My partner and I have different expectations around sleep

I think that's what the biscuit 🍪 is for 😅

The problem isn't an incompatibility of schedules. The problem is the disrespectful way he speaks to you.

Exactly!!

Remember you don't owe him anything, @tiredoldthing. He's been unpleasant, at the very least. State your incompatibility and don't be drawn further. If he gets verbally abusive (hopefully not) get up and walk. Good luck.

Who made your partner the arbiter of what is normal and what is 'pathetic'? I wouldn't be adjusting my sleep schedule for a man who was so rude and dismissive of my feelings.

That's what I said.
And it's clear neither of you are prepared to change your lifestyles so you aren't compatible and it's better to move on and find people who are a better match for both of you

It's never fun, but a simple 'it's not working for me'. Will do the job. It's only been a few months & you don't live together. Do it today and get it out of your head.!! Plan a lovely early night & something nice for tomorrow💕

Clear as mud 🤣

Clearly incompatible and this relationship is totally unsustainable. Please do yourself a favour and end this. As above, grown men should not need to play video games until 2 in the morning many days per week (or ever).

@tiredoldthing

oh right sorry - missed that bit. Hope the conversation goes as well as it can do

I'd need to be in bed at 9.15 and asleep by 9.40 with your schedule.

What grown man plays video games in bed?I'd have dumped him for that alone.

This OP. He’s just another selfish man. LTB and do whatever the hell you like!

Yeah of course that’s what meant

You are not wrong, and you are not childish.

If you haven’t read it, I recommend this book, Why We Sleep by Matthew Walker.
https://www.amazon.co.uk/NEW-Why-We-Sleep-Unlocking-Dreams/dp/B09NMBMYXZ
Matthew Walker is a British author, scientist and professor of neuroscience and psychology at the University of California, Berkeley. As an academic, Walker has focused on the impact of sleep on human health. He has contributed to many scientific research studies. Why We Sleep is his first work of popular science.
(from wikepedia)

One interesting thing I remember from the book is that someone who drives on too little sleep is effectively the equivalent of a drunk driver.

What do you want OP to say? She's said she's ending it.

And he isn't what?

The problem is not your different sleep / lifestyle patterns but the fact that he isn’t willing to compromise AND is downright nasty to you about your different routine / preferences. Better to have found this out now rather than later.

My boyfriend is an early bird, I’m a night owl (who can do early mornings when I have to but I bloody hate it) but we compromise. For example, I’ve just been staying with him for the past week. He gets up early (6am or earlier) and works but then brings me a coffee in bed around 8-9am. We might have a cuddle then (depending how busy he is) and/or I may just laze around in bed a bit. I’m usually in bed much much later than him but some evenings he stays up late with me (and may then get up later the next morning) or some evenings I go to bed early with him (and may also get up early with him). We mix and match and there’s zero stress. Because we care about each other and aren’t arseholes. Unfortunately I think your boyfriend is an arsehole!

Neither of you are wrong - but for him to call you ‘pathetic’ is very childish and would seriously give me the ick. You get up early to exercise and look after yourself and you’re not doing anything wrong.

He's a boyfriend not a partner

And he needs dumping

But he's judging you! You both have equally valid sleeping routines; they are just not the same. I wouldn't want to live with someone this judgemental - it will only get worse.

People are silly for being different?

Glad to see you are ending it. Different sleep schedules can work, if both parties respect each other, but you can't get past him calling you names and shaming you, just for being different to him. Set him loose and find someone who respects and values you as you are.

11pm on a school night is late for me! I’m always in bed and asleep by 10:15! I get up later than you too.

Either way your partner is being really mean. My DH is a night owl and always has been. Bed by midnight on weekdays but often 1, 2 or 3 in the morning on weekends.

I often fall asleep on the sofa when we try and stay up, or want to call it early. He has never called me boring, he calls me cute and sleepy and encourages me to go to bed.

Not patronising anyone , pretty obvious I'm just wondering why they're online at this time while saying they're exhausted and could cry about sleeping , and normally go to bed much earlier.

I would make the comment , be it a man or a woman , what a strange thing to say