My partner and I have different expectations around sleep

Me and my partner also are completely different when it comes to sleep, however he is very accepting of the fact I am an early bird so I like to go to sleep early. He likes to stay up and watch TV after work and I have no issue with this. I quite like my space in the morning to get sorted and ready, sometimes I make plans to do things on weekend mornings whilst he sleeps, then we go out afterwards. He gets up if he needs to ie. If we have made plans, but if no plans then he will sleep easily til noon on a weekend (he gets up early and works hard through the week).

I have no idea why your partner is calling you boring and pathetic for going to sleep early? That’s incredibly sad and disrespectful, he should not be talking about his partner like that!

I'd chose sleep over a man any day!
I'd especially chose sleep over a man who called me pathetic and expected me to change my life to fit around him!

Depriving a partner of sleep is a sign of abuse. Calling a partner names such as 'pathetic' is a sign of abuse. Are you sure this isn't an abusive relationship? Even if it isn't I wouldn't be staying with someone who called me pathetic and tried to alter my sleep schedule.

It doesn't matter if you find it boring, what a pointless response - it clearly works for the OP.

the “it’s unnecessary to get up so early” responses are bizarre - it’s hardly out there to go to the gym before work. A lot of people do this. I get up at 6am to walk the dog each day, if I don’t do it I feel all wrong!

But the point is not her routine, it’s the way the DP is being an arsehole about it. There needs to be a compromise because that’s what you do in an adult relationship.

That’s fine but you are not being even the tinest bit flexible. Relationships need compromise. They don’t work long term without it. Have one day per week or fortnight where you stay up and lay in with him and go to the gym another time on that day. The world won’t end. He should also be comprimising to your schedule when suitable. If you go on holiday for example and you are up early. It’s just about being kind to each other and compromise. Been with my husband for 30 years and married for 20 so I have some clue about long term relationships

I get up at 5.15 for the gym and go to bed earlier. My DH is nothing but supportive. Cant imagine him calling me names because of it!
Your partner is showing you who he really is. BELIEVE HIM

Also regardless of him if you're so tired by the end of the week you could cry, this early routine isn't working for you

You’re not compatible.

The way he speaks to you isn't acceptable.

Your comment about being neuro divergent struck me. My husband has AuDHD , he got into the gym about 2 years ago. Now I go to the gym, I go 3 times a week once when DS is at gymnastics , I do a class one evening and I go on my lunch break on my WFH day. DH started to go 5-6 times a week at 5:30 am. It meant he was falling sleep by 9:30pm every night. Which when you're not both back from work until 6/6:30 , he works a late one night a week until 9pm and so do I, and you have a child who goes to bed at 7/7:30 in the week and 8 at the weekend, meant we were spending very little time together. I became resentful that his rigidity around his gym routine felt like he was prioritising that over spending time with me. We spoke about it and he now goes 4 times a week 2 are at 5:30am , he does one late session after his late night at work and he does one at the same time as me on a Sunday when our ds is at gymnastics. He now isn't tired every evening and we tend to go to bed together around 10:30 in the week and up to midnight at weekends. It's also really nice occasionally to lie in with your partner at the weekend (we rarely get opportunities for that due to ds). So I think if you are not willing at all to consider the impact on him of your strict routine, the relationship probably doesn't haven't legs. Having said all of that DH would never call me names the way this man has you.

Rude bastard. Why are you with him?

Life is far too short to stay in a relationship with someone who calls you pathetic after only 7 months together.

OP, I need to make something clear to you.

Someone who actually likes you for you, because they care about you as an individual person who they want to be happy and succeed, would not be mocking you and trying to get you to stick to their timetable. They would be trying to figure out a compromise, worried about your lack of sleep, and persuading you to go to bed and put your needs first. Thats not what this man is doing, its all about him, which is showing you he only wants you around because of what you can give him, not because he sees you as a wonderful individual who he wants in his life. A lot of men are like this so it can be really hard to identify that this behaviour is wrong. But it is. You deserve someone who shows you kindness and care always.

You’re incompatible. I also don’t see why he needs to give a running commentary on your sleep patterns .

This is exactly what I do, except about half an hour earlier 😊

Why should it be for you to fit in with him? Why is he right??:Why can't he follow your timeframe?

After only 7 months (and as you start to get more serious) he is showing you who he is. He doesn't like you having boundaries. What is his behaviour like in other ways? Is everything a battle? Can you imagine what he would be like if you had children? He clearly only prioritises himself. I would say quit while you're ahead.

BTW, me and my partner go to bed & get up at different times and respect this without being mean to each other or namecalling.

A Lark and an Owl probably aren't compatible unless they are willing to compromise.
The disparity in the times of energy are misaligned and this seems to be caused ill feeling in your relationship. The ill feeling is the deal breaker .
He unkindly called you boring and pathetic,you also bear ill feeling by saying someone who gets up at 08.30 "rolls out of bed".
I don't think either of you are unreasonable, just prefer different routines and sleep patterns.But the resentment of the differences will kill your relationship in the end.

I think you’re just incompatible with your sleep routine. He is being unkind about it, but I would not like to be with someone who is gone every time I wake up, nor would I want to spend every evening alone, and creep into bed with someone already asleep.

If he cannot respect your need for sleep I would call it verging on abusive.

I’ve had a couple of these idiots in the past. I would end the relationship. Him not respecting your need for rest and calling it pathetic is a death knell for your relationship.

PP on this thread calling your routine outside the norm, extreme - ignore them, they are all barmy! They’re projecting their own routines onto their thinking and assuming everyone is or should be like them.

5:40 is a perfectly normal and I would imagine pretty common time to wake up.

ditch the twat and keep getting up at 5:40

Your boyfriend sounds like an arsehole.

That's why we date people, to find out what they're like.

This one is a nasty git. Dump.

The thought of staying up till midnight/2am sounds horrendous to me! It also doesn’t matter what time I go to bed, I never sleep later then about 6.30. Always been the same! The thought of dating a night owl brings me out in a cold sweat

Biggest problem for me is that you are only 7 months into a relationship and he’s calling you boring and pathetic. He sounds immature. Sleep is important for our health and wellbeing and we all have our own requirements. If you are awake and want to go off to the gym and are not disturbing him by doing so then no problem. If he wants to stay up until 2am and doesn’t disturb you equally no problem. Calling you pathetic and boring for not wanting to fall into his sleep schedule every night most definitely not ok!

As somebody who has experienced both ends of the spectrum and tends to get more work done at night, I can tell you that while in the moment it feels good to stay awake late, even wasteful not to, you are unlikely to wake up refreshed and energetic, although of course everybody is different. When I force myself to sleep by 10pm, I feel like I've wasted the night but I feel better in the morning around 7-7:30am when I wake up. And when I sleep early I also start to wake up earlier naturally, which allows me to make up the time I missed by sleeping early. In any case, your partner should respect your opinions. If he doesn't, I won't tell you to leave him as that is your decision to make, but you should consider whether the fact that he is unwilling to listen to reason, appreciate your opinions and needs, or negotiate will be a problem, particularly in the long term. So he does sound unreasonable to me. There's nothing wrong with your wanting to keep healthy habits. It's your future, after all, and your life too. I hope this helps :)

Christ he's got you diagnosing yourself now because you have perfectly normal habits 🙄

Im the same. I go to bed at 10.30pm and awake by 6.30am as I just don't sleep well so like to have a nice calm and regular sleep routine.

My DH goes to bed at gone midnight and can sleep through any noise.so just sleeps in late at weekends and as late S possible on work days.

I love mornings!

If he dared question or take the piss out of my routine then I'd be furious.

I don’t know a single adult who rolls out of bed at 8:30. And how exactly is she being judgemental?

@tiredoldthing I don’t know why people find it strange to wake at 5:40. I’m up at 5 every day. I’m a morning person and quite useless in the evenings. I exercise, read, meditate and have some time to myself before I leave for work at 7:30. I’ve even been known to cook at 6am!
He is being very dismissive of your needs and feels you should mould your lifestyle to his own. That is a red flag to me.