Does anyone ever have no money at all?

600 over your income is just too much. You are right you can't go on like that.

As hard as it is to face you are going to have to write everything down
Can you switch suppliers for energy
Change bank to get the reward.
Can you put your mortgage on interest only so more is freed up each month to clear the debts.

Solidarity though. It's really hard.

I am just keeping my head above water myself. Just about.

X

Are you and your partner paying fairly for your proportional share of mortgage & all household bills / child expenses (if appropriate)?

You need to cancel all the non-essentials immediately - that money can go on debt repayment. And use the snowball method to address your debts. And one month at a time, stop the unnecessary spending - each time you choose not to buy something eg: from Amazon, immediately pay that off the highest interest debt.

Yes, sometimes. I've never had a credit card though. Always felt if I did I would just get further and further into debt and never be forced to come up with a sustainable plan for living on the small income I have. I think sometimes they do just allow you to kick the can down the road rather than face up to the fact that you might have to make some radical choices (mine was to move quite a long way to a cheaper part of the country).

If you and your former partner aren't together, what's the plan long term? Have you crunched the numbers on what you'd each have if you sold up and got separate places? Would you maybe be eligible for council housing or housing association? Factor in that he would then have to pay child support, and then how would it work? It must seem daunting, but if you're going to split properly, it might be better to do it sooner rather than later, and then you'll have more of your working life left for financial recovery. This is all stuff where Citizens' Advice might be very helpful.

Mumsnet does skew richer than average. It's my least favourite thing about it - the constant implications that anyone on less than 50k just needs to make more effort, incredulity that people do actually raise families on the average wage or less, lack of understanding of what the average actually is. Sometimes you just have to leave a thread.

The charity donations are not the cause of her hardship. If she wants to stop them, fine. But it's not going to be the make or break.

OP, your relationship seems complex and perhaps fragile. But really the answer to how lots of other people do it, is that they are a proper partnership and do it together. Costs are shared fairly - which might not mean equally - and each partner should have a similar standard of living

Does your partner have spending money after paying the mortgage or is he at zero pence as well?

I can see £32 per month going to charities - Oxfam and the Wildlife Trust. I would stop that for now, I am afraid, it's not much but even a small amount will feel better in your pocket - better to be halfway through the month and have £30 than halfway through the month with zero.

Solidarity, OP. I completely get it. I earn around the same as you, but am on my own with DS and rent to pay (no UC). So £900 goes straight out in rent and then the rest just gets eaten up with bills and credit cards. I don’t have a car, never go on holidays, and my friends have stopped inviting me out with them now because they’re sick of always getting the same response. I am also totally shit with money which doesn’t help and always end the month with absolutely nothing left. I can’t remember the last time I opened a letter, they’re all just in a pile. What’s the point? Life is just work and sleep. And my job is similar to yours, too! People who are comfortable financially have no idea how good they have it.

It’s still worth going. They advise on more than benefits. They look at the whole picture. You don’t know what you don’t know. They do.

@Thiscantgoonlikethis 35k a year the way we are now is not great tbh
is there no way you can look into moving jobs (same job different employer )?

Aye that's the cause of all her hardship

£22 to Oxfam and Wildlife Trust?

I’d be cancelling the charity dd until I was out of debt , can start when on your feet again, I did notice you spent a lot on food shopping , try and go once a week instead of getting top up shops,
looks like a lot of your money is going there? Also instead of treating kids out for ice cream buy a tub of ice cream for a fraction of the price . These wee habits all add up . I used to be like you op but am now super frugal . I’m now a bank nurse due to my mental health and I have to watch the pennies as I’m on a zero hour contract

I agree with this. I'm not going to give you advice OP as you specifically say you don't want it. But you need to make changes if you want a more comfortable life. Keeping going as you are now might feel like the easy option but there's nothing easy about having no money.

I know its not much but ditch the oxfam and wildlife trust donations! You cant afford to be charitable right now.

As you say your problem is the debt payments. How much do you owe in debt total?

Yes. All my bills are paid and there’s food in the cupboards but I have 2.50 right now in the bank. And that’s left over from the fiver my DP sent me for pop yesterday. 🤣 I also owe a bit in debt. I just asked for a consolidation loan so we’ll see what happens.

Op move this thread to money board to cost of living they’re will be really good advice there and tips how to make money last

Yes , I never have any money and am on a decent wage . But I also have a huge mortgage and 3 young adult children who still cost me a lot when they’re here for long holidays etc . 1 lives at home .
Food is the biggest expense but I just don’t know how to eat more cheaply . Don’t drink or smoke or go on holiday or go out much. . And like the poster upthread. -I’m constantly thinking I won’t go somewhere because of fuel . My daughter and I share an economic 10 year old car .
Where else do you cut back ?
So yes I empathise

Me & my husband are like chalk and cheese with money
I grew up with hardly any. Was never given pocket money, bus fare or dinner money so I am used to not having anything. My mum was a single parent with 4 of us to raise and my dad left when I was 6 didn't see him again till I was 17.

He grew up in a two parent family who both worked & money was always available. He spends his wages like they're winnings. Doesn't know how to go without as he never had to. If he wants something he has to have it as he was an only child and got whatever he wanted. We pay 50/50 on all bills but once his money is gone, he knows not to come to me.
He will annoyingly sit there showing me trainers, gold chains etc hinting he wants them and I just tell him he should've saved up. He hates it. He has never grew out of the child that got whatever he asked for even well into to his 40s.

I have been in your position and it’s a lonely place particularly when you have children to support. I was too proud to ask for help and because I didn’t want to reveal
my level of debt when partner and I bought a house I didn’t go on the mortgage . I paid all the other bills . When we separated it came back to bite me as he argued the house was solely his . I can stop any sale but I suspect he will be there until he dies ! I managed to get the credit cards to freeze the interest so I could pay them off . My mum had never had much money so I was able to make meals from very little . I remember the relief of finding a local shop that sold individual toilet rolls when I couldn’t afford a packet . It’s the unexpected expenses that catch you out .I have a decent income now as I took a second job and I am very proud that I have almost paid everything off . Hang in there x

Just checked my accounts. Self employed and variable income. 13 pence 'spare' lol. Sums it up.

You said before that you're "not together". So - you split up, he moved out but continued paying the mortgage. Now he's moved back in but without restarting your relationship. Is that right?

You have to weigh up. Are you going to need a Mortgage in six years time and are you gonna be able to pay that debt off in six years or would you be better off putting the money towards saving up a bigger deposit rather than paying off the credit card?
Everything reset after six years so you’re not going to be locked out of buying a house forever
But if you look at £20,000 worth of Debt after six years that’s nearly £30,000 in compounded interest
Would you not be better off having the 50 K in cash as a deposit? Specially given the hundred percent Mortgage you don’t exist so you’re gonna need another 50 K to put down as well.

Yes, I have times when I have had no money. The worst was when the DWP stopped my employment support allowance without warning, swapped me to universal credit and I had to wait the five weeks before a payment. I was literally down to deciding between buying milk or buying bread, and I was too embarrassed to ask any family to help.

Even though it was a temporary situation for me I absolutely understand how you feel. It makes you feel isolated and sort of "on the fringes" of normal society. I still feel that way some of the time, as I'm like you, I can't afford to do anything that isn't basic living expenses without costing out if I can afford it. And don't mean things like a holiday, I mean REALLY basic, normal activities. A friend wants to meet up for coffee and cake and a natter. Can I afford the coffee & cake this week, because I also have xxx next week to think about? That type of thing.

One of my siblings is having a get together for their special birthday soon. They live 4 hours drive away and lots of friends and family are going and staying overnight in nearby hotels etc because it's a big birthday, we all live in different parts of the uk and we don't get the chance to be all together often. But not only can I not afford even a Travelodge, I have to think about the cost of the petrol. Can I even afford to buy more petrol this month to get there and back? That sort of thing. It becomes so mentally tiring having to cost out every single part of your life to the penny.