To be hurt I’m not invited to the whole of my friend’s 50th?

I think i would definitely say sonething to her about it being hurtful and asking about it. Otherwise either uou put up witb it and go but you have doubts and never feel secure in the friendship group again, or you lose them as friends anyway. Its lose lose without some kind of conversation to establish what is going on here. My DH tackled something similar recently - he asked what happened on x night and said it was hurtful to be missed out. I was proud of him and it was all sorted out. We'd been thinking of reasons, eg, we weren't as close as the other people but withoutva conversation you can only speculate, and that really impacts on the future relationships.

I’d send her a message saying that I am extremely hurt to be the only one not included in the whole weekend and leave it at that

It isn't teenage insecurities. It is beyond bad manners to exclude one of a group of friends. You might think manners and kindness don't count but fortunately most people disagree.

Just say that you feel awkward being the only one of the group that’s just invited to the Saturday so you prefer to give the whole weekend a miss. You wish whatever her name is a happy birthday. Don’t Mention The Cake.

Just someone who has grown out of teenage insecurities and has a sense of proportion.

It’s not, you know. It depends on the outcome the OP wants. She can’t make the hosting friend magically closer to her, or dictate her invitations. She has one choice, whether to attend or not, with the subsidiary choice of if/how she responds to the text.

If, as it sounds, the friendship group is important to her and she wants to retain it, the very last thing she should be doing is sidelining herself further or trying to get the group to take sides or boycott the party or the stuff some people are boycotting. She’s naturally hurt that the host has singled her out as the one to be cut from their group, but it’s in her hands whether she lets this end her participation in a friendship group she values.

Yeah thats rough but not sure any of the advice on here is particularly sound though.

I wouldn't respond for a while to be honest until you sort your feelings out. Rejection from any group hits hard, especially if you are a bit blindsided and the only one.

See how you feel on the Saturday.. but my childish self would agree to go and then be "sick" but not tell her until after the bakery is shut.

"Ouch! Way to rub in that I'm on the B list Friend"

This is why I don’t bother with many ‘friends’ now. Happy in my own space anyway.

You sound like the biggest wet wipe ever.

I don't think some women ever do, forever the playground mentality.....

OP, I would also find this really hurtful.

It appears all the others are well aware you are not invited on Friday also. Are you particularly close to any of them and would you feel comfortable contacting them to ask if they are aware of why? Or if any of the group has expressed surprise or questioned it?

I feel it would not only affect my relationship with party host but also with the others who seem to be happy to just go along with it.

Absolutely terrible advice!

Respectfully, this kind of childish spite and trying to escalate your individual snub into becoming everyone’s problem is why so many Mners struggle with friendship. It’s not a whole-class party for Reception omitting one child. It’s a huge weekend party involving lots of different friendship groups and the OP acknowledges that while the ‘group’ identity in his individual group is strong, she and the woman hosting the party aren’t close.

OP, of course you’re not unreasonable to feel mildly hurt, but I think @pinkdelight is right in her approach. If the group as a whole it’s important to you, then I don’t think you should cut your nose off to spite your face. If you will enjoy the Saturday, attend it.

This hits just the right tone and I think would be a good message to send.

Hi again, OP -

If you have one trusted friend in the group you can discuss this with, rest assured that they will spread the word about what happened. I think that looks much better than doing it yourself.

Exactly.

I don't particularly like my partner's daughter in law. There are many reasons for this.

But, assuming I have a hen do of sorts before we get married, I'll still invite her. Because it would be downright rude to include his sister and daughter and not her. And would say a lot more about me than it would about her and my reasons for disliking her.

It would be a clear statement to the others and put them in an uncomfortable position. It would make things awkward in the family going forwards too.

God, don't do this unless you want to lose the whole group of friends.

Show some class and maintain your dignity by just being busy that Sat night.

This is absolutely awful, especially since the reason your DC won’t have their dad there is because he’s passed.

So you’re good enough to pick up the cake, but not good enough to be there for the whole weekend?

Being the only one of the six excluded is absolutely awful. And by the way, I’m AuDHD so she can fuck off with her “little bit autistic” excuses.

I really don’t think you should go. It’s humiliating to be thrown a few breadcrumbs. You deserve so much more than being treated like second best.

Have you replied to her yet?

Do you have other friends - is this your main friendship group?

Will refusing this event blow up the friendship group for the future - and if so, do you care? As it’s one of the rest of the group that’s asked you to pick up the cake they clearly all know you’ve been left out. I don’t think these are your friends - they’re treating you like a hanger-on.

I wouldn’t go OP - I think I’d say something like “Being the only one out of our group not invited for the Friday is a bit humiliating, tbh. To avoid any awkwardness on your weekend I think it’s probably best that me and the DC bow out completely. I hope it goes well.”

I wouldn’t demean yourself by going OP. I’m so sorry this has happened 💐

ugh no.. this is terrible advice. You are basically telling the OP to be a doormat ffs. Fuck being a nice person who gets walked over. I think OP's friend is the churlish one!!

Just don't go. I wouldn't say why as it would cause awkwardness with the rest of the group. Just make a vague excuse and leave her to it. It's a shit to do, exclude one.

Please, please don’t give this headspace. Just go, enjoy the Saturday night and your friends. Your kids will have a great time and you can too.

Group situations throw up all sorts of issues and, at my advanced age, I just can’t get upset about ‘who invited who’. All sorts of things come into play - numbers, cost, kid dynamics, partners.

If you get all offended and dwell on it, who suffers? Not them. What’s that phrase about bearing a grudge is ‘like drinking poison and expecting your enemy to die’.

Be grateful you don’t have to do two night’ camping I say. And I’d collect the cake, because you’re a nice person and it looks churlish not to.

1 out of a group of 6 being excluded is horrible.

Yes. Excluding one family out of six families doesn't make it any better.

My friendship groups have smaller stuff happening - 3 Marathon runners out of 8 people, 4 that love musical theatre, 4 that love the Chelsea Flower show etc so different people doing stuff together. All good.

But we wouldn't invite 7 out of 8 to an event we all enjoy and have done together in the past.

The cake picking up would be a hard no from me .
Perhaps she's only inviting you that day because she has that job that needs doing .

I'm afraid I'd be reminding her you included the whole group to your celebrations and are hurt she hasn't got the same goodwill as you .
" So no I won't be coming to your party "

This. 100%

Send this text OP. It is perfect.