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AIBU?

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Original poster

Ex applied to deduct travel costs from child maintenance

119 replies

greentent86 · 11/07/2026 11:19

AIBU to be pissed, even though I know it’s technically allowed?

I live where I always have, with our child. I have never moved.

Ex lives a significant distance away now, his choice.

Has had sporadic involvement with our child since birth, now we have a court order that he has every other weekend.

Within days if the court order, he’s applied to CMS to vary the payment for “special expenses”… he’s claiming £70 a week in travel costs.

I do get a decent maintenance payment compared to many people, but a loss of over £300 a month is going to be very difficult. I work full time but my job isn’t well paid, and do all the day to day care of our child, pay for nursery etc.

Ex was financial controlling and harassed me over CMS for years, this all came out in court and was noted by the judge.

For what it’s worth, my ex is in a well paid job, has a house worth 7 figures, drives a large car worth 6 figures, has investment properties etc. he isn’t hard up.

I know there’s nothing I can do about it but AIBU to feel the system is really unfair on resident parents.

OP posts:
Original poster
greentent86 · 12/07/2026 19:29

Housebashing · 12/07/2026 19:22

Why he doesn’t have to pay it
I think a big mistake I made looking back as I should’ve got the nursery bill in both names and insisted on joint liability and made him pay the nursery Direct on top of the CMS obviously

Show quote history

I don’t even know how I would go about it. We both have PR now, I guess I could ask nursery to bill him for his days and see what reaction it gets… there’s nothing anywhere that says I have to pay it and I always have. When the interim order was put in place, the judge did query it and said it needed careful consideration but at the time I was so exhausted I said let’s just sort it out for the final order (as didn’t 100% know what would happen at the time and I was worried about more conflict re finances as we’d had in the past). Anyway, totally forgot about it at court doing the final order…

OP posts:
Original poster
greentent86 · 12/07/2026 19:27

I have just logged on to CMS online account to do a response to this as requested, and I can see at the same time he’s also applied to reduce maintenance payments (change of income) but it’s been rejected… can’t see anything further…

OP posts:
Housebashing · 12/07/2026 19:22

RandomMess · 12/07/2026 19:04

Just send the nursery bill direct to him then 🤣 will super piss him off!

Why he doesn’t have to pay it
I think a big mistake I made looking back as I should’ve got the nursery bill in both names and insisted on joint liability and made him pay the nursery Direct on top of the CMS obviously

maxslice · 12/07/2026 19:13

On a much, much smaller scale, we discovered that in addition to child support and uni costs, DH charged him money for “postage & handling”. While they were married, she had credit cards in his name that he didn’t know about. OP’s ex is working the system to be a petty twat.

RandomMess · 12/07/2026 19:04

Just send the nursery bill direct to him then 🤣 will super piss him off!

ThreadGuardDog · 12/07/2026 18:56

Brainworm · 12/07/2026 17:51

Based on a cap of 45p per mile, and 2 journeys EOW, £300 pcm equates to him living around 140 miles away. Is that right?

You can estimate what a reasonable claim by using the 45p cap, the distance, and toll charges. Is this close to £300 pcm?

CMS don’t use the HMRC cap. It’s a standard rate of 15p per mile, with a minimum threshold of £10 per week expenses. Unless there are other expenses deemed essential like toll roads, public transport costs for legs of the journey or overnight stays he’d be entitled to a reduction of about 5p a month based on minimum maintenance for one child.

ThreadGuardDog · 12/07/2026 18:51

Viviennemary · 12/07/2026 18:37

Is he paying minimum maintenance. I doubt he'll be allowed £70 a week travel expenses.

He won’t. It’s not a direct deduction. The mileage allowance is 15p a mile and he has to meet a threshold of £10 a week. At say, 150 mile round trip twice a month his CMS would be reduced by around 5p, based on minimum maintenance for one child.

Housebashing · 12/07/2026 18:49

RandomMess · 12/07/2026 18:30

He’s too much of an arse to ever stop trying to control you. Perhaps send his nursery bill to him via his solicitor! He won’t ever pay but his solicitor receiving it will cost him money!

That doesn’t happen anymore if the Solicitor hasn’t been instructed to open post by the X the Solicitor will put it in the bin they wont even respond

ThreadGuardDog · 12/07/2026 18:47

greentent86 · 12/07/2026 17:59

I didn’t know this, letter didn’t explain it, so thank you to everyone who has pointed this out. Doesn’t feel so stressful now.

Show quote history

Back in the dim distant past I worked for the child support agency. I know things are slightly different now but basically this should still be the calculation:

When you travel by car, CMS use a flat rate of 15p per mile to work out your travel expenses. . So for example if your ex is travelling a 150 mile round trip twice a month that would be around £45 a month allowable expenses. That’s around £10.40 per week. There’s a £10 minimum threshold so the remaining 40p per week would be his allowable expenses, which would be reduced again by the percentage of maintenance he pays. So standard child maintenance for one child would mean his CMS liability would be reduced by 12% of that 45p figure - around 5p a week.

He would also have to provide proof of vehicle ownership (V5C), very clear proof of his contact with your DD and that the visits actually take place - court order or written agreement/log of dates - as well as proof of address and documents proving the distance between his home and your DD’s.

He could potentially claim for extraneous expenses such as toll roads, essential overnight expenses or other travel related expenses, but they would have to be deemed necessary.

Viviennemary · 12/07/2026 18:37

Is he paying minimum maintenance. I doubt he'll be allowed £70 a week travel expenses.

RandomMess · 12/07/2026 18:30

He’s too much of an arse to ever stop trying to control you. Perhaps send his nursery bill to him via his solicitor! He won’t ever pay but his solicitor receiving it will cost him money!

Stationbike · 12/07/2026 18:25

How many years ago?
Understanding of coercive control has progressed so much innthe past couple of years.
Scum like him don't change their colours, as can be seen from his recent behaviour.

Consider making a report if it was years ago.
No harm asking.

Original poster
greentent86 · 12/07/2026 18:17

Stationbike · 12/07/2026 18:12

OP, have you contacted Woman's aid?
Was their Coercive control?
Have you thought about reporting him to the police?
If nothing else, his next victim will see your report via Clare's Law.
Mind yourself.

Yep been there, done that years ago. Nothing ever came of reporting him to police. There was a fact find in family court, and there were findings made against him, however the court is “satisfied” that the final order “protects the child and the parent they reside with” under PD12J… so basically because it’s arranged so we don’t ever have face to face contact that’s all okay then and the court assumes he’s safe for our child too. Meanwhile it means I still have him in my life doing crap like this, I feel probably just to wind me up.

OP posts:
Stationbike · 12/07/2026 18:12

OP, have you contacted Woman's aid?
Was their Coercive control?
Have you thought about reporting him to the police?
If nothing else, his next victim will see your report via Clare's Law.
Mind yourself.

ERthree · 12/07/2026 18:11

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

who the fuck empties your bins, fills your Ocado order etc? Yes. all of those plebs in poor paying jobs.

Original poster
greentent86 · 12/07/2026 18:10

FWIW, he hates the fact I went to CMS. He said in court multiple times that it proves I had our child for money. He also tried to say I use CMS to harass him. Thankfully a FOI request proved that the only times I have ever contacted CMS is obviously to open to claim, and to report when he had missed payments or paid the wrong amount.

OP posts:
Original poster
greentent86 · 12/07/2026 18:08

RandomMess · 12/07/2026 18:06

We’ll just in case you hadn’t worked it out he’s now proved he’s a complete arsehole.

I knew that and that’s why I left. But after him getting called out in court for his financial control etc I thought he might have realised his behaviour… but nope, as soon as we are out of the process and have a final order he starts up again…

OP posts:
Stationbike · 12/07/2026 18:08

This reply has been deleted

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What a nasty vicious post against a woman who suffered domestic abuse.

Utterly shameful.
Reported.

Original poster
greentent86 · 12/07/2026 18:07

Dweetfidilove · 12/07/2026 18:04

Wouldn't that have been taken into account already, when awarding the maintenance? The loser isn't increasing the frequency of his contact; just being spiteful, because he has to continue being a misery in whichever way he can.

Show quote history

Yes, so he didn’t have much to do with our child for a significant period, wouldn’t willingly pay any maintenance. I had to go to CMS. When he started having overnights, he amount was already reduced based on that which is totally fair enough.

OP posts:
RandomMess · 12/07/2026 18:06

We’ll just in case you hadn’t worked it out he’s now proved he’s a complete arsehole.

Dweetfidilove · 12/07/2026 18:04

RainbowMoonbeam · 12/07/2026 16:56

I'm kinda on the fence, I mean you're also now not spending money on child those weekends, for me it would deoend how much he is paying. Like if that's the majority of his payment totally unreasonable, if he's paying like £1k a month, not so much.

Wouldn't that have been taken into account already, when awarding the maintenance? The loser isn't increasing the frequency of his contact; just being spiteful, because he has to continue being a misery in whichever way he can.

Dweetfidilove · 12/07/2026 18:00

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Fail ❌️❌️❌️❌️❌️❌️

Original poster
greentent86 · 12/07/2026 17:59

ThreadGuardDog · 12/07/2026 17:53

They’ll knock the ‘£300’ off his salary and re-do the calculation. It will end up costing OP a few pounds.

Show quote history

I didn’t know this, letter didn’t explain it, so thank you to everyone who has pointed this out. Doesn’t feel so stressful now.

OP posts:
Original poster
greentent86 · 12/07/2026 17:59

He doesn’t live 140 miles away. It’s about 100 miles return trip. Not sure why he’s put in for every week, I assume he’s averaging it.

I know my earnings aren’t his problem, never said they were. I used to earn about 20k more but unfortunately after having our child I began having health problems and I was diagnosed with a long term condition. I had to leave my job for something more manageable for my condition. I still work full time and do the best I can.

My point was, that I am much worse off than him, what he pays monthly doesn’t even come close to our child’s nursery costs let alone anything else they need. He’s taking away from our child, not me. I just felt it was a very petty action from him, especially when I know he can afford these costs.

For what it’s worth, one of the nursery days which I pay for, will technically be his day, but I just pay it because it’s not worth the hassle.

OP posts:
ThreadGuardDog · 12/07/2026 17:53

Brainworm · 12/07/2026 17:51

Based on a cap of 45p per mile, and 2 journeys EOW, £300 pcm equates to him living around 140 miles away. Is that right?

You can estimate what a reasonable claim by using the 45p cap, the distance, and toll charges. Is this close to £300 pcm?

They’ll knock the ‘£300’ off his salary and re-do the calculation. It will end up costing OP a few pounds.