AIBU to think my seven-year-old granddaughter’s schedule is too full?

My DC dances. She does 2-3 hours every night. Sometimes more if a competition is coming up with her team. And she then has at least 1 private lessons for her solo, duet and trio, competition dances per week. She absolutely lives and breathes her sport. Playing doesn't matter to her. Homework doesn't matter to her ( which her school agrees with as she's bright and is top groups for all subjects). If I suggested cutting down on dance she'd be distraught!

Are you sure this is parent led and not DG led?

@Thepeopleversuswork
Well, their parents could put THEIR screens down, get off their arses & go pick blackberries with the kids, play poo sticks if there's a stream nearby etc.. yes they might seem old fashioned but kids absolutely love things like that.
One of my favourite 'toys' when I was little was a huge cardboard box. It was a spaceship, train, tractor etc for me & my sister!

Kids might 'revert to screens' if parents let them.. this is why you have to step up & BE a parent!

I feel a parents will (majority of the time) read their child the best they will recognise if it's too much.

My kids get up at 7 and have activities straight through until 8pm. They are only a year older. But we work hard play hard, holidays are proper holidays and Sundays are always a day of rest. Our parents said similar, to be honest I just thought they were out if order, interfering, and clearly didn't know the kids well. If it was too much their grades would start dropping and they wouldnt be happy. But they are thriving and giving themselves a head start in life and learning to be disciplined.

I get everyone is different. But I would tred careful before you cause unnecessary upset.

I am still waiting to see the masterpieces created during the lockdown when boredom was all the kids had.

What is this obsession with “being bored”? It seems to have become de rigeur for parents at the moment.

Its all based on notions of recreating an ersatz organic childhood based on den building and stream damming but the reality is “bored” children these days will revert to screens.

Far better to be playing tennis than spending your life on Minecraft.

Most of the time when people bang on about “being bored” I think they just feel inadequate about not supporting their kids in doing interesting stuff. Im

Have you considered that the British have only relatively recently allowed children to have a childhood and 'play'. It's not the only acceptable way. Playing the piano and having a hobby is fine. I do however, think it's weird the parents ignored the science around letting children be bored sometimes. I wouldn't raise the issue directly, but maybe one day you 'happened upon' an interesting article about the benefits of boredom to creative thinking and decided to share it with them to be helpful(!)

I think it’s too much. Unpopular opinion but I suggest a light, uncritical conversation with your daughter about this routine and its perceived positives. Do you think your daughter is driven and aspirational, and this impacts her daughter negatively? I find this talk of “elite schools” at 11 for a little girl who’s still only 7 both cringey and intense. I have daughters, they do lots of sports, but they also have time to just hang out in the school week.

If this were my grandchild I would gently voice a concern, kids do need down time and they have the right to play.

I was fairly certain it was going to turn out to be ballet- if you are going to dance to a good level, you do have to put the time in so it’s fairly normal for a promising child to dance about 3 times a week. I’m a middle aged, very poor ballet dancer and I still train 2-3 times a week, for example. It sounds like the tennis is precisely to give her another interest, which is what you’re complaining she needs? Ballet isn’t like horse riding or golf - there’s a relatively short shelf life to do it at a high level. If it’s what she loves then she should do it while she can.

WOW.. it seems far too much to me (as an oldie.)
I liked my kids to be bored. They use their imaginations more, find other local kids to do things with, etc..

Don’t worry about it. They have it covered just like you did when you were a parent.

And parents over here bleat that the kids start school too young 🙄

I sounded a bit harsh when I didn't mean to be

but put it another way, 2 hours of physical activity a day? it should be the minimum for anyone, child or adult, it really is not that much if you think about it.

Even if they walk to school, it's not a lot. We are not designed to be that sedentary. It's giving your grand-daughter a lifetime habit of being active hopefully, and a good work ethic. It sounds great.

I lived abroad in Europe for a few years, and for some of that time I taught children - it absolutely was the norm for well-off kids.
Though they mostly looked like they needed a damn good sleep, most seemed to thrive on it. It was just the way things were done, and there was (for them) nothing unusual about it.

I advice to visit with an open mind and enjoy the time spend together. See if your granddaughter seems content and energetic. Is she able to speak her mind or does she appear timid and unable to express her opinion? If all looks well, leave them to work it out together. Your granddaughter will protest at some point if she’s wanting to quit tennis or piano.
Your daughter will know her child and you need to trust she will keep her daughters best interest at heart.

Tennis improves hand/eye co-ordination and keeps her fit. It is proven that learning a musical instrument inproves focus and concentration
Would you prefer her to be on screens all the time
When my daughter was younger she was busy everynight; different types of dancing, performing arts, swimming - when ever she wanted to do something new she was get upset she would have to give up something else - she loved it
I'm team parent

This sounds a very busy schedule. However I am not sure that saying anything will help as her parents must be away.

It is something I am aware of even though my DD is a lot younger. She does Ballet and swimming but is asking to add gymnastics and football. I am considering it but want at least 1 weekend day free for family days and preferably only every other night in the week.

so what? If she's happy?
Why this obsession with "playing" if she's enjoying ballet/ tennis?

Would you say the same for a boy playing football in a club instead of playing football in the garden?

She's got the weekends, she's not wasting time on screens like so many children, she seem to be going to bed early because she still needs sleep.

She might not be able to keep going if the homework start becoming more heavy as she grows up, but for now?

Sounds like a healthy schedule for a kid? As a parent, I would add some swimming lesson at least once a week in there, because I think that's important.

Girls seem to love horse riding (more than boys), so I would also suggest some trial riding at the weekend, but that aside? It's fine?

My own kids were just as busy, were probably sent to bed a bit earlier so they read more (they finish at 3 here, so clubs earlier) but weekdays wasn't really time to play.

If she doesn't enjoy or progress in bloody tennis it will soon become apparent.

Her mum wants her to like tennis. We'll see.

Don't say anything...they didn't ask.

As long as the child enjoys it I don’t see the problem. It would be a problem if she was being forced, but she’s not.

Its become really fashionable at the moment for people to extoll the virtues of unstructured play, free play and “boredom” you see it endlessly on here, but honestly I think this is all massively oversold.

As someone who was dying to do stuff like this as a child and whose parents basically couldn’t be arsed, I would have loved more structured activities.

So many kids exit their teens with no structure at all and seem incapable of managing a schedule, I think a bit of structure and discipline (provided it’s welcomed by the child) is a net positive.

I have worked in international schools in Europe for more than a decade and this is a very normal schedule for most kids that age.

I did a similar amount of hours of extra-curricular growing up, and my parents made me choose between music and dance at age 12 because I couldn’t sustain it going into secondary school. I chose music and ended up as a music teacher and professional musician. I am so grateful for every hour and dollar my parents spent on my music education.

If she loves ballet then they should let her do it. We have had several professional dancers at my international school over the past 7 years, and they have all managed brilliantly to balance their studies and dancing.

It isn't what I'd choose, but it doesn't cross the bar I to being abusive so I wouldn't say anything.

If she starts to struggle her dm will presumably notice and make alterations to the schedule.

I think there's a benefit in not totally investing in one hobby, especially one like ballet where the wrong body shape can ruin your chances no matter how hard you work at it.

Hold on, so she finishes school at 4

has a 2 hour club every evening
and the weekend

and you think it's too much? 😂You are being completely ridiculous, sorry.
that's the schedule of most kids I know? They tend to have clubs often starting earlier, but some of the clubs are around 7 or 8pm too

That's more than enough time to play
and what you seem to miss is that the clubs ARE part of the "relaxing" time.

Some adults dance, run, swim..or play tennis as their chance to relax. What make you think kids can't do?

And about being bored.. don't worry, she has plenty of time to be bored.

Dinner doesn’t seem to be until 8.30 most nights if not later
Perfectly normal, only in England are SOME parents obsessed with feeding their kids diner at 5pm and put them to bed by 6pm.

Presumably this is largely because they need all those hours of childcare. “Just playing” at that age requires .not having 2 parents in FT work - something barely anyone can afford now.