To be hurt I’m not invited to the whole of my friend’s 50th?

Bluntly, I wouldn't accept this is a numbers issue. That's just the reason she's given you.

After all, it's the reason anyone posting on MN is advised to give if they don't want to include someone in something for any reason.

I'd respond with something similar to this

"I'm actually quite hurt by this and not sure how to respond. It seems weird and unkind to exclude one person out of the group, but obviously it's your choice. Don't know what else to say."

I'd probably say strange rather than weird and unkind though.

I wouldn't go to the one night either.

It's not so much that one night, it's what it says about the entire friendship group, the dynamics and your place in it going forwards.

Someone else commented that they thought people would grow out of this sort of thing but, sadly, I'm in my 50s and, yes, it still goes on.

What were the actual messages??

Was it pre-arranged and intentional that they come on Friday and the others don’t - so a private party type thing

or was it more a couple of them said that they don’t mind coming the night before and helping to set up etc and it’s just ended up being the others of the group but it wasn’t intentionally planned that way?

Wow

You're not good enough to be included in our regular group of 6 for the whole weekend, but good enough to do labour for it as we'll be too busy already kicking back and enjoying ourselves at the event to do it ourselves.

Exactly.

That is so cheeky! If I even did this job I'd be tempted to add my own appropriate message to the top of the cake!
Honestly, I would avoid the whole weekend, she's been really nasty to exclude 1 person from a group of 6 friends. I'd also be upfront with the whole group as to why you are not coming so the birthday girl can't spin it back on you.

Definitely lob this favour back to them then.

Not quite the point, but noone can be a bit autistic. It's like being pregnant- you either are or you aren't. And autism isn't a synonym for rude.

Ouch! There’s no way I’d bring the cake for her. In fact I’d politely decline the whole event as I don’t think I’d be able to enjoy it. Although if you only went on Saturday, at least you’d get out of all the set up on Friday. But none of it actually sounds fun

Would it fit up her arse? A new party game “fitting the birthday cake up the host’s chocolate starfish”.

Omg, let’s hope no one in the group becomes a lone parent - she’ll drop them like a hot brick.

Why are you making excuses for her? I’ve got an autistic friend and she doesn’t behave like this.

It’s a definite snub, excluding you out of a group even if you aren’t that close to her. She knows it’s her 50th celebrations and knows the stresses around it. What would you do next time you all meet up, listen in silence to them talk about the Friday celebrations?

Wow - you're expected to pick up the cake?
The cheek of her.

That cake should go up her arse.

If you are sure all of the group except you have been invited on Friday I wouldn’t attend at all and would withdraw from this group.

They want you to bring the cake ??cheeky fuckers!
Don't you bloody dare !

I also second this.

Who asked you to bring the cake?
The Birthday Host herself or one of the other Friday Nighters?

It would be a "Hell, No"

I’d not be going at all and I’d message her to tell her to pick her own cake up.
In fact I’d probably say shove your cake up your arse!
Have you had any contact from any of the others in the group about it? If I was one of the others I’d feel very uncomfortable that one person was being treated like this.

I’d be “forgetting” the cake or throwing it at her face (joking!) in this case.

@ArcanaQueen she doesn’t sound like a nice person at all, in fact she’s quite nasty. Have you seen this side of her before? I think theres’s more to this than ‘numbers’, is there a back story of some sort? Have you spoken to the other 4 members of the group as they must know you haven’t been invited to the Friday part or do you know if anyone else has been left out? If it’s just you and your 2 children who have been excluded then that’s a really mean thing to do, 3 extra people will hardly break the bank! Also, do all the children know each other as leaving 2 children out is just low. Do you generally feel included and happy when the 6 of you are together? You’ve invited her to your wedding etc so you obviously feel she’s a close friend.

My instinct is she’s jealous of you in some way or jealous of your life in general. Does your DH like her and what does he think of this situation? Would he actually want to go to this event if he wasn’t busy? I sometimes think men are better judges of people (my own DH included) and give a good / different perspective on things.

Oh wow, I’m sorry about this - I’d be a bit upset too. Before deciding what to do I’d probably have a think about how it will impact on my relationship with the others in the group, whether you’d still have fun with them on the one night, etc. I’m not saying you should go on account of others, mind you. Maybe you could be away that weekend anyway. I hope there turns out to be a very good reason for her behaviour.

I would send this.

No fucking way would I be bringing the cake. I wouldn’t go on the Saturday.

Now that does take the biscuit!

Oh come on that's ridiculous. As if you're going to do her a favour.