To be hurt I’m not invited to the whole of my friend’s 50th?

I wouldn't go.

Fuck being treated like that. Fuck your friend and her 50th and all who sail in her.
You deserve better OP.

loving this

I agree. If it was me I'd think about if I have any further use for this friendship group going forward. For me it has blown up and will never be the same but you may want to consider keeping the connection for your purposes, at least until a set of real friends come along. I am not especially social so I would bin them off without a second thought and I purely LOVE @2021x suggestion.

Of course. But excluding op like this is cruel.
Picking one or two closest friends to have a get together with would have been entirely different

People who are not actually autistic but want to excuse their poor behaviour in a way that they think will be unchallenged because they have played a disability card.

I say this is someone who is actually diagnosed autistic. And who would never behave like this.

I would do similar but I would go with "I've just realized I'm the only one of our group of six excluded on Friday night have I done something to offend you?"

Then I would wait and see what the reply said before deciding what else to say.

So do you arrange big celebratory events and specifically ask certain friends not to come then?

....and then ask them to help you with the arrangements because they arent coming so can pick up party stuff?

I'm another one who doesn't get why people do things like this, it's not normal to leave one person in a group out at all and will have long term consequences for the friendship.

Of course it’s to do with closeness. The OP says so herself. No group of six is going to have exactly the same levels of closeness between all the individual members,

FGS it’s absolutely nothing to do with closer/less close friends! They are a group of 6 and to exclude just one is rude!! And shitty.

OP is there one you are particularly close to? Could you see if they know about this? Has anyone even considered how this looks/would make you feel?

I’m desperate to know what happened after the Hindu ceremony.

I think this is awful, if I was one of the other friends I think I'd feel inclined to not attend either, can't stand shitty behavior like this.
No way would I be picking up the cake if I was you, I don't think I'd bother going at all as I'd just feel really awkward.

Agreed. Not wanting to go is a perfectly understandable response and in the circumstances the request to pick up the cake is quite insulting. But a gracious decline, in as few words as possible, is the better response. What would erode the OP's dignity is making someone else's birthday all about her. Any passive aggressive response, lamentations of how hurt she is, or involving others and requiring them to show loyalty to one side or another, will only undermine this dynamic even more than it already is.

If the friendship group matters I'd simply file this one away under 'relevant information' and adjust my expectations, and possibly my future behaviour, accordingly. And even if OP does decide to step back it's better done this way than stirring up some big unedifying hornets' nest.

It's never a good idea to rely on one group for friendship, anyway.

I wouldn’t be going and it’s depressing that people can still act like this at 50. You don’t have to be rude but I would politely decline.

I would be really hurt by this too. Yanbu

I would politely respond with- gosh - really embarrassing, but I’m double booked that weekend and now won’t be able to attend. Have a lovely birthday weekend. Hope you have a fab time.

Asking you to collect a cake when you’ve been excluded from the Friday - is cheeky f*ckery.

Plan something nice with your family instead.

I’ve only read your posts but I don’t really understand why she wants the numbers to be low one day and not the other? I also can’t fathom why she wouldn’t realise it’s super offensive to invite all but one member of a close friendship group. I don’t think she’s a nice person, or maybe just a bit dim.

She must be a horribly self absorbed person to have treated you like this

I’d be really hurt by this, similar happened to me at a friends 40th, I may an effort to drive two hours, get childcare etc for a party to find our other friends had made a weekend of it. The parting shot from the party girl after 20 years of friendship was “oh I forgot, you should have stayed too’. No scene was made, I simply left and stepped back. I don’t think I’ve seen her since (14 years ago) although we do speak occasionally on Facebook now.

Im not sure in your situation whether I would go to the party, I think I’d feel I wouldn’t be missed.

I’d be pissed off, but then I have a group of friends who went on holiday when I was still working. I was told I could go next year. I wasn’t invited, someone else was. I let it go, we’re still friends 🙂

I think i would be nervous about doing this @ArcanaQueen but is there anyway you could say to her "that you do feel a bit sad not to be included on the friday and have you done something to upset her?" Or something like that...
Really hard to do and am not sure i would be brave enough but it is the way forward for an honest communication. Hope it goes well. I dont think you're wrong to feel hurt x

I think this is really unacceptable of your "friend" @ArcanaQueen . I've read all of your posts and none of that justifies singling you out to leave out this way. I'd be inclined not to go and let them sort the cake themselves.

Indeed birthdays are different to hen parties. If you are one of 10 guests to someone’s hen, you can safely assume you are considered a close friend. So to then deliberately exclude that friend subsequently and pointedly so from among a friendship group is thoughtless at best.
The way it has come to light that the OP valued the friendship more strongly than birthday girl has been rather cruel I feel. A text message which as recounted sounded pretty breezy. Not everyone has to be best friends but everyone should be aware of the impact of their actions on others

Ugh, I'm sorry this is happening, I'd be so hurt. Is there anyone in the group who's close to both you and birthday girl who you could ask their opinion?

I meant to indicate disbelief.
Who saaays that?
in the sense of appropriating a condition as an excuse for (bad) behaviour.
iyswim 🤔