My partner and I have different expectations around sleep

The problem is not your different sleep patterns, its the fact he ridicules and name calls you.

That is not ok and I can't believe anyone's response to his awful treatment of you is to tell you to change your routine. Talk about missing the point.

If you change to match his preferred routine he will simply find something else to attack.

My point was that I kind of agree with her DP feeling it’s boring to go to bed so early, having got up so early, because like him I’m an owl not a lark. Horses for courses. He shouldn’t be an arse about it, obviously, or disrespectful, unkind etc etc. But if they’re not compatible on this fundamental point of how to live their life, that’s not his fault and it’s not hers. It just is.

He is not treating you kindly or with respect - you deserve better . He sounds immature . Your good sleep habits will set you up well for the future .

OP, is being with him making you happy?

It doesn't sound like it.

You say he is not compromising and he is dismissing your feelings. - How is this making you feel? If you look forward in your lives how might this work out?

What about yours and his values? Generally are you aligned?

It sounds like you are caring more for him than yourself. I would suggest you bin him off and find someone more compatible and caring.

Whats wrong is him insulting the OP and calling her pathetic. Thats very wrong.

Neither are wrong. Just incompatible chrono types. You’re a lark. He’s an owl

just live separately then you can please yourself. Next will be complaining you are too tired for sex. Your own space, your own sleep pattern. or just bin him and free yourself of his whining.

Incompatible, sorry. I am a lark like you. If someone told me that made me boring I would avoid them.

My DH and I used to have different sleep patterns (but not as different as yours), he has always been up super early and got even earlier as he’s got older where as although I wouldn’t go to bed too late, I would sleep as late as possible on a morning and want a sleep in on a weekend. If was never an issue as neither of us were rude to the other or called each other names. That’s the big problem here.

Since peri I’ve got much nearer his schedule and now get up at 5:45 to go the gym before work like you, but he can be up as early as 4:30 now!

I’ve already posted but came back to add that this is not about compromise, OP. The way this man talks to you is truly alarming and troubling. The fact he thinks it’s okay to talk to you like this means he is a bad partner for you and shouldn’t be in your life.

There’s nothing pathetic about your sleep schedule, and it’s wrong of him to say so. 11 sounds late to me. If I have to be up at 5:30 then I’m in bed by 10, and that still doesn’t give a full 8 hours of sleep.

Does he work? His hours sound more like that of a student than a functioning adult.

Mumsnet really needs a suitable reaction for people who post useless shit like this. She’s not the boring one, believe me.

It's not unreasonable to have different sleep patterns. What is unreasonable is him being mean to you about yours and trying to push you to do something you don't want to.

What is really wrong is him trying to make you change to his preferred way of living, and calling you names when you don’t want to. Why would it be pathetic to go to bed if you’re tired? It would be more pathetic to stay up for the sake of it, or to please him

I would add that what is also pathetic is his inability to get his head round the idea that there are other valid ways to live, and that you have your own preferences. Very child-like.and immature.

His way of dealing with it, by calling you names, would also be pathetic if it wasn't so nasty.

Why are (or were) you doubting yourself here OP? His behaviour towards you is absolutely unacceptable.

How often does he use derogatory language to you and you accept it? Why do you? If my partner ever called me pathetic it would be immediately over!

Aww so did my gran & mum.
so true it mean you go to bed in the same day you got up.

He's pathetic. His attitude reveals an underlying inability to understand and respect that other people have different needs and wants from his own.

Try waking him up loudly at 5.40 every morning with music, curtains pulled, saying he is lazy and unfit and sleeping his life away when he should be at the gym with you. If he objects - point out if he wants you to respect his sleep pattern, he has to respect yours.

Of course you're not unreasonable. Many people get up early for different reasons (kids, work, commute, animals) and many people go to bed much earlier than you do. I usually get up earlier than you do to exercise before leaving for work at 7.30am.

What's really concerning about this is how your boyfriend is talking to you and his lack of respect and flexibility. It's not ok to call you boring and pathetic, it's mean and bullying.

Me and my ex partner were like this, im an early bird theyre a night owl. Thing is i'd always compromise for them and theyd never compromise for me. He absolutely shouldnt be calling you names for what works for you. Youve got a great routine thats amazing for your body and mind and hes dissing it. Youre right, sleep IS important and if he doesnt care about that fine, but shouldnt impose that on you.

I personally find your discipline admirable and dont let any man make you feel otherwise. Plenty of people out there who will respect it and not try to take it away from you.

It’s really not insane, and also what a useless post. People are different and have more energy at different times of the day. It’s not difficult to understand.

Oh right not good. Well compromise runs both ways so he has to compromise as well. And also kindness. If you don’t feel he’s genuinely kind to you after 7 months together then that’s not a good sign.

He is being unreasonable. Not because he sleeps different times but because he calls you pathetic and boring for it. Your routine seems the normal routine for an adult. Midnight is pretty late.

Don’t listen to that poster, there’s nothing at all out of the norm about your routine. It’s not like you’re getting up at 2am - 05:40 is a perfectly normal time to get up.

He’s a selfish, name-calling prick. Whether your sleep patterns are compatible is the least of your issues