Page 7 | AIBU to find a lawyer for my nephew whose pregnant girlfriend says she doesn't want him on the birth certificate?

Hillfarmer · 2026-07-11T09:44:23+00:00

My lovely 35-year old nephew is in a very stormy relationship. He and his GF already have one DC of 18 months. She is pregnant again, due August - we could debate the rights and wrongs of that until the cows come home - but we are where we are. They have just had an almighty bust-up, she's kicked him out of the house and now telling him she won't have him on the birth certificate. He is a devoted Dad and would be devastated not to have parental rights from the get-go, but what can he do? Are there any family lawyers on here who know whether he can force her hand in some wayl? Are there any legal means he can use before the baby is born - say, get an injunction? He is named on the birth cerficate of his first DC and of course wants to be named on the second one's birth cert. If he's not on it, I understand that it will be much more of a fight to get access etc. Any advice welcome!

Backedoffhackedoff · 11/07/2026 15:34

JHound · 11/07/2026 15:30

There is nothing preventing him consulting a solicitor now. Which I would advise as this is a very long process. I did not say the solicitor can act now.

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Why though? It’s not a complex process, despite OP claiming to be clueless it’s pretty a pretty common scenario. you don’t need a solicitor, why would he pay £300 to get told the same stuff he could read on gov.uk for free?

JHound · 11/07/2026 15:30

Hoardasurass · 11/07/2026 15:29

No he can't.
The plain and simple fact is no crt or judge will or can get involved before the baby is born and getting himself recognised as the babies father with all the responsibilities that comes with it will be a simple crt form small fee and a DNA test that proves paternity.
As for child residency that will automatically remain with the mother until the child is atleast a year and a bond has been established between the dc and the father

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There is nothing preventing him consulting a solicitor now. Which I would advise as this is a very long process. I did not say the solicitor can act now.

Shinyhappyapple · 11/07/2026 15:30

Given that we don’t actually know if he is the father, if the mum doesn’t want to name him on the birth certificate I think any legal action has to take place after the birth as a paternity test would be needed .

JHound · 11/07/2026 15:29

Justaquestionplease · 11/07/2026 15:26

Again you are focusing on the "rights" of the adult... whether male or female, can you not see that that is wrong. The important thing is their responsibility towards the child.

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It’s one and the same.

Hoardasurass · 11/07/2026 15:29

JHound · 11/07/2026 15:05

Or he can deal with it now.

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No he can't.
The plain and simple fact is no crt or judge will or can get involved before the baby is born and getting himself recognised as the babies father with all the responsibilities that comes with it will be a simple crt form small fee and a DNA test that proves paternity.
As for child residency that will automatically remain with the mother until the child is atleast a year and a bond has been established between the dc and the father

Justaquestionplease · 11/07/2026 15:26

JHound · 11/07/2026 15:20

I am focusing on a parent and their rights over their child which should not be subject to a tantrum being thrown by the other parent. Gender is irrelevant to me although clearly it’s important to you.

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Again you are focusing on the "rights" of the adult... whether male or female, can you not see that that is wrong. The important thing is their responsibility towards the child.

JHound · 11/07/2026 15:24

RoseField1 · 11/07/2026 15:22

He can't though. Until the baby is born it is not a legal entity so he can't do anything at all.

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There is nothing stopping him consulting a solicitor now to be prepared for once the baby arrives.

CJsGoldfish · 11/07/2026 15:23

JHound · 11/07/2026 15:05

Or he can deal with it now.

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He could but it doesn't sound like he is.
If he was, there would be no need for his aunt to be researching and making contingency plans FOR him 🤷‍♀️

If they've 'just' had a bust up then it's quite likely she's lashing out in order to hurt him/press his buttons. She'd surely realise that if he is on the birth certificate for one child and not the other, SHE will be the one who has to explain that to their child. That is also not going to prevent access to the child.

They both need to calm down and then he needs to take the initiative, step up and do whatever needs doing. No one else needs to be butting in as if he is not a grown adult capable of managing his own relationships 🙄

RoseField1 · 11/07/2026 15:22

JHound · 11/07/2026 15:05

Or he can deal with it now.

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He can't though. Until the baby is born it is not a legal entity so he can't do anything at all.

JHound · 11/07/2026 15:20

Onlywayisrainham · 11/07/2026 15:12

OP - may I suggest you google the charity ‘both parents matter’. They have fact sheets setting out the law, a free helpline, a forum with people facing similar hurdles.

This is great advice!

JHound · 11/07/2026 15:20

Justaquestionplease · 11/07/2026 15:07

In these situations, the person who matters most is the child. That poster is correct. Parental rights are a nonsense...parental responsibility is key. Is that difficult for you to understand or are you just focusing on the men here?

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I am focusing on a parent and their rights over their child which should not be subject to a tantrum being thrown by the other parent. Gender is irrelevant to me although clearly it’s important to you.

istherereallytimeforallthat · 11/07/2026 15:19

Hillfarmer · 11/07/2026 14:18

He's not a prince, but he is a decent man. They were living together until she threw him out, so of course he was looking after her, going for appointments and generally being a responsible dad.

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A heavily pregnant woman does not throw her partner out unless there is an extremely good reason for doing so, especially when he is the father of one child already.

You have no idea why she doesn't want him on the baby's birth certificate, and again, that is not a decision she will have taken lightly.

You might think your DN is a decent man, but you do not know what goes on behind closed doors.

Keep well out of it.

Moveoverdarlin · 11/07/2026 15:18

You’ve said the relationship is stormy, no doubt there will be a calm before the next storm and this will blow over. I would keep out of it. He’s 35. Big enough to be getting women pregnant twice in two years, big enough to sort out this.

If he’s as devoted as you say he is, she will of course put him on the BC. They’ve clearly had a barney and she’s lashing out in the heat of the moment.

MummyWillow1 · 11/07/2026 15:16

MrSchubertWhiskers · 11/07/2026 10:48

I think all parties should let emotions cool before rushing into further action. People say things in the heat of the moment, just give them a bit of time & space to calm down a bit.

This

Jk987 · 11/07/2026 15:14

You say he’s a devoted Dad but no one knows what goes on behind closed doors? Does he do baths, bedtimes, night wakes? No one knows if he’s an equal partner.

teaandtoastwithmarmite · 11/07/2026 15:13

Watchoutfortheslowaraf · 11/07/2026 11:05

He wants to be named as his child’s father on their birth certificate - not sure why that’s a bad thing. It’s not bullying- that’s a bit of a stretch

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Yes this!

Ifmyfacedidntsayitmymouthdidopps · 11/07/2026 15:12

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 11/07/2026 11:10

I’ve been this pregnant woman

do NOT start lawyer or fighting chat at all. A lawyer can do nothing until the baby is here!!

all dad can do is to not rise to any mud slinging or emotional trying to hurt from her. Keep being a good dad to the current child and keep trying to support the woman to be well and healthy on her pregnant reducing stress in any way is best for baby. Offer to fund pregnancy massages or yoga class or floatation tank or healthy food. He needs to tell her he has so much respect and gratitude for everything she is going through with the pregnancy and please reach out to him for any help, lifts, etc that she needs.

then when baby is here make himself as useful as possible - drop off food and supplies etc. don’t push her. Perhaps one very gentle id love to come with you and sign when you register so baby knows who’s dad is, but no pressure if you’re still unsure, my main priority is supporting you and meeting and bonding with baby.
if she doenst want him round leave her alone at least until she has stopped bleeding (first two months) then invite her to mediation. A mediator will explain to her that he will be automatically added to BC if he applies.
i assume he will meet baby naturally when collecting the big kid anyway.
don’t push her. She is hormonal and will never forget how she is treated during her perinatal period.

This comment is very sensible.

Onlywayisrainham · 11/07/2026 15:12

OP - may I suggest you google the charity ‘both parents matter’. They have fact sheets setting out the law, a free helpline, a forum with people facing similar hurdles.

Justaquestionplease · 11/07/2026 15:10

Women generally aren't hugely happy and excited to be a lone parent to two small children. It's far from ideal. The idea that any woman in this situation is trying to stop a truly decent man/father from being involved purely out of spite is usually a nonsense

Justaquestionplease · 11/07/2026 15:07

JHound · 11/07/2026 15:05

Ok.

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In these situations, the person who matters most is the child. That poster is correct. Parental rights are a nonsense...parental responsibility is key. Is that difficult for you to understand or are you just focusing on the men here?

Stoicashellusually · 11/07/2026 15:06

chipsandpeas · 11/07/2026 10:53

so your lovely nephew wants to pretty much bully a heavily pregnant woman with legal action...... yeah hes lovely

Or he wants to be a Dad. Not every man has shitty intentions. He's the child's father. Imagine if this was a mother wanting to be on the birth certificate and the man was trying to prevent it.

Vartden · 11/07/2026 15:06

Nearly50omg · 11/07/2026 14:27

Support the pregnant woman who is being bullied by a clearly nasty piece of work!!

Im always amazed on here how pregnant women take on some kind of sainthood and can do no wrong.
We have no idea what went on nor the characters of either of them.

JHound · 11/07/2026 15:05

outerspacepotato · 11/07/2026 15:03

And he can deal with that after the baby is born.

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Or he can deal with it now.

JHound · 11/07/2026 15:05

RoseField1 · 11/07/2026 15:03

Nobody has parental 'rights'

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Ok.

Laura95167 · 11/07/2026 15:03

So i think a birth certificate is for the child. And i think even if he is a bad partner, she picked him to be a parent and their baby deserves him on the birth certificate

If she doesnt put him on he can get DNA test and added on later

But really hes 35, so if he wants to sort this let him ask for or find help