My partner and I have different expectations around sleep

He’s not nice to you. He is not a nice man. That’s all you need to know so there is no point to keeping him around. You deserve a nice life. You deserve a nice man.

Find an Australian. Half the country is up, out and moving before 6 am.

You could stop going to the gym at 0540, that does sound boring to me…

You're a lark, he’s an owl. Incompatible

This ^ 100%

He sounds horrible and really immature.

He’s wrong. She’s a morning person and it’s categorically much more healthy for her to be in bed by midnight. I’m a night person and would happily stay up till 1 or 2 EXCEPT I have a normal life with kids and wouldn’t get enough sleep so I work so hard to get to bed by midnight. It’s a healthy habit.

Is he good at compromising in other areas? Does he watch your choice of movie or TV without complaining, happily listen to your choice of music, let you pick the restaurant? Listen and try to understand your view when you have different opinions on something? Is he reliably kind to you, or often dismissive of your perspective?

He sounds like a complete arsehole.

You've only been together 7 months, you don't live together and he calls you pathetic. Why do you even keep seeing him, just bin him off.

Have you read "Why We Sleep" by Matthew Walker. Genetics pull people toward being night owls or 'larks'. You are a lark, and your h is a night owl. Skim the book, likely available at a library near you for free.

Both your sleep patterns are valid. Your h is wrong to call you pathetic or expect only YOU to adjust to his sleep pattern and preference.

I am up at 5:30am most days OP, and I don’t think it’s that unusual.

I am in bed by 10 most nights, there is no way I would be staying up later just to please someone else.

and if someone callled me pathetic because of it, I would be very 🤔🤔

This!

Why are you making up reasons/excuses for the way you choose to live your life! Do you think he dose? He can be a night owl as much as he wants, you can be a morning person as much as you want, if your not compatible so be it but he has no right to put you down for your way of living.

He sounds very unkind , dismissive and willing to override your preferences to get what he wants. If you had a friend who’s newish boyfriend called her pathetic, overrode her choices and pushed her to do something that made her over tired what would you say to her?

my partner and I have very different sleep needs. I need about 9 hours and am often in bed by 9pm, and he is an insomniac who sleeps about 4 hours most nights and then occasionally crashes out at 5pm 🤷‍♀️ we tuck the other in and don’t call each other names

He's not very nice. Only 7 months in and he's calling you pathetic just because your routine is different from his. Neither sleep pattern is extreme, they're just very different, but he doesn't sound like the sort of person who will acknowledge that your choices are just as valid as his, and be willing to make any compromises. I think I'd be wondering what else he might start insulting me about, if it didn't meet with his approval.

I'd be a bit worried he expects you to be up and around to entertain him on his terms to the detriment of your own health and lifestyle, and calls you pathetic if you don't change to suit his needs. His concern only for himself.

Honestly 11pm to 5.30am wouldn’t be nearly enough sleep for me so on that basis I think your schedule is unreasonable! But definitely not because it isn’t late enough. In your shoes I’d need to go to bed at 10 latest.

11pm-12am is a perfectly normal bedtime so I don't understand the issue.

I think you're mad for choose to get up before 6am everyday, but if it's work for you, who cares. It's not like you're going to bed at 8pm so I really don't see the issue.

He's a dick for insulting you for this.

There are 2 separate issues here.

1. Your sleep patterns are not aligned. This might matter a lot to some people and not at all to others. How much does it matter to you?

1. Much bigger issue is the way you are both dealing with this issue. He is name calling, belittling, and expecting to get his way by demanding your discomfort to accommodate his preferences. You are agreeing that his preferences are more important than your own health and wellbeing. You are bending yourself to his demands. Why?

Would you call him pathetic or lazy for sleeping until 8.30? Why not? How would he respond if you did? Why are there two different standards in this very new relationship?

How do you imagine he will respond the next time you do something that displeases him? And the time after that?

It sounds like you’re just on different schedules, although your partner sounds a bit mean. DP and I are both night owls, rarely in bed before midnight even on work nights. My preference would be waking up about 9am but on work days it’s 6.45. I tend to wake naturally around 8.45, regardless of the day/being on holiday. DP could sleep much later if left to his own devices. (He can also nap which I absolutely can’t.)

I have a friend who is up at 5.30 every day and in bed at 9.30 - I’d hate having not much evening after work, she’d hate wasting the morning. We could never be a couple!

My great grandmother said that too, apparently, about hours before midnight. Funny thing is with me it’s the opposite- I find morning hours much more refreshing, in that I can have the same amount of sleep, but feel much better if I’ve had it at a later time.

However that is just me and clearly the OP is different.

I admit I don’t like going to bed early - it feels like yet another deadline, rather than treat, whereas for me, lie ins are lovely. But we’re all different!

Just no - anyone who said I was pathetic would be in the bin and I’d be having an early night to celebrate.
He isn’t making you happy, he’s dismissive and his feelings come first. It amounts to a disaster, bail out before it gets worse and you end up pregnant and have longer reaching decisions to make

If he can’t understand that your sleep pattern is just as valid as his - even if it’s not his preference- then I wouldn’t be trying to make this work.

He is being cruel, and you are definitely not pathetic. However I do think getting up at 5:40am every day through choice is unnecessary.
Can you not compromise and go to the gym one night in a week instead so you can have lie in?
I’m a night owl who would happily stay up til 2am but i’ve shifted as have school run to do and work to go to.
If these issues show after 7 months, it is a concern. It won’t get better especially if you ever have kids.

Well neither of you are wrong in your sleep schedules- no one is, if their schedule allows them to meet their responsibilities and have a happy life etc

You are both at perhaps extreme ends of the spectrum but neither of you is wrong.

What is really wrong is him trying to make you change to his preferred way of living, and calling you names when you don’t want to. Why would it be pathetic to go to bed if you’re tired? It would be more pathetic to stay up for the sake of it, or to please him - and I say that as a fully card carrying night owl myself.

I think you should bin him off tbh. He’s showing you who he is and he’s unlikely to improve. He sounds very selfish to me.

Not sure why people are saying you both have extreme habits . It’s a routine you both have and that’s pretty normal . But I think he is an arsehole the way he is describing your routine.