To be hurt I’m not invited to the whole of my friend’s 50th?

This.
She's let you know exactly where you stand in her world, so now you can relegate her to the same place in yours.

I'd find something else to do for the weekend and enjoy yourself.

not inviting one person out of a total of six is "keeping the numbers down"? really???

I can understand why you're hurt. Being the only one in the friendship group not invited for the full weekend would sting. It may genuinely be about keeping numbers down rather than how she feels about you. I'd still go on Saturday, enjoy the celebration, and try not to read too much into it unless it's part of a bigger pattern.

hmmm. Don't you think that its putting the children into a situation where the BB can hurt them, demean them?

Sadly I have been you in a 'close friendship circle' and the main mouthpiece started doing shit like this and I just walked away from the lot of them as I cannot bear mean girl energy. She is giving you the slow fade/showing you you are of lesser importance. If you want to go sat for a few hours and see the lay of the land then do but say no to collecting the cake. Leaving you out and then using you is something this mouth in my old group did.

I would own very hurt too but I wouldn’t raise it with your children, tell them ye are going on Sat and bringing the cake.

@ArcanaQueen I think there have been a lot of good suggestions on this post-but the person who is going to face the aftermath of the decision is only you.

I think you need to step away from the thread-which would def wind me up if I were you-and think about what you want the aftermath to be.

Do you want to stay in the group?
Can you remain friendly with the birthday girl after this?

There are no right or wrong answer-just how you feel.

FWIW I think it was a very hurtful and unpleasant thing to do to you-I agree with someone upthread who said if it had been a couple of ppl you could sort of understand but that fact that it is only you stings.

You can go Saturday and try and rise above the slight but of course they will already have a shared experience and it may make you feel worse to hear them laughing about friday night.
I think if it was me I would bow out completely-but not in a friendship ending way.

Although asking you to pick up the cake is such an asshole thing to do.

Just reply saying that something has come up and you can't make the weekend after all. You hope they have a great time etc.

Then you can see how things unfold and decide how to go forward.
Good luck...

And please update!!

But this friend clearly doesnt care about OP's feelings does she? She literally ASKED her not to attend her event. Almost every single person in this thread has agreed it's hurtful AF, even if we all have different opinions on how to deal with it.

Plus, it's camping. She hasn't hired a hall with a maximum capacity number - it will make zero difference if one extra person comes camping on Friday so clearly this person couldn't give a flying fuck about OP's feelings and she doesnt want her there for some reason. I am all for being honest about how you feel ion most situations but in a blatant fuck you snub as this is, it wont achieve anything at all except make the OP look needy and a bit pathetic. If she puts a long "I'm really hurt" message in the group chat she is going to come across as whiny and petty and if she's causing trouble on someone's birthday. It will backfire spectacularly.

The best approach here is simply not to engage at all. Dont go to the weekend, dont pick the cake up, and decline saying you cant make it/have made other plans. That way, noone can accuse her of starting drama. Then, after this is all over she can decide whether she even wants to stay friends with this person or distance herself entirely from the birthday bitch.

If OP @ArcanaQueen has sent a message to the group or the party girl, then hope she feels better about it all now. Maybe she’ll update this thread with the outcome or maybe she won’t which is entirely her prerogative of course.

Why does she want to keep numbers low for Friday but not Saturday? Sounds mean and petty. I wouldnt go at all and tell her why. If she is a true friend she will apologise and feel like a c*. If she says OK then she isnt worth your time.

To be honest I don't really want to do group party weekends like a 20 something.

So I was told I only needed to attend one night, I would think you were doing me a favour.

its not what it makes you, its how the Bitch sees it. And you can be attacked without giving your permission. i didn't give permission for neighbours to attack and try to victimise me but they did it. And it wasn't saying that I was hurt or upset that stopped it.

@ArcanaQueen This is perfect!

Saturday night is the main party night with more people coming

That's from the first post.

ETA maybe the "friends" have organised the cake?

Sorry but I strongly disagree. To state honestly that something is hurtful and upsetting does not make you weak or a victim. There is nothing to be won or lost because OP didn't agree to enter a fight. She's stating her feelings and drawing boundaries without dropping to anyone else's level. And she's shining a spotlight on the bad behaviour from other parties.

Even if she is A Bit Autistic wouldn't one of the remaining 4 said hang on you've left op out and that's crappie..

I just this this example is a more elegant way of dealing with things. It gives space for you to continue being part of the group activities if that’s what you like, and doesn’t create any drama which is fairly easy for her to explain away and make you unfortunately look unreasonable or prone to overreaction

I think I’d just have a Saturday plan elsewhere that made it sound like a better offer and make your excuses.
it depends how much you valued this friendship. It sounds like it’s nice that you travel
away together so if you want to continue to do that I wouldn’t necessarily blow up the group chat and make a big deal of it.

I think you should answer her question honestly, about whether you will mind. If, as you say, she's autistic, she may have missed the fact that what she's doing is really socially unacceptable and may have ongoing complications for the social dynamics of the group. I would be quite blunt in your answer, give her space to backtrack and be gracious if she does.

"I'm a bit surprised to be honest, because I thought I was a valued member of the friendship group so being the only one who isn't included on Friday night is quite hurtful. I understand the stress of keeping numbers down, but I thought i was more than a number!"

See how she responds.

you don't get as old as I am without learning at least one thing!

This is so wise and the truth.
I wouldn't dream of going.
I wouldn't mention the cake, as how it gets there is fxxk all to do with you.
I also wouldn't say a word to anyone about it.
You simply couldn't make it.

I don't think there are. OP was asked to collect the cake "because all the rest of us will already be there."

That’s appalling

As there are others going cross on the Saturday I can't think why one of them wouldn't be asked to take the cake rather than the one person who has been uninvited from the Friday.

I agree @godmum56. Don't blow things up.