To be hurt I’m not invited to the whole of my friend’s 50th?

@ArcanaQueen I'd be ignoring the cake request and probably wouldn't go at all. Terrible migraine dontya know 😉
I hope you have other friends? This group sounds mean. They all know you've been left out of Friday night.

I’d just politely decline and vaguely say you have something else on. And going forward, maybe just plan a few separate things with others in your group who you’re close to. Sounds like maybe she doesn’t really want you in the group, and is trying to push you out.

Sad for you. And a shock.

Could be you are not being invited due to her not wanting to offend your DH and step-son.
Possibly the group is not happy for unknown boy and your son sleeping over with all girls.

Just attend the main party.
It will take a while for your new family unit to seem familiar to all others, including children.

May be just a matter of space and not having space for the boys.

Don’t attend and don’t collect the cake. Fuck them. She’s a bitch.

If you decide to go to the Saturday I would say: "Sorry, I can't collect the cake. After X made me aware I was only invited to the Saturday portion of the event, I made plans around this".

If you decide not to go to any of it I would be politely blunt: "Hi all, after I was made aware I'm only invited to the Saturday portion of events to keep numbers down, I've decided to sit this one out to avoid any awkwardness. I'm looking forward to seeing you all at our next get together"

I know some will say that's petty, but for all you know she's told your friends you couldn't make it for the whole weekend, rather than admit you were unwelcome. I'd want my friends to know the full story. The only downside is this may ruin the dynamic of your group.

No I dont think so

I think it's just being realistic. My approach is that, as we go through life, friendships wax and wane

Do you think that “mature attitude to friendship” just means people can treat you badly or as an afterthought and they know you will not do or say a thing

So you’re the cake collector! Cheeky mare.
Id refuse to go altogether I think.

Feck THAT!!

She is one CFing bitch!

Stop making excuses for her and trying to reason it out.

She is not a good friend to you.

I'd just message her saying something like

'Just wanted to be clear that I can't collect the cake or attend on the Saturday. Thanks'.

And leave it.

Do not send her birthday wishes etc.

She made her bitchy little bed. Let her lie in it.

Yeah, I wouldn't go to the Saturday either.

You being the only one of the friendship group excluded is just rude.

Feck that meangirl shite.

I think I'd decline the invitation and forget about it. Just say that you can't make the party and wish her Happy Birthday. You don't need to explain why and there's no need to involve the rest of the friendship group. If she asks why, say something like that weekend doesn't work for me now.

Full disclosure that I can't stand camping so I wouldn't want to go in the first place!

Did you agree? Please say no.

Did you agree? Please say no.

Being excluded for numbers is utter bollocks. Do not accept crumbs from her table of friendship. Arrange things without her. Nothing lasts forever.

I have two close friends from university, let's call them Anna and Jane. At various times throughout our adult life, I've had more in common with one or the other. Anna's son is getting married next year. I already know that Jane will be invited to the whole thing and I'll be an evening guest only

Does it sting a little? Yes

MN would probably tell me to end the friendship and never speak to Anna or Jane again

But I think i have quite a mature attitude to friendships, so I'll probably (1) go to the evening event, (2) accept that Anna feels closer to Jane than me (3) acknowledge there may well be valid reasons for that (4) enjoy the evening event and (5) remain friends with them both

But, i also protect myself. So, if I were invited to the whole day, I'd plan my summer holiday around it. But, since I'm only an evening guest, I'd feel comfortable declining the invite if that's the best time for me to go on holiday

Yep. Screw that kind of bitchy drama. Life is too short.

That’s really unkind, you’re a group of six, you should be treated as such for things like this. I’m sorry she’s not being inclusive when she absolutely should be.

Has there been issues in the group before? With this woman? Have you spoken to any of the others?
did anything happen at your hen or wedding?

Has anything happened which has caused friction between you?

Yeah this. OP I think it's horrible that you've been singled out to be dropped from the Friday night. It would definitely make me question my place in that group.

Bloody cheek that you've been asked to pick up the cake!!! 😑

Make her squirm and ask who else out of your group of 6 is not invited to Friday so you can maybe do something with them beforehand if they are free.

OP, regardless of the autistic traits, she's been very rude and if you just let it pass without comment, she gets away with it. It's astonishing that you've been asked to pick up the cake. I think you need to say outright that you're hurt by this and would prefer not to come at all in the circumstances.

Don’t do this

This 100%

This sums it up nicely - don’t be afraid to take charge of your life. I believe you’ll be much happier swerving this occasion perhaps BD girl will think differently about you next time.
She obviously doesn’t mind treating you badly because she knows you won’t react….. don’t give her the satisfaction.
I like the many suggestions along the lines of if numbers are a problem I’ll not come at all.