My partner and I have different expectations around sleep

He says you are childish while he’s got the sleep pattern of a 15 year old? It’s him who needs to grow up, not you!

I’m up at 5.30 everyday because that’s when I have to get up for work so I just continue it at the weekend so I’m not disrupting my schedule. It means I’m in bed for 10 sometimes 9 if I want to read longer. My DH has never moaned about this. I would be livid if he called me pathetic.

Is it just women you patronise like this or men too?

OP, to reassure you, your routine is the norm for many people. Where I work, a lot of people are up at 5.30/6.00 to be able to go to the gym / a yoga class / spin class.

Sadly I’m not one of them yet but it’s very disturbing to see people criticise such a healthy routine.

To quote a cliche, ‘early to bed, early to rise, makes a person healthy, wealthy and wise’.

It is the end of the week , so you really should have been in bed and asleep instead of posting on MN in the early hours .

I agree with all those who are saying it's his attitude that's the problem, not the sleep differences. After all, you aren't calling him a lazy arse and waking him up when you get up, are you? Because you are a ormal person and not an abuser.

I'll tell you how this progressed in the abusive relationship I was in. By the end, at the weekend, I was having to lie in until 2pm while he slept off his hangover. He would kick me if I moved about, or if he caught me reading a book or listening to the radio on headphones. It was torture.

At seven months in, this is the best he will behave in this relationship and he's calling you names - and his behaviour will only get worse, not better. He is showing you that this is the very best he can do - is it really good enough?

I’m naturally a night owl, my husband is an early riser. I think it’s easier to get up early than stay up late, so I switched to match him. Was useful with kids and I’ve stayed in that pattern. I now get up earlier than him, 5.30am. I did it because I love spending time with him. He tried to match me, but struggled.

It wasn’t hard.

He’s not your partner. You can do better.

This. The way he's talking to you is not ok. I’d be reconsidering my relationship with him tbh. Not over the timings (my DH and I are the same -minus the gym) but the way he speaks to you.

Controlling verging on the abusive, trying to make you stay up too late.

I used to be up at 5 when I had horses on different yards, working full time, I’d fall asleep in front of the Tv by 9. Pretty standard. Now, I can’t go past about 10. My DH just sends me off to bed, there’s no name calling because he’s not controlling or abusive.

If you have children with this man, I can see that you will be the one doing all the childcare as he will not compromise. Your routine is a bit early for most people but not that unusual - I am up at 6 every day as my dc also woke early and so I got used to it & it has become my routine. But staying up to 2/3 every night and waking at 8.30 - he would be the one that needs to change most post children, not you. Have you any thoughts on a future with him?

No wonder you're exhausted by Friday getting up at that ridiculous hour. However, you're not the only one. So I agree your body clocks just aren't compatible. Rr

I’m usually in bed reading by 10 and asleep by 10.30. I need my sleep.
DH usually comes to bed around midnight.

I’d be furious if he ever called me pathetic or boring. If we’ve got plans then I’ll stay up but I’m not staying awake for the sake of it.

My ex used to wake me up early on purpose as he felt having a lie in was a waste of time. It was just one aspect of his controlling personality.

I’m sorry but I don’t think this is really going to work long-term, unless you live apart. The insults as well - unless you are quite young, it’s not really appropriate to call someone childish and pathetic.

Ultimately you have different life priorities. You want to be fit and healthy (gym, proper sleep). Most adults get to a stage where they want to prioritise health and wellbeing sooner or later. ‘Feeling rested’ clearly isn’t a priority for him. Does he have a bad diet also by any chance?

Essentially, if I had a crystal ball 🔮, I can see that if you stayed with him, trying to live together, you’d soon feel tired, your immune system would drop, you’d gain weight due to lack of sleep and exercise, and age as well due to a lack of a good, healthy routine.

Is that really what you want for your future?

His sleep pattern is fine for him, but his attitude isn’t.
i am the same as you, I’m up very early, dogs walked, horses sorted and home by 7.30 am. Every day, even weekends, I don’t enjoy a lie in.
my dh will be in bed till 9 ish.
all good.
it’s not your different sleep patterns that are the problem, it’s his terrible attitude towards you.
put the whole man in the bin.

He doesn't have the right to tell you when you're not tired, and should not be making you feel bad for how your body clock works. His nasty comments make him sound like he's shaming you to do what he sees as his normal, I'd be gone, he's trying to control you. He's had 7 months, I'd end it there.

You've only been together 7 months and he calls you names if you don't fall in line? On top of that through belittling your routine (which works for you and sounds healthy) he's trying to get you to act in what he percieves as the right way ie his way. Do you really want a life of this? Forget all this 'incompatible' labelling, he's just not nice.

It's not about your sleep patterns. DH and I have different sleep patterns. I need sleep way before him. He stays up watching films while I sleep. It's a non issue.

The problem is that a man is calling you names. Trying to change your lifestyle. That spending time with him is affecting your health because you are LETTING him tell you when you can go to bed. And a man thinks he has the right to tell you when you may sleep.

How does this work in the future. For him, you give up the gym, get up when he does, go to sleep when he does, do what he wants to do. Don't choose that for yourself.

This will only get worse. Bin him off.

Why is everyone talking about “syncing” your sleep schedules? What’s this obsession with getting up and going to bed at the same time.

This

Me and DH have different sleep schedules. He’s a night owl, whereas I get up early. But everyone is different, no one is right or wrong and it absolutely doesn’t matter. What is a red flag is the way he’s talking to you. Calling you pathetic is horrible. You’re only 7 months into this relationship, this is meant to be the best time!! I’d walk away, if he’s been horrible now, what’s he going to be like in the future.

Incompatible. Don’t waste any more time and find a better fit. Unless one of you can adapt. I was the night owl and now I’m more synced to my husband’s work schedule. You could gym after work or he could start gymming in the AM. But if neither wants to change to sync up, just go find someone you sync better with. In my 40s now and not finding “the one” until late 30s, I’m a big proponent of not wasting time if it’s just not working. Especially for young women because you end up throwing away your fertility window. Late 30s comes quickly and then you realize you may have missed out on having kids because you spent your fertile years wasted on some guy who wasn’t right and all the signs were there but you stayed anyway. Don’t waste time with a mismatch.

Your evenings aren't free, though, are they, if you are too tired to do anything other than go to bed early.

As pp have said your sleep patterns are not compatible. This shouldn't be an issue if you both make quality time for each other at other times. He is being completely unreasonable trying to get you to change and calling you names for not doing so. Why do you think you're putting up with this and trying to work out if you're unreasonable instead of telling him to fuck off