My partner and I have different expectations around sleep

I used to get up at 5 and ride my bike for an hour. It energized me for the day but at night I was v tired and went to bed between 9:30-10:30. It was a great routine. So I understand OP going to gym early and to bed early. It just makes you feel better overall He is a JERK!!!

Your partner is being mean. Lots of couples have different sleep cycles, which they get over. But he is calling you pathetic for wanting to go to bed earlier than him. It's not even that early, 11.00 is average for most adults.

🙄 Don't be ridiculous, you're sounding as rude as the boyfriend!

I think the bigger issue is him calling you names.

My partner and I are imcompatible sleepers. Been together 7 years. Have slept in separate bedrooms for 6 years (both now in our early 40’s).

I need 8-10 hours sleep. I hate being cuddled etc. he loves cuddling. I don’t.

he can manage perfectly well on 5 hours or so. And prefers to go to sleep after 12/1am

he snores. So loud it sometimes wakes me up in the other room.

I am a fidget sleeper, constantly turning left and right (due to broken collarbone years ago)

We love each other very much. We have a very. Happy and fulfilling relationship since we worked out our and agreed our sleeping differences.. Neither one of us has been abusive or used abusive language regarding the understanding that this is the best solution for us- and our relationship.

Firstly, your boyfriend sounds like a prick. He's calling you pathetic for not staying up late? He sounds like a stupid teenager.

Secondly, I'm amazed at all the people who think getting up at 5:40 to workout is extreme! I have a FT job, 3 kids and lots of additional responsibilities, and I'm up by 6 every day to either walk the dog before work or workout. I don't think I know anyone with a job who rolls out of bed at 8:30. Half the morning's gone!

Agree with this OP. My partner is like yours and I'm like you (although i get up at 6am) we have a child so someone had to be awake early and now its stuck. However when I get into bed at 10pm he makes me a decafe tea and chats to me until I'm asleep. He has never called me pathetic about anything.

I second the person who said you need an Australian partner. Most people here get up at the crack of dawn, it took me a while to get used to it, but now I love it!

Not really. Many of us are early birds. I love to get up early and watch the day unfold with a hot coffee. Literally the best part of my day.

I think the only unreasonable thing here is that you go to bed at 11 when you have an alarm set for 5.40. The fact that you are almost in tears from tiredness by Friday means you’re not getting enough sleep - go to bed earlier!

DH and I have different sleeping patterns. It’s only an issue if one of you makes it an issue. He toddles off to bed at 9pm and I wave him off and settle in to watch something for a couple of hours. If I can see he’s exhausted I send him to bed and I tidy up the kitchen while listening to a podcast. He doesn’t complain that I’m still asleep when he leaves for work in the morning (I WFH). I have a friend whose entire life is structured around sleep and she talks about it endlessly and expects everyone else to fit in with her needs. It’s the attitude that is boring not the sleep habits. If your bf can’t accommodate your needs without criticising you then the relationship is doomed I’m afraid.

Ditch the boyfriend, get the sleep.

This is not incompatibility.

This is a controlling abuser in the making.

Your relationship is seven months old and he's already calling you names.

Dump him.

Those posters criticising your getting up time are as bad as your boyfriend - 05.40 is not the middle of the night and there is a purpose to you getting up at this time. You go to the gym, I get up at the same time to go to work - both of us have our reasons for rising early, equally valid.

Any partner unpleasant enough to be calling you pathetic, boring and childish, especially only 7 months in, needs binning straight away. He will only get worse.

Some people are naturally early risers. We tend to feel better if we just get up and get on with our days rather than trying to sleep later in the morning. That often means we're sleepy by 11 or earlier. And that's okay! DH is more of a night owl than I am, but he would never say I was pathetic for feeling sleepy whenever I do, just as I don't say he's pathetic if he sleeps an hour or two later than I do. Unless we have special plans, it's not that big of a deal. Your partner is being unreasonable to demean you for wanting to be well rested.

He sounds like a complete knob. What are you even doing with him?

LTB, sorry you're incompatible, if you can't get enough sleep with each other life will be awful.

BTW I don't think 5:40 am is too early, I'm a get up at 06:00 person and in bed by 22:30. DH is more of a 08:00 - 23:30 person, so we just make sure not to disturb the other.

Sorry but it sounds like you're not compatible. Who says you have to sleep in the same room? That comes from lack of options due to small housing not because it's practical! Sleep is definitely a priority and you should always sleep when you're tired if you can.

Who do you think you are? Criticising OP's gym routine. Have you ever been to the gym early morning? I do occasionally and it sets you up for the day and gives you your evening to relax. There's nothing boring about early morning exercising, it's invigorating and energising.

• He's not your partner. He's a boyfriend, soon to be ex hopefully.
• His calling you names and being mean to you is utterly unacceptable.

There is nothing wrong with your routine, clearly your individual routines are incompatible.

I'm a nightowl myself, and NEVER would I call my DH names or mean things just because he goes to sleep at 11pm.

This man is mean to you, and sounds immature, selfish and generally a twat, so I suggest you get rid. End it now before you make the huge mistake of moving in together.

The only pathetic one is the manchild who is being mean to you.

He sounds nasty. Who the hell does he think he is calling you pathetic and boring simply because you have a different sleep pattern.

Id move on for that reason alone.

My dh is a lark and I’m an owl, we just aren’t narcissists who think the other should change their entire natural rhythms around to suit them. Together nearly 20 years and rarely go to bed together

You are both being unreasonable for only allowing yourselves 6 hrs of sleep a night.

I get up at 5:40 in the week, to go to the gym. He is happy to roll out of bed at 8:30, and start work at 9. I don’t wake him in the morning as I leave.

This sounds a bit judgemental when it's your schedule that's the one far outside the norm.

This.

You’re an adult with a routine. He’s a teenager that likes to stay awake until the early hours. The first red flag is that he’s mocking you for going to bed at a reasonable (normal) hour. What else is he going to complain about?