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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be hurt I’m not invited to the whole of my friend’s 50th?

584 replies

ArcanaQueen · 11/07/2026 10:31

I’m part of a 6 women friendship group. The group has quite a strong identity, we always meet for each other’s birthdays and we go away for a weekend together every year. One of the group is having a glamping/camping party for her 50th. It has become apparent that while I’m only invited for the Saturday night, the rest of the friendship group is invited for Friday and Saturday nights. I get that she and I aren’t as close as some of the relationships in the group. She sent me a text saying do I mind just coming on Saturday as she’s trying to keep numbers low for Friday. AIBU to feel quite hurt? Saturday night is the main party night with more people coming so perhaps I should just feel happy with that, and ordinarily I would if it wasn’t for the friend group context re. the Friday night, which just feels a bit “ouch”.

OP posts:
user67392097643 · 11/07/2026 11:08

With your update, it could quite possibly be the kids/your DH she has the issue with. Are your children full on? Or vastly different ages to the other kids? One of my friends has “spirited” boys, and frankly I’d not willingly spend any time with them although she herself is lovely!

hypnovic · 11/07/2026 11:08

Unless there is a family member going you habe fallen out with a freimd going that night who's boyfriend youve shagged its mean. Id say im really hurt to je left out and I don't feel ok to accept the invite amd id sack her off

Watermelonsugar44 · 11/07/2026 11:07

I feel for you as I had similar recently. I logged onto facebook to find my entire friendship group abroad on a city break to celebrate a 50th. I had no idea about it. The slight difference is their partners are more friendly and socialise together whereas mine is not invited. The 50th was one of my friends though. Also we have a younger child 14, whereas the others are all over 18.

Are the others going with partners and you aren’t or are your kids a different age which may affect things on the Friday?

Gardenisablooming · 11/07/2026 11:07

Is one of your dc a terror?

dudsville · 11/07/2026 11:06

That's really hurtful, especially as you'd included her even though you aren't a close with her as the others.

Frugalgal · 11/07/2026 11:03

If I was the only one excluded on the Friday and the other 5 were going I would be very affronted and not go at all.

I would say I've decided to cry off because I'm feeling upset at being excluded and wouldn't be good company on the Saturday and don't want to bring the party mood down.

Nanny0gg · 11/07/2026 11:02

Have the others passed any comment at all?

Weeellokthen · 11/07/2026 11:02

Nope, that's shockingly shit from an, alleged friend. I would not be going on the Sat, as I have feelings and value my self-esteem.

Thanksforyourlackofthought · 11/07/2026 11:01

Are all the Friday group taking family on the Friday or are their families just coming on the Saturday? If they are all having their families on the Friday too, I would absolutely not go as that's just salt in the wound to me. If its that they are not, but you have to take your two children due to childcare, I guess that would be more understandable.

wrongthinker · 11/07/2026 10:59

Why does she need to keep numbers down? Assuming you have your own tent/stuff?

I'm quite straightforward, OP, so I would probably message her something like, "I'm actually quite hurt by this and not sure how to respond. It seems weird and unkind to exclude one person out of the group, but obviously it's your choice. Don't know what else to say."

And I would post that in the group chat with a screenshot of the message to you (assuming it wasn't already in the group chat).

Frenchiex · 11/07/2026 10:59

Agree, if it were the 2 closest to her on the Friday and 4 on the Saturday, fair enough but to just exclude you is mean. Have you spoken to anyone else in the group about it?

FunnyOrca · 11/07/2026 10:58

I’m sorry. You always hope people will give up on these kind of games. Sad to hear it’s still happening at 50 💕

2dogsandabudgie · 11/07/2026 10:56

So would you be staying over on the Saturday night or are people invited on the Saturday going home afterwards?

MadamDicey · 11/07/2026 10:56

Are the others from the group invited to the friday and saturday ?
If they are i would give this a miss.

socialdilemmawhattodo · 11/07/2026 10:56

With your latest update I would ask to meet just her for a coffee. Something has happened. Worth finding out what.

honeylulu · 11/07/2026 10:55

To exclude one friend from an established group of 6 is really nasty and hurtful. You may be less close as a pair but that's really mean girl behaviour to leave one person out. Especially as you recently included her in your hen and wedding.

Original poster
ArcanaQueen · 11/07/2026 10:52

So, people are coming as a family, kids including, I’m taking just my 2 kids as my DH and stepson are busy, so it would be 3 extra people on the Friday. Still feeling hurt, though, and also by the bluntness of the text. It’s shocked me as she’s always been really lovely before. And I had a hen party of about 10 friends last month, and she came to that as well as to my wedding.

OP posts:
firstofallimadelight · 11/07/2026 10:52

I don’t think I would go if every other person in the group was going Friday. I’d just politely make my excuses.

Teeheehee1579 · 11/07/2026 10:51

Are you the only one of the 6 to be excluded from the Friday? If so you are absolutely not unreasonable to be hurt. I would usually say don’t destroy a friendship over things but in this case I’d not go.

Gardenisablooming · 11/07/2026 10:50

Id be staying home washing my hair. Keeping numbers small should not mean leaving 1 person from a group of 6 out.

Isn't that bullying ?

OttersOnAPlane · 11/07/2026 10:49

If you are the only one of the 6 to be excluded, yes, I understand why you are hurt.

HelpMeGetThrough · 11/07/2026 10:49

“Hi Friend, no problem at all, I’ve saved you a space for Saturday too, I’m busy doing something else.”

Then don’t bother responding to any message back, ever. Fuck people like this, can’t be arsed with them.

user67392097643 · 11/07/2026 10:47

If you’d enjoy the Saturday night thing, I’d still go. (Personally I’d pay not to go camping, so I would see this as a convenient excuse!) Shes told you what she thinks of you though, so depends if you'd like to put up with her to spend the evening with the other 4! What do they say? She’s made it very awkward for the whole group really…

PuppyMonkey · 11/07/2026 10:47

Ouch.

Bufftailed · 11/07/2026 10:44

She is inviting everyone else and not you. No, not on