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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to be upset about having to pick a front door I don't like?

131 replies

Delara · 11/07/2026 07:45

I got the keys to a new house in May, and my partner moved in last week. I'd been trying for over a month to get a new front door, having had around 5 fitters come to measure and then say they couldn't source a door that narrow.

My partner then moved in and pushed for me to get a new front door ASAP as he had accidentally let the cats out (we currently have a recessed door and need an airlock).

I ended up buying the only style of door I could find that could be produced so narrow, and it's a cotta,ge style front door that will be put on my Edwardian house. It's not been fitted yet but is in production so too late to change. I really wanted a traditional style door.

AIBU to be feeling resentful of the rush and having to compromise on the front door? I lived in a house with three years without an airlock and learned how to not let the cats out. We are both obviously stressed for the cats' safety, and I was planning to buy a door anyway for my partner's sake, but I am feeling resentful that this has pushed me into buying a door that doesn't suit the house.

Pic attached of what it will look like when fitted

I think I am being unreasonable and it's not my partner's fault the fitters couldn't find a door. But I'm struggling with the compromise.

AIBU to be upset about having to pick a front door I don't like?
OP posts:
Original poster
Delara · 11/07/2026 08:51

Notquitethetruth · 11/07/2026 08:45

I think it looks lovely. The colour is great although the glasss decoration is a bit OTT for me. Your partner only pushed you due to the cats getting out. I wouldn't be over reacting to that. I'm sure you'd much prefer your cats were secure than panicking every time you open your door.
Everything in perspective @Delara As long as you are happy in your relationship, that's what matters. Good luck.

Thank you, I do want my cats to be secure. I do think I will have a conversation with him about this to explore how I am feeling and how we can work together to prevent this spreading to other areas of our relationship when living together. There's definitely some personal work I need to do too. It is my first time moving in with someone and I am very pleased our relationship has got to this point, but I need to be less afraid of potential conflict.

OP posts:
TheThirteenthFairy · 11/07/2026 08:50

Your next door neighbour appears to have managed to find a suitable door.

Notquitethetruth · 11/07/2026 08:45

I think it looks lovely. The colour is great although the glasss decoration is a bit OTT for me. Your partner only pushed you due to the cats getting out. I wouldn't be over reacting to that. I'm sure you'd much prefer your cats were secure than panicking every time you open your door.
Everything in perspective @Delara As long as you are happy in your relationship, that's what matters. Good luck.

Original poster
Delara · 11/07/2026 08:42

lottiegarbanzo · 11/07/2026 08:36

YABU to jump at his command rather than stand up for yourself. This is not about a door, it’s about your relationship.

You need to learn to advocate for yourself, calmly, firmly, effectively, now. Seriously, do a course, talk to friends about why you’re such a pushover and how to resist that tendency. Practice.

Your bf is not your boss. He has moved into your house. It is absolutely fine and normal to expect him to learn new habits, adjust his behaviour to your and your household’s needs.

Thank you, I think I am being overly accommodating and need to make sure this doesn't spill over into the rest of living together. He wasn't being demanding and knew I was planning on a front door anyway, but I definitely could have said no, we can take more time and figure out a system to keep the cats in – which we have done in the meantime, even if it takes a lot of coordination and keeping the cats in smaller spaces at times.

OP posts:
LandingLights · 11/07/2026 08:41

Delara · 11/07/2026 08:37

I am happy for him to have moved in, and he is going to be paying me a good contribution towards mortgage and bills – more money than I would get from a lodger. He has also paid half towards some new furniture we need. This is the first time I've moved in with a partner though so perhaps as someone has pointed out maybe this isn't about the door. It might be about me being too compromising. I had already planned for us to get a new door in the new future, so it wasn't as if he was demanding one, I think he just wanted to push it along and I wasn't clear enough about wanting more time to find one

Show quote history

So stop being so yielding? Your house, your cats, your door, your decision.

PumpingRSI · 11/07/2026 08:39

Go down to a reclamation yard with measurements, know how much you can shave off the sides. Take it home and get joiner to fit the week after. Sorted. Style, in keeping, saved about £1.5k.

Original poster
Delara · 11/07/2026 08:37

Imbusytodaysorry · 11/07/2026 08:33

@Delara I love the colour but it classes with the colour of brick . l
Like you say you can paint it though.
Can I ask are you sure about the boyfriend moving in so soon ? Will he /is he paying his way at all ?

I am happy for him to have moved in, and he is going to be paying me a good contribution towards mortgage and bills – more money than I would get from a lodger. He has also paid half towards some new furniture we need. This is the first time I've moved in with a partner though so perhaps as someone has pointed out maybe this isn't about the door. It might be about me being too compromising. I had already planned for us to get a new door in the new future, so it wasn't as if he was demanding one, I think he just wanted to push it along and I wasn't clear enough about wanting more time to find one

OP posts:
Shodan · 11/07/2026 08:36

The door is fine, although you can paint it if you don't like the colour (I have to say it wouldn't be my first choice of colour and would be looking at painting it.)

What is not fine is your boyfriend moving in and dictating the timeline that you spend your money on things. If he was that eager to get it done, he could have contributed to the cost, or better yet, been more careful with the cats until you'd chosen how your £2k was to be spent.

lottiegarbanzo · 11/07/2026 08:36

YABU to jump at his command rather than stand up for yourself. This is not about a door, it’s about your relationship.

You need to learn to advocate for yourself, calmly, firmly, effectively, now. Seriously, do a course, talk to friends about why you’re such a pushover and how to resist that tendency. Practice.

Your bf is not your boss. He has moved into your house. It is absolutely fine and normal to expect him to learn new habits, adjust his behaviour to your and your household’s needs.

LandingLights · 11/07/2026 08:34

What @60degreecycle said.

Imbusytodaysorry · 11/07/2026 08:33

@Delara I love the colour but it classes with the colour of brick . l
Like you say you can paint it though.
Can I ask are you sure about the boyfriend moving in so soon ? Will he /is he paying his way at all ?

RumJerrySailorRum · 11/07/2026 08:31

They are known as bastard doors.

You needed one making by a joiner.

However, it really doesn't look as horrific as you think.

fishonabicycle · 11/07/2026 08:30

£2k is pretty standard to buy a front door and get it fitted. When ours was done I was surprised!

60degreecycle · 11/07/2026 08:30

Delara · 11/07/2026 08:27

It does benefit both of us as we will be able to properly open the door for deliveries or to have a chat with whoever is knocking without first securing the cats in a room. We could also leave the second door unlocked for deliveries, and it would take some weight off my mind to know I won't be opening my door to the cats right at the door.

However it is my house and I am paying for all of it, when if I were on my own I would probably have taken my time and even found a reclaimed door. I think if he were paying part of it I would feel better about it but we have only been together a year and a couple of months.

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I don't think this is necessarily about the door. I think this is about him moving into your house after a year of knowing him, and you feeling pushed out of shape by him and his requirements, while footing the bill yourself.

I think that sounds perfectly reasonable, beware OP.

Original poster
Delara · 11/07/2026 08:30

Whoops75 · 11/07/2026 08:17

The door is fine the colour and glass are very busy.

Edited

There were quite limited colour options so I am hoping I will be able to paint if I find it too much!

OP posts:
Original poster
Delara · 11/07/2026 08:29

PermanentTemporary · 11/07/2026 08:22

I see what you mean. I’m perhaps distracted by the one next door looking much worse imo (apologies to them). I agree it’s quite hard to spend such a huge amount on something you don’t like!

I hope you will like it more once it’s in but possibly getting the glass changed for something more personal would be a nice project?

Thank you, I am a bit worried as everyone else on my street has traditional doors. God knows where they got them from, I did get a recommendation from a neighbor but even he said my doorway was too narrow!

I hope I do like it more once it's in

OP posts:
Original poster
Delara · 11/07/2026 08:28

ReplacementBusDriver · 11/07/2026 08:27

You're spending 2k on a front door? Why didn't you get a carpenter to do one bespoke for that kind of money??

Well, front door and frame and top box. The door itself wouldn't have been as much. And I did get someone over looking at wood but they quoted 3-4k plus for a custom door!!

OP posts:
Original poster
Delara · 11/07/2026 08:27

RVectensian · 11/07/2026 08:23

Unfortunate double post

Edited

It does benefit both of us as we will be able to properly open the door for deliveries or to have a chat with whoever is knocking without first securing the cats in a room. We could also leave the second door unlocked for deliveries, and it would take some weight off my mind to know I won't be opening my door to the cats right at the door.

However it is my house and I am paying for all of it, when if I were on my own I would probably have taken my time and even found a reclaimed door. I think if he were paying part of it I would feel better about it but we have only been together a year and a couple of months.

OP posts:
ReplacementBusDriver · 11/07/2026 08:27

You're spending 2k on a front door? Why didn't you get a carpenter to do one bespoke for that kind of money??

RVectensian · 11/07/2026 08:24

It isn't clear to me why you needed a new front door, and why your partner gets so much say when it isn't their house? Are they paying any of it?

But fwiw, I like the new door, it looks nice.

RVectensian · 11/07/2026 08:23

Unfortunate double post

PermanentTemporary · 11/07/2026 08:22

I see what you mean. I’m perhaps distracted by the one next door looking much worse imo (apologies to them). I agree it’s quite hard to spend such a huge amount on something you don’t like!

I hope you will like it more once it’s in but possibly getting the glass changed for something more personal would be a nice project?

EverMissWicklowSometimes · 11/07/2026 08:19

I wouldn't be happy either. Front doors are very important. I wouldn't get it fitted but would sell it on locally to someone less fussy with a similarly narrow doorway. Then I would take my time and buy a door I actually liked.

ByRoseBiscuit · 11/07/2026 08:18

Delara · 11/07/2026 08:15

Thank you, that's probably true. I guess I'm struggling with it not feeling right as I'm spending 2k on it, and that's the most I've ever spent on any house thing!

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When we had to get a new front door for our first house I was surprised at how expensive they were, and miffed that we had to spend so much on something so boring!! I think once it’s in you will probably feel better about it

Whoops75 · 11/07/2026 08:17

The door is fine the colour and glass are very busy.