To be hurt I’m not invited to the whole of my friend’s 50th?

ArcanaQueen · 2026-07-11T09:31:03+00:00

I’m part of a 6 women friendship group. The group has quite a strong identity, we always meet for each other’s birthdays and we go away for a weekend together every year. One of the group is having a glamping/camping party for her 50th. It has become apparent that while I’m only invited for the Saturday night, the rest of the friendship group is invited for Friday and Saturday nights. I get that she and I aren’t as close as some of the relationships in the group. She sent me a text saying do I mind just coming on Saturday as she’s trying to keep numbers low for Friday. AIBU to feel quite hurt? Saturday night is the main party night with more people coming so perhaps I should just feel happy with that, and ordinarily I would if it wasn’t for the friend group context re. the Friday night, which just feels a bit “ouch”.

Aslana · 23/07/2026 07:40

I understand you would be feeling puzzled and hurt but after her later text and what people have said here you have decided you have better things to do. Re-evaluation of your relationship with whole group. Very silly woman and not worth your attention.

Mammut · 22/07/2026 19:54

How did it go @ArcanaQueen?

Anonyanonay · 15/07/2026 10:03

FairKoala · 13/07/2026 08:56

I would also take a lot of the updated excuse with a pinch of salt

It will be BS, designed to make you feel sorry for her/her family.

This woman is a toxic liar who has recognised herself on here and has hung together events and what they as a family have been through and stress as the reason you aren’t invited to all her party . it will all be designed to make sure you know her not inviting you is not her fault.

Love to know the updated reason. I bet it’s got more holes in it than Swiss cheese

This. Birthday Girl, if you're reading this post, we see you for the nasty piece of work you are!

godmum56 · 14/07/2026 15:17

beAsensible1 · 14/07/2026 14:48

i didnt say they should know, that would be accomplished by asking them not sending a pissy message to the group which will likely just be ignored.

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I wasn't suggesting a pissy message

beAsensible1 · 14/07/2026 14:48

godmum56 · 12/07/2026 13:22

But if its ok to do it then why is it not ok to mention to the rest of the group? Either they all know and are fine with it or shit scared to object. or they don't know and if the B.day girl thinks its an ok thing to do then why should they not know?

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i didnt say they should know, that would be accomplished by asking them not sending a pissy message to the group which will likely just be ignored.

honeyrider · 13/07/2026 21:19

He BB if you're still reading this thread you're nasty.

nomas · 13/07/2026 20:54

ArcanaQueen · 12/07/2026 23:10

Thanks all. I’ve received a further, warmer message with more explanation. I’m not going to go into detail as I think it could identify the family — re very particular things they’ve been through — but suffice to say they’ve been under stress in the past and some effects are still around. Although I think I would have handled things a bit differently if I were hosting, I’m opting for being gracious but realising my place for the future and seeing it as a sign to focus more on my individual friendships rather than the group. PS. I’m not bringing the cake.

That's a good balance between gracious and assertive, I like it. How did they react to you not bringing the cake?

outerspacepotato · 13/07/2026 20:50

I agree with a lot of the others. She's read this and is trying to give an excuse that's stupid bullshit.

When she went low, you went high and that's the best way to leave this group. No fuss, no muss, you give them no headspace or cake and you concentrate on new friends and activities.

scoobysnaxx · 13/07/2026 20:43

ilovemykindle · 13/07/2026 20:25

OP do any of the other friends know that you have been excluded from the Friday night.
If so what did they say. If they are going along with you being left out they are just as bitchy
as the birthday girl

Yes have they reached out to you? Said anything?

ilovemykindle · 13/07/2026 20:25

OP do any of the other friends know that you have been excluded from the Friday night.
If so what did they say. If they are going along with you being left out they are just as bitchy
as the birthday girl

Horses7 · 13/07/2026 19:18

Aslana · 13/07/2026 11:44

Ouch! I wouldn't feel comfortable just going on the Saturday night. Very childish behaviour on her part if you always do everything as a group. Stay dignified, see how you feel about the Saturday and re-evaluate your relationship with the group.

I agree with this.
OP I know it’s easy for us to pontificate about what we would do when we don’t have to do it BUT I honestly believe wild horses couldn’t drag me to the 2nd tier celebration of a so called friend’s birthday.
The fact that a lot of people are aware of this situation will make it feel worse.
Your ‘friend’ obviously knows what she has done and is still unwilling to involve you on the Friday. The cake business is neither here or there in the great scheme of things.
I’ve cut a long term ‘friend’ from my life on at least two occasions and only feel relief. I didn’t fall out with them but they know where they stand. The other joint friends are still my friends and I actually see more of them now.

NiftyFawn · 13/07/2026 19:17

I would help her keep the numbers down and give the full weekend a miss . Comes across as purposely nasty

ilikemethewayiam · 13/07/2026 18:57

WhereYouLeftIt · 12/07/2026 23:24

I wonder if Birthday Girl is on Mumsnet and saw what people thought of her behaviour?

I wondered this!

Ohdearnotthisagain · 13/07/2026 18:04

Seriously odd message from her and I’d still decline. You do not need this person in your life, nor the person who had the gall to ask you to bring the cake! Another absolute ahole.

AlwaysExtraHot · 13/07/2026 17:06

ArcanaQueen · 12/07/2026 23:10

Thanks all. I’ve received a further, warmer message with more explanation. I’m not going to go into detail as I think it could identify the family — re very particular things they’ve been through — but suffice to say they’ve been under stress in the past and some effects are still around. Although I think I would have handled things a bit differently if I were hosting, I’m opting for being gracious but realising my place for the future and seeing it as a sign to focus more on my individual friendships rather than the group. PS. I’m not bringing the cake.

PS. I’m not bringing the cake.
Jolly good!

MyCrushWithEyeliner · 13/07/2026 13:42

Not sure I understand how the family stress equates to leaving you out, but I hope you enjoy yourself. You seem like a lovely person.

Aslana · 13/07/2026 11:44

Ouch! I wouldn't feel comfortable just going on the Saturday night. Very childish behaviour on her part if you always do everything as a group. Stay dignified, see how you feel about the Saturday and re-evaluate your relationship with the group.

user0003527 · 13/07/2026 10:56

OriginalUsername2 · 13/07/2026 10:54

And OP’s family have had stress and grief too.

People can be really shit.

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Yes, exactly.

OriginalUsername2 · 13/07/2026 10:54

user0003527 · 13/07/2026 10:42

I agree - ive been through some extremely stressful times in the past. Including very close bereavements etc

Not once did I ever think "I know, I'll exclude one person from my friendship group- that will help my stress and grief" 🙄

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And OP’s family have had stress and grief too.

People can be really shit.

user0003527 · 13/07/2026 10:42

Ethelspagetti · 13/07/2026 10:39

I read your update. I really don’t understand how by excluding you, her stress levels will improve?! It’s really odd of her. I personally wouldn’t go to any part of it and remember not to invite her to further events. She’s made things very awkward to say the least. Because you will see each other at shared events and probably start to avoid each other. Well done for not agreeing to collect the cake. That was so thoughtless of the person who asked you.

Edited

I agree - ive been through some extremely stressful times in the past. Including very close bereavements etc

Not once did I ever think "I know, I'll exclude one person from my friendship group- that will help my stress and grief" 🙄

Ethelspagetti · 13/07/2026 10:39

I read your update. I really don’t understand how by excluding you, her stress levels will improve?! It’s really odd of her. I personally wouldn’t go to any part of it and remember not to invite her to further events. She’s made things very awkward to say the least. Because you will see each other at shared events and probably start to avoid each other. Well done for not agreeing to collect the cake. That was so thoughtless of the person who asked you.

godmum56 · 13/07/2026 10:34

Victorius19 · 13/07/2026 10:20

You are very wise OP to take this as a warning shot that you're on the fringe of this group now, and Queen Bee has been successful in her sting. I would slowly ease myself out of it and let her find her next target.

nah success would be if the OP had accepted not being there on friday, taken the cake and grovelled. We don't know exactly what the OP did do but it sounds like BB did not win!

Victorius19 · 13/07/2026 10:20

You are very wise OP to take this as a warning shot that you're on the fringe of this group now, and Queen Bee has been successful in her sting. I would slowly ease myself out of it and let her find her next target.

Teado · 13/07/2026 09:52

I think that she recognised herself on MN and felt bad. I suppose it’s good that she cares enough about your feelings to get in touch and that she recognises (presumably) that her behaviour was not acceptable and belongs in the school playground. Enjoy the weekend OP.

Notonthestairs · 13/07/2026 09:45

I think you have behaved with a great deal more graciousness than your friend.
Best of luck to you.