To be hurt I’m not invited to the whole of my friend’s 50th?

It seems the "identity" is bitch

well, try, if you can, to imagine a group of friends that regularly go on holiday and celebrate birthdays together.
I don’t know any primary school children that arrange their own weekends away. Clearly your children are very advanced.

I'll do you a favour and help you keep numbers lower for Saturday as well.'
Absolutely this!

I am so sorry that you are having to deal with this upset. Sometimes friendships just fall away. I've had a friend for 40+ years. Within the last few we've been in a lot more contact due to what's been going on on for us and the mobile phone being available. However, last year I moved and actually live minutes away from her. I've hardly seen her. She says she wants to see me but then says all the other stuff she has to do. Plus how she's not seen her parents or fires for several weeks either. Have had several conversations with her about it but while I've listened to her, and changed, she might've listened but hadn't changed. It makes me sad but there is a limit to how much effort I'll put in.

What's better for you? To walk away or try and say how you honestly feel and accept she might not care enough to be different? Then you walk away.

I was told I could go next year.
You are a bigger person than me Northernladdette. Being 'told' would see the mist descending! To then be left out the following year would probably have me deleting contacts from my phone!

Although I have mellowed and as you get older you realise you don't have to always burn bridges completely you can just reframe and reassess friendships and their place in your life! I have one friend who has a BFF, a husband and two grown up children. She is great company but really does regard anyone outside of those mentioned as non-speaking parts in her life (me included). I think our friendship has lasted so long because I have zero expectations and so she can easily over deliver with the smallest gesture.

I think the fact that she has communicated this to you by text is also quite dismissive. I wonder about the dynamics of the group. Is this person the ‘Queen Bee’ ? There is always some unspoken hierarchy in my experience. It’s very bitchy school girl behaviour imo. I would go on Saturday just to briefly show my face but make it clear you’re just dropping by en route to another event.

Or 4: Sorry I am now unable to make Saturday. Don't make excuses. Don't collect the cake.

Crikey I haven’t heard of a ‘friendship group’ since primary school. An adult woman turning 50, is part of a ‘Friendship Group!?’ Wow.

I wouldn't think it was petty or dramatic to calmly speak the truth. If the B.day girl feels its ok to do this then surely its ok for the whole group to know she has done it?

Yep. I’m often the boycotter in these scenarios, it just leaves me feeling like a pariah and disappointed in others .

I thought I was part of a tight little group of friends until I saw my ‘closest’ friend from the group’s wedding pictures and I was the only one of the group not in them 😭🙈🤣

They won’t boycott. People like these invariably choose their own comfort and social opportunities over taking a stand.

I know this from experience.

Then she looks like the bad guy for not making the effort to go.

@ArcanaQueen how are you feeling now?

Or she could just decline the invitation. That's probably what I'd do.

Well you’re better off without her that’s for sure

Think that you have 2 options

Ask your "friend" outright why you are only invited for one night.

Or do not go as you now know what your "friend" is like.

I would do then when HELL FROZE OVER. Cheeky sods.

I wouldn’t attend any of her celebrations- what’s one more person? Given that there are only 6 of you and you’re the only one not invited to the Friday event I’d let my absence speak for itself.

Is It an RSVP style invite? I wouldn’t confirm and just leave her on read. I’d also make sure I tell the others if they happen to ask - if they don’t then find a new group of actual friends.

This sucks as you can't really win and one-way-or-another your happy group dynamic has been tainted. You have three choices really...

1. You pick up the cake and you go with a big smile on your face and have a good time and hope the rest of the group won't exclude you in future so easily, but probably will be on edge now for a good long while until things settle back down (or don't)
2. You message 'cake friend' back and say 'I'm actually really hurt at not being invited on the Friday as I thought we were a tight group. Obviously I understand people don't make the cut when there are limited places but I just feel like I won't be able to have fun on Saturday knowing I've been excluded, as it's really thrown me. So I'm sorry I can't bring the cake for you.' This might kick off and end your friendship with several people in the group who may think you are being petty (you'd be surprised by how many people will stick up for a stranger and say it's awful to be excluded but say nowt if it happened in their own friendship group to someone else!)
3. You say 'of course' then you cancel last minute with a stomach bug!

Doing 2 in the real World this will probably end your friendships with the others - certainly it will end your membership of the group (even if one of two of the others keep in touch). Nothing good can come of this response (even if you are then 'invited' to the Friday it would be awkward as...).

So it's 1 or 3 really, if you don't want to cause a scene and can accept that things probably won't be the same for you after this. Eventually you either withdraw completely or you use the group socially, when it suits you to have a night out, but you don't have any expectations of real friendships with everyone.

I would definitely do this. Just say can I just check...

Then the host can have a think about it.

With the added context that she was at your hen do and wedding recently, I'd not go. Excluding one of 6 is quite hurtful.

I'd be thinking that this is the reason I'd been invited at all!

Be honest and tell her you feel hurt by it. If you want to go on the Saturday then go for it, don't cut your nose off to spite your face but at least now you know the measure of this so called friend. Dont be passive aggressive or vindictive as that'll just make you look childish. Be a grown up here and say something like:

"To be honest, I feel a little hurt to be left out of Friday. Appreciate that's your choice to make and still look forward to celebrating with you on Saturday."

Although I think I would hard pass on bringing the cake!

Do not spoil the event deliberately. You will come out better in yourself if you rise above petty or dramatic. If you do not want to pick cake up or go just make an excuse . Explain how you feel to OP if you feel you want to otherwise let it go. I feel you might regret excesses advised.

I can’t say. It’s really outing.