My partner and I have different expectations around sleep

I'm an early bird and dh is a night owl. I am always in bed before him and up before him.
It worked great when dc were babies, he was happy to stay up and do the last feed at midnight and I started with the morning feed at 3am which meant we were both well rested.
Having such different sleep patterns can work, but you both need to respect the differing needs, which it sounds like your partner does not.

I love it that you are vindicated in one small sentence
🤣
Well done @tiredoldthing

Why do you go to the gym 5 days a wk?

He's thick, 5.40 am means you need to be in bed about 9pm, ask him if he wants you to give up gym or die before your time through chronic sleep deprivation?

Just ask him if he wants you to give up gym, if he does, tell him yo eff off

You aren’t compatible. I’m a night owl with no off switch. I once dated a guy who would be asleep behind the sofa at social events but full of beans at 6am. 🤷‍♀️

I think I’ve read that genetically people can be a “lark” or an “owl”. It doesn’t make you pathetic to be one or the other - it’s genetics. It doesn’t HAVE to make you incompatible, but it will be hard to make it work when you’re on different schedules, and at a point in your relationship where you should be building your connection by spending quality time together. Personally I’d say him not being accepting of your lifestyle is the real issue; ‘pathetic’ is such a horrible word to use on a partner.

Anyway. Sleep is amazing and good for you, and you sound disciplined and are probably healthier for it! He should take a leaf out of your book 😂

@tiredoldthing I don't see anything wrong with your routine. Like you and other posters, I live my life before work as I can control when I start but not when I finish. After 25 years competing horses while working, if I tried to train post work, more often than not I'd have to stay back at work and not get a ride in. I always went to gym early for the same reason.

The only time I can ever sleep past 6am is if I'm really sick. Even post major surgery, I woke up at my normal time and would have day naps. Mornings are the best time. Limited people, brisk and fresh.

If I sleep till 8am the day is so out of whack and I'm ridiculously behind.

@tiredoldthing sorry about your relationship ending.
I’m really surprised that people think your sleep habits are extreme. I understand lots of people don’t like getting up early, but it’s quite normal
where I live for people to get up early to exercise and it sounds like you have quite a healthy balanced lifestyle. What isn’t good for people is staying up to 2/3am!

You are not only incompatible in terms of sleep, which is hard enough if everything else was perfect. But he’s gas lighting you into thinking it’s your fault, when it’s biology, you literally just have different chronotypes. If he’s he’s being selfish and manipulative in the honeymoon stage, imagine what he’d be like later down the line? MASSIVE RED FLAG.

edit: just seen. Lucky escape. He is awful.

You aren't childish to want enough sleep to function well and feel good long term. I have sleep issues myself but it is important to well being. He sounds like a big jerk, I would end things for him calling you childish and pathetic.

Sorry ETA just saw your update. What an ass! Sorry op.

His response shows you’ve definitely had a lucky escape.

I'm sorry, i missed this update.
Well done.
What an arsehole.
A nasty arsehole.
No loss whatsoever.

"If he's not making you happy, chuck him in the bin"

• Harry Styles 2026

Wise words @tiredoldthing

see this as validation you’ve done the right thing

This.
He is not a keeper.
He tells YOU you’re childish to want sleep. Yet stays in bed 3 hours longer every morning? Logic isn’t his strong point is it.

This relationship is already damaging your health - mental & physical.

”My choice good.. Your choice ‘pathetic’”
Red flags all over this one. Seriously.

Calling you pathetic and childish is your kind in the sand (or should be)

He's pathetic and a twat.
You are not compatible.

He is really rude.
Being called a name, pathetic, would be more than enough to dump him.

He's an arsehole.

Gym is critical for the mental health of many people.
Pay him zero intention.

'He doesn't care' and ' I do suspect I'm on the autism spectrum' he's unkind to you and you are making excuses for you being upset?? whole bunch of 🚩

Good evening
I am sorry to hear about the end of your relationship but I believe you have done the right thing and you have done nothing wrong. Waking up early is natural to you and you are looking after yourself
Good luck and I hope you find someone who loves you

You aren’t compatible basically. I’d be annoyed by voluntarily getting up so early myself

DUMP.HIM

I think you have your routine and he has his, both are fine in themselves but to be compatible you would need to find a compromise where both of you are benefitting and compromising, a balance. It seems he is unwilling to do this and is not being very nice about it.
For info - women need more sleep than men.
Personally, I’ve always been an early riser and early to bed by nature - if I go to bed late, I still wake early no matter what. I go to bed at 9 and get up at 6. Having my daughter obviously made all this harder! I can have a late night but I know I’ll be tired!

That's just plain nasty OP - you're well-rid of that guy.