Does anyone ever have no money at all?

So many debt payments on your list of outgoings; how much do you owe? I think you can change, but first you need to know where you are.

I understand that, I really do. But then you need to plan "against yourself for yourself". That might mean getting help from someone who can control your finances.

But the major problem is that you want to live like you have got more money than you do. 425£ on a school trip is not a necessity when you're broke. Living in a big house in an expensive area isn't coherent either. But surely you most know that, you're an educated woman, probably a social worker. So something else is going on here and I think it's a job for a therapist even if I got some ideas. I wish you well OP.

I’m assuming you can’t afford a therapist so how about taking it through with ChatGPT to try and figure out what’s going on psychologically.

Obviously there is something going on for you to feel the need to spend beyond your means.

In your previous relationship was your DH in charge of the money?

Do you not feel guilty to your DC that you’re potentially leaving them in debt, not being able to afford things for them, not being a good role model etc

I can sympathise. I am in the same boat for different reasons. Too much month at the end of the money as the joke goes.

Get another debt management plan and also get some help to stay debt free. Can you use a food bank whilst you’re sorting it all out?
are there any free church activities for kids ?
if you work for the NHS can you take on any bank shifts when the dc father has them?

you don’t want advice, you want solidarity but that suggests you’ve accepted this is your life going forward. It doesn’t have to be and you need to think about your dc and how this is impacting them (and obviously the impact on you)

Without some lightbulb moment or shattering crisis that changes your attitude, you will sadly never get out of your situation. And I mean that totally without judgment. I kept sinking for years before I had a moment of clarity which gave me the will to change things.

Mine is in a cash savings account in a different bank that I don’t have a card for. If I needed to I could transfer it out but day to day I just forget it. Would that work?

Put it somewhere hard to access, like only allows 2 free withdrawals.

But you could get out of this downward spiral if you chose.
Why moan if you choose not to address the problem.

Yeah. Usually for about a week a month I'll be down to my last 20 quid then a few days with nothing.
Some people when they say they're broke I don't think they mean literal zero. But I often do sadly!

Too late now but could your daughter's trip not have been paid in installments? Or do you find that harder to budget? My daughter has her residential this year and we have been paying monthly.

I think your issue is you are always on the back foot. Paying off loans and credit cards it's going to be hard for you to get things back on track.

Other than the mortgage does the dad pay for anything else?

But people can’t empathise with you because you are in a situation that is unrelatable.

• Living in a large house that you can’t afford but won’t downsize
• Paying of 00s in credit cards but won’t consolidate
• Donating to charity when you purport to have no money
• Spending £400 on a school trip again when you purport to have no

You aren’t poor - you just spend a lot of money.

Why on earth are you making charity donations when you are servicing a really big debt!!
Also, im surprised for a 425 trip your daughters school did not have an option to pay in instalments?

I’ve been there. Proper skint, like setting an alarm at 3am and walking down to the local nightclub to pick up dropped coins by the taxi rank and hopefully finding enough to buy milk. I would leave the house to use a toilet as no money for loo roll. I had a lot of debt and it was crushing. The only way out is through. Any tiny amount scrimped and thrown at your debt, no matter how tiny, will eventually get you out. But it’s a long and wearying journey and if your head and heart aren’t in it, you will continue to sink. Finding a tribe of equally skint friends saved me - first online and then irl.

If it wasn't for debt repayments you would be doing well and have lots of disposable income.

How long will the debts repayments last for? On e those are gone you will need emergency savings as a buffer to stop you getting into debt.

I think you just need to keep going, paying off debt, sell stuff you don't uelsr to go straight to repayments and you will have a decent life.

Dave Ramsey method saved me. I know you’ve said you’ve paid off your debt several times, that is great so you know it’s possible. What you haven’t then done is the next step which is build savings so you don’t need to use a credit card. Dave Ramsey method recommends save £1k emergency fund first of all, then pay off debt (starting with smallest), then save 3 months expenses. I’m now 2/3 way through my debt but will take me 3 more years to have the 3 months expenses saved. It is worth it though. Just knowing that emergency 1k is there makes me feel so much better.

OP i have been in your shoes, many years ago, and i learned the hard way that my problem was impulsivity. I was that person who bought extra stuff all the time because i just gave in to temptation constantly. Only small stuff but I'd buy a throw cushion while at the supermarket, because i liked it, id just treat myself to things like coffees out and about really quite regularly, just without thinking. I'd buy some lovely new stationery, on a whim. Small things but it all added up

I think i thought i ought to be able to afford that sort of carefree spending because i worked full time etc but i simply didn't recognise that actually that sort of attitude to spending is really quite a luxury and something only those on salaries quite a bit higher than the average, can afford.

I was constantly having to go to a particular cashpoint at the end of the month because it dispensed fivers not tenners - because i only had like 7 quid left in my account so couldn't withdraw 10 quid.

Constantly in my overdraft, constantly not managing to pay my credit card, getting late payment fees etc.
It took years of hard work but i had to train myself to defer buying stuff - id tell myself id think about it for a couple of days and if i still wanted that cushion or whatever, id come back for it. Needless to say id often not go back as id realise by the time id been out of the shop 15 mins that i really didnt need it in reality and didnt even want it that much once that impulse to buy had passed!

I think i also had to train myself out if the mindset too that it was 'miserable' and 'unfair' not being able to afford a glam instagram lifestyle of lovely home decor and bits and bobs and new clothes all the time - the reality is that lifestyle isn't actually normal, the norm is for ordinary families to be carefully budgeting and living quite simply with very occasional treats, even with two working adults. Life is expensive especially with children

please don’t steal or try and defraud your cc provider. It will only make matters much worse. Is there nothing you could sell or pawn to get you through to payday? Once your pay does come through, please make an appointment with a debt adviser at Citizens Advice. They will help you budget and avoid this terrible anxiety halfway through each month.

35k isn’t a good wage anymore - it’s hard to cover expenses and live decently on that especially with 2 kids

My mums like this and was when we were growing up.

I always have money somewhere now and can always access what I need. dont get me wrong I am not buying expensive things at the end of the month, but I always have “walking around money” no matter what.

So give time rather than money.

Yup me, single income household and universal credit and I am often completely out of cash a couple of weeks into the month.

I put some money on supermarket evouchers and add them to my phone wallet to help budget so I cant impulse buy as much and this is all I have left now. I get £25 per week child benefit as I save half of it in a credit union scheme for Christmas but dont have unlimited access to it. I dont have enough shopping vouchers left so will likely need to borrow money and then continue to be stuck in that cycle.

Its hard to manage last minute ad hoc expenses throughout the month and its always reactive not proactive so it will be borrowing or scraping something together.

In fairness in my own situation I need to be better at budgeting