cause offence.

It does sound like a lot for a 7 year old but if I were you, I'd keep quiet. It's how they choose to parent and it's not as if they're being neglectful or cruel. If it proves too much and their daughter seems worn out or reluctant, they will probably scale it back. Either way, I highly doubt they'd appreciate comments from you!

It depends on the child. I was listening to one of DD's mothers tell me all about her hobbies, it sounded crazy to me and wouldn't suit DD at all, but apparently her friend has chosen all of it and is thriving.

Don't try to impose your cultural norm for kids on kids living and being raised in a different culture. It won't end well.

The tennis may well be a distraction from the dance though.

I’d argue that allowing an intense focus solely on one activity at age 7 is less healthy than a couple of extra sessions playing tennis.

shows her that there’s more out there than dance, gives her a different work out so builds strength and fitness but will decrease the chance of overuse injuries in comparison to simply adding more dance training.

most intense sports and activities are now aware that a broader range is better than hyper focus. Even music- I had a friend who was a fantastic singer- when she got a place at music school they made her pause her singing and learn piano and violin- increasing her musicality while refusing strain on her voice.

if she’s aiming for an intense dance programme it sounds like the other activities are for balance rather than increasing the load…

You’re not being unreasonable that it’s too much, but you need to keep out of it. Your daughter won’t thank you for it.

I am wondering if her main hobby is dance? In which case she is probably crazy about it and loving it. For now at least.

I am more of a “cast the net wide” type of parent - my dc enjoyed all sorts of things and over the years tried lots of things including tae kwondo, violin, drama, kayaking, Army cadets, diving … both my kids are high energy.

Dc1 has calmed right down and now only does martial arts but reads about five books a week (something I guess she didn’t have time for as a kid!)

Dc2 is crazy keen on cycling - he cycles most days of the week unless it’s snowing or thundering.

I think if a child has a passion you have to keep feeding it.

What would you hope to achieve by saying something?

I think it'd be an error.

Personally I think that’s too much for a 7yo, but you don’t know what the day-to-day is like, week in and week out, you don’t know what the competitive field for school admissions is like, maybe the child needs structure and discipline, maybe the parents do, etc etc etc. There could be any number of reasons why this might be a good idea.

Whether or not you say something depends on your relationship with your DD and whether you’re able to pull off a breezy “gosh, you all seem to live a very busy and disciplined life, is this what you would have wished for when you were 7?” and taking whatever response you get on the chin. Ultimately, it’s none of your business and you can’t change anything anyway, but I think it’s fair to sense-test at times as long as there’s no hint of criticism or you think your DD will find a way to feel criticised.

Honestly I had a similar full timetable as a kid and loved it. I was always asking to do more.

my kids started off with a couple of activities a week. Then as they got better they were invited to practice more, so by about 7 is was one dance class, 2 gymnastics, 2 swim, and a Saturday am social activity.

gradually it evolved so they had to make a choice, focus on one at a higher level, or keep doing all at a fun level but keep to one class a week of each. One chose fun, one chose focus.

they are both adults now. One is competing nationally, the other has found a fun sport/hobby which is also very social and spends a lot of time on that. Neither have any regrets.

i remember someone judging me for my 6 year old doing dance and swim classes. Said I was pushy, and should wait until the child asks to do it. But if they don’t try things, how will they know if they enjoy it?

Mine was probably similar at that age and it was honestly fine. There was still unstructured time but as I grew up I filled more time with structured things.

I am lucky I did because had a bad accident recently and the only reason they will do quite a rare surgery for my age is because of the massive amount of sports I did when younger...

The downside is this accident has left me unable to do sports and I am a bit driving everyone absolutely crazy 🤣