AIBU to feel hurt my cousin hid booking her long hoped for trip?

Don't worry. She has a lot on and you being upset, she does not need.
Be kind.
Next time you see her face to face tell her you were so excited to hear from her mother of the holiday plans.

Wish her the very best.

Give her a hug.

Don't over think things with close relatives. They are allowed privacy but always love you.

Personally I see the problem is not about the trip, its the fact that things are going good for her now and she doesn't need you like she used to. She's got all the info she needed from you about the trip, she's obviously doing better financially as she can afford this big trip and she's just not speaking to you as she doesn't need anything right now. But she'll be in touch when she's next in need.

If I was you I'd message saying your mum mentioned you booked the trip, congratulations you'll love it and leave the ball in her court.

Why do you care so much? This is abit pathetic tbh she doesn't have to tell you anything.

This is such a weird thing to be upset about. I could understand your point a little more if it was something like pregnancy or she’s getting married, but a holiday? She’s probably just busy and doesn’t feel the need to update you on every little thing that happens in her life.

Being there for someone when they need emotional support is a choice, and it’s what you do when you love and care about someone, but it doesn’t mean you’re entitled to a running commentary on everything that she does.

Does she owe you money?

Bluntly, OP, if you don’t want to be just the shoulder to cry on, stop acting like the shoulder to cry on. You are contributing to this dynamic.

Sorry- voted yabu. You should have put this in your op: she leans on me when in need but ignores me when everything is fine. That's really shitty- yanbu.

Have you helped her financially at all? She may be embarrassed about spending money on a trip if she has been given/loaned money by you.

Gosh the drama, wouldn’t it be more normal to say oh your mum said you’re off on your hols, that’s fab are you excited, can’t wait to hear all about it.

I didn't understand what the problem was in your OP but this maybe makes more sense.
Is she always leaning on you during bad times but not sharing the good times?
I've recently been through similar and it was emotionally draining, but I did it because I care. Friend is now in a happier place, I don't hear from her as much but she is off having fun with other people. It feels a bit of a kick in the teeth and like being used as someone's therapist rather than a friend who gets to share the good and the bad.

“My cousin has had a lot going on in her life- marriage problems, financial problems etc and i have always helped her and been there for her. She relies on me more emotionally than I do on her.
A few months ago she started talking to me about a trip that shes been wanting to go on her whole life. Ive been on this trip twice before and so she asked me lots of questions and I gave her advice.”

OP reading between the lines it’s possible that - whatever your good intentions - she feels a little condescended to, or at least that the dynamic between you is always you the saviour and her the one in the sh!t. It could be that now she’s in a better place and able to book this longed-for trip (that you’ve pointed out you’ve been on not once but twice already) she wants a bit of space to savour the idea of it all by herself.

I know you feel you’ve been there for her through thick and thin, but that can place us in an unwelcome, ongoing dynamic long after the period of trouble has passed - “big sister / little sister”. It was kind and supportive of you, but it can place the junior partner in that relationship in a horrible, somewhat demeaning position.

Perhaps your cousin now wants to be friends on a more even footing, and this is her way of trying to find a new balance between you? It’s definitely NOT something to fall out over.

I don’t really know why you feel she has to tell you about it but I also don’t know why you haven’t just messaged her along the lines of you’ve just seen her mum who told you the trip was booked, you’re pleased for her etc.

Why are you now also not going to mention it like it’s some kind of weird test of your relationship? She just might not want to discuss it with you and that’s absolutely fine.

this.

Do you think she is worried you were expecting to go to? If you have offered lots of advice maybe she felt you wanted to join them on the trip.

I can see why it feels a bit odd not to have mentioned it.
People react and feel in different ways and you say she’s avoided you about things before. So there’s a pattern and what she does. There could be lots of different reasons; she struggles when something goes well, fear it won’t work out, liking some control, you may have said something and she’s reacting to it. You’ve accepted it before so that’s all you need to do in this case. Just accept that this is what she does for whatever reason.
I like what a previous poster said. Just let her know you know in a lovely way and wish her a nice holiday.

The fact you’ve even jumped to a weird idea you might fall out with her over the fact she’s booked this trip is really odd.

Are you usually so melodramatic? She’s under no obligation to tell you everything, you sound quite overbearing in your expectations, she’s likely just been busy recently, it’s really not a big deal and a more usual response would be next time you see her to just say ‘oh your mum said you booked the trip, how exciting’

But, without any underlying reason of trying to ‘catch her out’, it’s just a normal thing to have a conversation about!

Ok in case anyone gets upset I am going on holiday...why is this even a thing. Do you tell each other when you book everything hairdressers, smear test, table for dinner?

Christ this is so childish

We were absolutely broke after covid but took out a small loan to take the kids to disneyland Paris. I know in paper it was a terrible financial decision but actually, for my own deteriorating mental health I needed to be able to do something for my children. I had zero regrets about it and it was the best thing I did, but did feel embarrassed suddenly telling my (always very supportive BTW) mam about it because I'd been upset on her shoulder numerous times about financial problems in the build up to it! Could it be something similar to that maybe?

I agree. I can’t envision a scenario where I talk extensively with someone about a trip I’m planning and then, when I actually book it, stop communicating with them completely.

Although I certainly don’t feel as though I owe anyone information on the things I’m doing, it’s the complete change of behaviour that doesn’t make sense to me.

Are you upset because you feel as though she uses you when she’s unhappy and drops you as soon as things pick up again? So it’s not necessarily about the trip booking itself, but the fact that now she has something good going on, she’s no longer interested in her friendship with you.

Just mention that you have heard it is all booked and you are excited for her. Then she has no need to hide it anymore .

Im puzzled by some of the responses. She is playing some weird game with her strange behaviour.

Why the avoidance and lack of communication? She wants a close relationship with you when she has problems or having a tough time but not when she has good news. I don't think she is as close to you as you think. She likes what she perceives as some kind of power hold over you.
Tell her you know about the trip and ask her why she hasn't told you. It's clear from your responses you are very happy for her. Tell her that and move on, no long conversation.

I cant understand why you’re so certain its the trip that means you’re speaking less?!? Why not try asking her if all’s ok?

I think she was either worried after your advice that you were hinting that you wanted to go with her and so she's holding off mentioning it, or she hasn't taken some advice you'd given her about the trip and is worried you'll be offended

But why would she want to hide it from you? I don’t get it 🤷‍♀️