To be hurt I’m not invited to the whole of my friend’s 50th?

That explains nothing about why she singled you out. But as long as it makes sense to you... she was very likely made aware of this post, though.

Reasonable to bear all this in mind and focus on other friends.

That sounds very sensible and well balanced. You’re right to bare this incident in mind for the future .

Good for you, OP. I think that’s a reasonable and proportionate response, and that you are absolutely right not to burn bridges and escalate. Hope it’s enjoyable.

while its natural to want to know how things turn out, so long as the OP is comfortable with the outcome, that's the main thing.

Birthday girls excuses seem a bit far fetched and irrelevant as to why she singled you out OP. Like others had said it takes time and effort to actively single one person out of a group event - it wasn’t incidental and it would have been quicker and easier to just invite you all.
you sound like a really nice person OP and I’m glad that you are going to be gracious and focus on other friendships going forward. I hope you have fun with your family at the do.

I would also take a lot of the updated excuse with a pinch of salt

It will be BS, designed to make you feel sorry for her/her family.

This woman is a toxic liar who has recognised herself on here and has hung together events and what they as a family have been through and stress as the reason you aren’t invited to all her party . it will all be designed to make sure you know her not inviting you is not her fault.

Love to know the updated reason. I bet it’s got more holes in it than Swiss cheese

I’m just glad your not taking that bloody cake!

I don't think there can be any excuse for excluding one friend like this.

I absolutely would believe she has recognised herself on MN too.
She is not a nice person and certainly OP is correct to realise that.
The effort and thought required to single one person out like this is ugly.
She is not someone to ever call anything beyond an acquaintance going forward.

Friends certainly not behave like this.
Good luck OP.

Same- I am struggling to think of exactly what "stress" might cause someone to deliberately exclude someone from a friendship group and actually ask them not to come to a friendship event 🙄 If this person can handle 5 other friends being there then frankly, it seems a BS excuse to me.

The only thing I can think of is that her husband has a crush on you (and even then thats not your problem, its hers).

Do the others in the group not think it's rude/odd that you haven't been invited on the Friday too? I honestly wouldn't go to the whole weekend, I'd politely decline & do something nice with family

It sounds like you're being very gracious. I would find it very hard to think of any explanation that would justify this behaviour, to be honest, but ultimately I hope that the wider group makes more effort to care for you.

I was thinking that in a friendship group of six women aged 50 it is very likely they became aware of the thread.

Good! Maybe they can see how their actions are viewed and do better.

Don’t say this.

Yep. She has read this post

Move on, focus on positive friendships and not these sort of people.

I had something similar but only realised on the night that others had been invited to a longer celebration that included the whole weekend!

It made me feel really shit but actually I think the decision was more about how well my partner knew the other partners and how well my kids knew the other kids. The judgement was made on the dynamic rather than just me.

It hurt a lot but I’ve completely moved on (although I didn’t think I’d be able to at the time!). Don’t make any rash decisions.

Agree this is too coincidental to be anything other than that. Didn’t see your message first

From what you have written I would say that BB is creating unnecessary stress and bad feeling by doing things like singling people out. It takes time and thought and not nice conversations having to tell people that despite the rest of a group going they aren’t invited.

I would say you only got a nicer explanation because she recognised herself in here

I wonder if you hadn’t posted would she have given you an explanation.

I personally would know that she knew what I posted and why she had tried to smooth things over.

You’ve been treated badly and there’s really no excuse. I eat out in a group, there are “favourites “ I despise what it’s become. Good luck - glad you aren’t doing the cake, my thoughts are with you xx

I wonder if Birthday Girl is on Mumsnet and saw what people thought of her behaviour?

I am glad that you have had an outcome that you feel ok with. Whatever you do I hope you have a lovely weekend with your family.

I agree and that is why I suggested a calm and measured comment sent to all the group......always good to know who your friends are....and if the BB is happy to do it then surely she is happy for everyone else in the group to know what she did? Cake arranger person obvs knows because she asked OP to pick up the cake on saturday "because the rest of us will already be here" But its totally conceivable that BB has told the others that the Op had said that she "couldn't make it on friday but would love to be there for the rest of the weekend"

The mind boggles at how people can act like this and think it is normal behaviour and expect others to just accept it without any judgment.
Surely the others in the group will ask where you are when you don't arrive on the Friday evening? Also, how will the BB benefit from you not being there? Is it related to the cost of food or refreshments?
As for the cake, I know where I’d like to put it 😂

To give another perspective; in a group of six one of them organised a gathering and left one of the women out. I, completely assuming she had missed her accidently replied all on the message pointing out her error. She was immediately added in with apologies and explanation of being distracted.

The gathering went ahead and many glasses of wine later I was cornered by the organiser and her sidekick berating me for not just going along with the five people on the list.

I was shocked and said I'd no idea she was being excluded and I wouldn't have wanted to be a part of that.

So don't assume they are all in on it.