To be hurt I’m not invited to the whole of my friend’s 50th?

I think 2 key things are whether she is paying for it all and whether the rest of the group know you are not going because you aren’t invited rather than bc you can’t make it.
It can be really hard to build these long standing friendships. I think I would go but if anyone asks why I wasn’t there on the Friday I would bluntly tell them I wasn’t invited. I would not collect the cake and would keep my distance from the birthday person.

Seems strange to exclude one person from the 6 friendship group?! I’d take it personally and would text back the friend asking about cake, sorry I’m not able to collect the cake as I’m not coming. I was quite upset to have been excluded from Friday night as I thought we were all good friends?! I’d message the birthday girl something similar too.

You can’t be “a bit autistic” that’s like saying “I’m a bit pregnant”. Sounds like she is trying to blame her poor behaviour on a condition she doesn’t have.

I think the same, OP states her and the birthday girl aren't close. Of course it might still sting but if she is genuinely keeping numbers down then that's just how it goes. At least its super clear on where OP stands with this friend and if there was any doubt to their closeness this shows it.

Just go enjoy Saturday, definately don't be doing an favours and carry on with being part of the group because why ruin it for yourself.

I think we all think we are close to people but the reality for them might be different.

That’s terrible

i think everyone saying they would be storming off and saying “fuck that” are reacting very strongly, maybe overreacting even

you are not that close to her, she will have lots of different groups there, and she cannot include everyone in her life (or does not want to and that is fair enough in my book)

i’d still go

but the friend who asked you to pick up the cake is lacking in sensitivity here and I would say sorry that part does not work for me, you 5 can sort the cake you ordered

so I advocate just a mini strop to the insensitive friend 😁😁😁 but other than that I’d just go off I felt like going

Hurtful to be left out. Part of me would be stubborn/not go. Op is it a nice group otherwise. Ah not nice though

Being hurt is valid. Pandering to it, letting it take up so much headspace and allowing birthday bitch to dominate the group in this way is entirely on the OP and the rest of the group I'm afraid. It's clear that OP isn't considered part of this group by the birthday bitch at least. The only dignified thing OP can do is politely but firmly tell her that she has hurt her feelings and considers the friendship over and then allow the others to arrange alternative meetings if they value her friendship

It’s hard isn’t it? It’s why I never become a ‘core member’ of any friendship group in my life from teens till now. I won’t abide the side lining and bullying in groups and won’t toe the line on unspoken queen bee worship expectations.

Dumbledore said it best “it takes a great deal of bravery to stand up to your enemies but a great deal more to stand up to your friends” (or similar)

Not everyone has the courage or is willing to risk their place in the hierarchy and their ongoing inclusion in friendship groups by being that one person that goes “errrrr why isn’t X invited?”

Most people just go along with it like it’s a completely normal and ok thing to do. Even when it glaring is not.

In my experience they are often quite popular unfortunately.

Can you double check with anyone you are close to in the group? Honestly if I was in a group and someone did this I’d be inclined to not go as well to make a point, it’s so deeply unpleasant and pointed and then trying to use you as a skivvy? That person would definitely

I wouldn’t bother going, she can get her own cake. Perhaps set up a lunch with the others after this and just not invite her.

Because thank goodness we are all different. The OP is clearly enjoying this friend group so exclusion would hurt. It's human nature and a very rare person who doesn't give a monkey's what others think of them. I know we all like to say that we don't care what others think, but in reality we do.

How do people that are this full of self-importance even keep any friends? Are people really so emotionally fragile that they'd rather pander to such mean, bitchy behaviour than be happy in their own company? It's bloody pathetic at 12 years old never mind 50

Love this - it is absolutely the way to deal with this kind of behaviour. If more people did this, maybe we wouldn't see it happen so often.

Absolutely correct.
If they were proper friends they would all say no thanks. All for one and one for all !!!!

Yes but you do not leave one person out, sorry, that is awful treatment of a friend. At the end of the day, they are friends , not the closest in the group, but still friends that see each other regularly. OP had just invited birthday girl to her hen and wedding. Do not bring the cake op, let the Friday night guests sort!

If they are going to back birthday bitch then why would you want to continue to be friends?

I think this whole situation is horrible. I've never been the popular one, but I would absolutely not go and sod the cake !!!
If the others don't know I would tell them
If they do know, and still go on the Friday then they are all complicit and I would sack the lot of them off.
never too late to make new friends
I think they're all awful.

this is a shit situation and really mean. Especially asking you to pick up the bloody cake!! You have every right to be hurt OP. But I would say you need to consider whether you are willing to risk falling out with the whole group over this- because if you do say you aren’t going because you have been excluded then there is a chance the whole group might back birthday girl should it blow up. I say this from similar experiences of what you are going through - unfortunately it is the path of least resistance for the rest of the group to stick together, find excuses for the birthday girl and follow her lead rather than stick their neck out and stand up for the person who has been hurt.
If you do go then do as pps have suggested - hang out with your other mates and have a laugh and treat birthday girl politely as an acquaintance in the future.

Id be hurt by this OP. Fair enough, if a couple of the others in the friendship group were told, just come Saturday too, fair enough; but to single one person out of the group is not ok. I would have to say something personally..

do the others in the group know youve been invited for one night only? If so they are taking the piss asking u to bring a cake

Wow. I'm 69 and have a great friendship group. You should try it.

But if its ok to do it then why is it not ok to mention to the rest of the group? Either they all know and are fine with it or shit scared to object. or they don't know and if the B.day girl thinks its an ok thing to do then why should they not know?

I would make an excuse not to collect the cake. That is easy done but she becomes the bad guy in the eyes of the rest of the group if she declines and doesn't prioritise this invite. She then can never complain she isn't an equal member as she was invited to a party that she didn't 'bother' to attend.

This whole situation has been played out 000s times. Mainly by 8 year olds - who seems to deal with it a lot better. 'I'm sad I'm not invited but A and B are my real friends in that group so it doesn't really matter that much that C missed me out'

Being upfront and/or antagonistic never works.

If you don't want to remain part of the group you can react however you want.

If you do, you either go and play nice (so you don't make others in the group feel bad) or you cancel last minute, so it looks like you wanted to go but couldn't . Of course the others will talk about you behind your back (and know you are pulling a sickie) but they will know why and be grateful you didn't cause any awkwardness.

friendships are fluid, even ones you think are steadfast. While it would hurt me too not to be invited to both nights (I mean how restrictive are numbers that first night)? It’s like weddings. I have always found it bizarre that people choose who gets to come to the whole day and who gets to come to the evening only (and some who have three tiers and it’s ceremony only, ceremony and dinner, or evening do).
Your friend has made a choice. How you take that is up to you. It’s not unreasonable to be hurt. But now you know how close she considers your friendship. I would go to the Saturday night party and do nothing else. But I would know where I stand and that would affect my feelings for this person forever more.

I generally don’t think it’s a good idea to assume bad faith with your friends. I’d probably go and see and possibly have a chat or ease of from friends with her afterwards if you think that she was being a bitxh rather than being truthful.

but sending a rude text and likely blowing up your friendships with the others is not the best way to go. If your mate says “can you come to the big party but not the pregame due to numbers” the best response is not FU I won’t come at all. It will just alienate you from your other friends.

you could also have a discreet chat to the friend you are closest with to gauge what is going on. Also if your other mates are asking you to help out they must think it’s fine too. So unless there is a group mission to be unkind to you maybe there’s something else. Ask.