DB has had the same female best friend since he was 15. He’s 40 now. When he got married at 35 quite abruptly distanced himself from her.
This was awkward as we all know her and love her and she is at majority of family events/ celebrations etc.
It’s really clear that SIL detests her. She said she is really hurt by this that she feels she’s lost her best friend and doesn’t understand why etc etc . All of my family are saying how awful it is and really backing her up. To the point she is now taking about coercive control and worrying that DB is somehow being abused by SIL. Even talk of doing a Clare’s law on SIL or making a report of coercive control ?
DB and SIL don’t attend any events if she will be there. I’ve stopped inviting her to anything we host so that DB and SIL can come as they have dc and I think family comes first. This has now caused tension between me and other family members and the friend. It’s not ideal as I also got along well with her and have known her since I was 13.
I’ve spoken to DB and he says there’s no issue they just grew apart, have different values now and had opposing views on what the friendship was going forward, he said he found her too intense and that she upset SIL. SIL will only say she just doesn’t like or understand her and doesn’t want her as part of their lives.
DB has an ex wife and dc - SIL gets on extremely well with her. There’s regular contact with his dc and they get on well so this is not it seems in SIL nature to be jealous or overreact. I think there is a bigger issue with the friend that we don’t know about.
AIBU to ask other family to back off a little too and not keep inviting her to so many things and for DM to stop seeing her socially as it feel wrong and it’s pushing DB out ?