To be hurt I’m not invited to the whole of my friend’s 50th?

Not only would I not pick the cake up, I would t tell them I wasn’t going to pick the cake up so that they have a last minute rush to get it.

Is everyone paying for their own accommodation or is birthday girl paying for it all? Even if she is, how much money will she save for one night of camping vs two nights?

is it just your group of 5 and families, or are there other friends/relatives/colleagues going?

How old are the kids? Considering it involves an overnight, maybe some of the mums are a bit iffy about having a boy in a mix of girls vs only girls. Obviously it sounds like each child is with their family but you can never been 100% sure if it involves teens. They might decide to meet up in secret, sneak out or whatever.

I had a group of friends years ago and we used to do lots together. The last 2 singles got themselves partners, lovely. This left me the only single person & I found myself excluded from outings/dinner groups - couples only. I only realised when I innocently asked one of them how their weekend went. I was hurt but it meant I never felt guilt turning down future invites where they needed bums on seats to fill a venue. I wasn’t missing out because I didn’t want to go anyway, but I would’ve made the effort before I was banished for being a spinster (30th parties). Not the same but this thread reminded me of it - I’m sure the hurt is similar. If this was me I would say thank you for the invite but I already have plans, have fun & hope to see you all soon. Avoids drama & retains friendships x

No need for all the long texts, just say you’re now busy that weekend.

I would pass on that.
It could be a lot of things, not least the cake pick up.

It's not nice though and I would say something has come up so just won't make it.

For me the one night would be enough, but I don't tolerate mean girl rudeness, so wouldn't bother with it.

I wouldn't give her the soot of being upset, just a short text back that you won't be able to make it after all.

Lots of responses with suggestions of bowing out. Choose one that suits your personality. In your shoes, arriving with the cake on the Saturday I’d feel like shouting “Hi! Muggins here!” Very bad for your self esteem and it looks like you don’t mind them walking all over you.
Are you invited on the Saturday just so you can pick up the cake?
Your turning down the invitation will send the message that you won’t be treated like shit.

So she wants to leave you out (the only person in the group) and then have you do her a favour- fuck that!

Do you feel you could talk to one or more other members of the group to take temperature? If it was me I wouldn’t go, but she will chat shit about you as a defence mechanism (even if in a subtle way) and if you would be bothered about being “squeezed out” of the group you want to try and get ahead of that if possible.

I’d be too busy for the cake (that’s a job for a close friend anyway) and turn up late nd leave early but be very smiley and fun whilst there. The present would be modest too.

Im so sorry she’s singling you out in this way, even if she is stressed (& if so she could have had a better convo with you about it) she’s being a bit of a cow.

OP, a simple question, if she didn't want you to come, why were you invited in the first place?

Is she the QUEEN of the group, and so made a big announcement about the party while you were all together, and then realised that in actual fact things were running away with her, but rather than pulling back on invites, she continued to invite other people, and then was forced to uninvite someone she'd already asked?

In your shoes I would definitely put message on the group chat, saying that as you've been uninvited for the Friday, you won't be going on the Saturday, so someone else will have to collect the cake. Then see if any of the remaining four makes contact to ask you what's going on, if not, then I'd be having a serous think about whether these people are actually friends or not.

The whole group sound awful.

I have a similar friendship group and naturally some of us are closer than others, and do meet up separately as twos or threes sometimes, but there's no way we'd ever leave one of us out of an event like a 50th. It's so obviously not okay I'd think less of anyone pretending not to realise or trying to defend it.

What a nerve! You’re good enough to bring the cake but not enough to be invited to the whole event? No no no!

Turn up and you’re effectively say it’s ok to treat you as ‘lesser’. Don’t turn up and you might be forever sidelined. If your friend is autistic and doesn’t see how she is subtly excluding you, I guess it’s forgivable but is she? Because anyone with an ounce of intelligence would see that this is really shit. Either way, I don’t see how the friendship can recover. It’s particularly galling that she was invited to a small hen do/wedding.

Has nobody from the wider group reached out, given they must know as you’ve been asked to pick up the cake (fuck that for a lark!) or is that just expedient of the asker? I’d be really pissed off if nobody else has gone gone ‘Hang on, OP has been excluded from Friday!’

I have this done to me many times i now dont have any close friends at all now i dont go to weddings or birthday parties they cause me more grief and upset honestly some people especially women can be mean and nasty i would stay at home with your family dont worry about them it is painful being left out but its their problem and not yours

Still don’t even know what kind of cake it is.

exasperated

No she can't do that because they'll all call her rude for ghosting and blame her for the fact there's no cake. She'll be walking right into the role of villain.

OP as the first poster said, this has put you in an impossible and very unfair position and there's no right way to go about this. Any response, or lack of response from you will change the dynamic of the group permanently anyway and that's not your fault. All you can do is the thing that will make you feel the least shit.

You could suck up the insult and join on Saturday but with the unspoken knowledge that you are considered a second-tier friend. Or you could be honest with her, and say that you find it hurtful to be the only one of your group who's excluded from Friday and it's made you feel differently about coming on the Saturday.

I think this is good.

I might pick up the cake.

And then again I might accidentally drop it…..

Actually the picking up the cake would be the decider for me, if I were not good enough company for Friday I would not be good enough to be a cake courier.

Hate to hear these kind of thoughtless situations. I would suggest a less dramatic but equally effective response:

”Oh, ok. Thanks for letting me know. Should be a great celebration! 🎉 🍾 🎂 🎈”

Then don’t say anything else to anyone but don’t turn up. That Way you won’t spoil the party and be forever remembered as flouncing the group, throwing a strop, or guilt-tripping the Friday Four.

If you’re asked about collecting the cake, say that you can’t.

If / when AFTER the party, you’re asked why you didn’t attend, be honest at that point and say you were disappointed to learn that the friends were seemingly ok with you being sidelined for the birthday celebration, as you thought you had mutual group friendships. On learning otherwise, you didn’t want to raise it beforehand as you didn’t want to detract from their plans and celebrations. Then say that you value all their friendships and cannot imagine a scenario where you would be ok with anyone in the group being sidelined, but this shift means that you’d prefer to spend time differently going forward and not as one group.

That way you’re being true to yourself, honest with the group and means you still leave the door open for the friendships that you wish. The true friends will understand and reflect on their part in the change, and you’ll have dealt with things in a way that’s fair and doesn’t create space for them to deflect and blame you.

Agree with this. This is a great reply and gets your point across without drama.

Although it is very tempting to skip the whole thing, that way is sadly likely to you losing the whole friend group.

There are other people coming too I think. Chances everyone has girls is a bit slim.

Not unreasonable at all. It’s so rude and hurtful.

What did you reply? I think I would have spent hours trying to think of what to say to that!

Or you could say yes to bringing the cake but have to do a sudden emergency stop and bring the cake in, in separate pieces.

i think this all sounds crap and if you’re gut reaction thinks you should really have been with the other 4 from the group, then it does sound like you’ve been treated weirdly. I’d definitely be talking to the other 4 and see if they can shed light on it.

If she is ‘a little bit autistic (!!)’,

I’d ask her directly, “why was it me you chose to exclude on Friday night but not one of the others?”

I’m fully autistic and appreciate directness, rather than pointless passive hints and downright lies.

Are their others going apart from the original 6 ? Or is the just the friendship group and your the only 1 excluded

I’d say you’re not available in the day to get the cake. Sod them. They aren’t very nice.

At least she’s not expecting OP to make the cake, only collect it. Could be worse!
Having seen your updates, I don't think i would go. Or collect the damn cake!