To be hurt I’m not invited to the whole of my friend’s 50th?

I have to wonder at the personality type who makes their own celebration an opportunity to show their dislike of someone.

Good grief what a lot silly waffle that comes across as being grateful for crumbs from the top table.

This. It is such a clear cut example of unkindness and exclusion. And to ask OP to do a chore the next day. Awful.

With each update she sounds worse. Seriously consider not going. Not only excluding you, but your children. If you go on Saturday your children will no doubt have to hear about the fun the others had on Friday night. As will yiu from the rest of the friend group.
To deliberately exclude someone and make it obvious is cruel and heartless. Presumably the rest of the group are aware and agree by asking you to pick the cake up. This suggests other discussions taking place from which you have been excluded, very disrespectful.
It would be a hard no from me.

I think if you’ve attended a 10 person hen night and the subsequent wedding you’d assume they considered you a good friend.

I wonder how it would have gone down if the Op had excluded her from those events or gave an evening invitation only.

ETA the birthday woman was very happy to accept the OP’s hosting when it suited her to be included.

I mean tbh I'd decline simply on the basis that camping for one night is really fucking irritating.

I think that’s fair. Especially as the hosting friend clearly has lots of different friendship groups so one individual she’s not close to in one group among many just isn’t going to register. The OP is clearly far more reliant in this single group and feels being the one of six being snubbed acutely, but from the host’s POV, she’s not only not inviting X from the OP’s group for Friday, she’s also not inviting Y and Z from her choir, not inviting A and B from her sea swimming group etc etc. She’s going through all her groups and not inviting the people she’s least close to from each setting.

"Of course I can pick up the cake!"

And take it home and eat it with my kids while you all have your stupid party 🤣

You really think people who have invited this woman to celebrate weddings, birthdays and hen dos etc because she is part of the friendship group and now find that every other person in the friendship group has been invited to celebrate her birthday over 2 day and they are only invited on the 2nd day are going to shrug their shoulders and be happy to be used for what ever errand the birthday girl deems necessary.

I would not commit to anything then go away with your dc and have a great time.

Tell her via text that as she is struggling and don’t want to add to her struggles you have decided to stay away. Dont mention the cake.

Then block her and the rest of your friendship group.

Then look up how to do a rain dance over where they are going.

Camping in summer weather is one thing

Trudging around in mud and rain is quite snother

@ArcanaQueen Can you and your kids join your DH and his?

Then, oh dear, double booked.

She will know it's a lie - but I wouldn't put any effort in now for one night, knowing you specifically from your friends had been excluded.

Or just go off and do your own thing with your kids.

I wouldn't let them be classed as less.

As someone who is actually autistic. I would be overthinking and probably inviting more than I could - to make sure I did not accidentally upset someone. Which in my experience is far more common an approach for neurodiverse women! The path of people pleasing.

On reflection, although my first inclination might have been not to go, I agree. 'When they go low, you go high' might be a more appropriate. Then, if she's hoping to create a division in the group, she will be disappointed.

I suspect the divisions are already there, however.

Yes, while I think be kind can easily be overdone this is a really straightforward situation where you’d really have hoped someone at 50 could be a little kinder :(

Ouch. I'd be a no for that chore.

My kids have had this recently but I am so sad to hear that this happens with grown ups. No wonder kids struggle seeing this behaviour at home...

I don't think I would go at all. I would come up with an excuse (not brave enough to say how hurt I am)

But it says something about the group. They seem to accept this behaviour and I am not sure if I could be part of that either.

Hopefully you get to know the real reasons for this poor behaviour from them all

Brilliant response.
Do it @ArcanaQueen
And if it was me, I can guarantee you I would re-post her text message to you on to your group chat, allowing the other friends in the group to see it, and then post the response from @Shedmistress underneath it.
What a thoughtless and selfish woman she is. You won't enjoy the Saturday evening now anyway, knowing you've been excluded from half of it.

Mmmm, I’m inclined to agree!

Perception of friendship strength is not always even on both sides.

Things will obviously change now. But there is no reason for you not to go on Saturday if you wanted to. Recognise that you aren't as close as your thought. I wouldn't pick up the cake- as that's something a close friend would do- be busy then.

This gives you a chance to seek new friendships. Maybe even shake up the group of 6 and have a smaller gathering with the people you are closer to and mix in some other friends.

Time for a change.

I love this and would go with that!
I hate 2 tiered events.

Holy shit - ive just read they asked you to pick up the cake too?

Fuck that. I wouldnt be going, and I certainly wouldnt be picking up some stupid cake either. Good grief, the cheek of them.

Actually this might be better than what I suggested.

This nails it @arcanaqueen

What did you reply to the friend who asked you to bring the cake?

I’d probably send her a message back saying that you were hurt to be excluded and then being asked to pick up the cake because you’ve been excluded is a bit of an extra kick in the teeth so you won’t be doing it.

Then consider whether you want to go at all.

I’d be hurt too and unsure how much of a big deal I’d want to make of it but would not be picking up the cake.

Simpling you? 😕

This would be my response. Afraid I would be happy to burn bridges as it clearly indicates I am somehow considered lesser. I’d be quitting the group via any whatsapps etc too. It wouldn’t feel the same again after this snub. It also, almost feels as though, you have to earn your place to be there by fetching the cake, so i wouldn’t be doing that either.

Given the background of losing your children’s father and the remarriage, i think this sounds very petty and playground level. Am actually very angry for you.

But withdrawing from the group may not be the right course for you, so do what you feel you must.