How do you handle this is in a vulnerable 12 year old girl :(

This all sounds so depressingly familiar. I was sent to a huge secondary modern school (70s). They put me in the first year with a girl from primary school. We’d never been friends. Other girls from primaries in the area were in my class. You were either “in” with the bullies or cast adrift and picked on mercilessly. I chose “in” because I knew I didn’t have the character to be on the outside. Got me nowhere. The bullies will always make sure you have your turn as the victim. Changed schools with the stress of it all. Straight into the clutches of the next tormentor. What I’m trying to say is that if your child can build resilience and coping mechanisms it will stand her in good stead going forward in life. I’ve never managed it but I do admire those that can remain unaffected and have a good sense of self worth. I wish her the best x

Part of the problem here is that there are only six girls in the year, if I understand your posts correctly. So that's problematic for the school in terms of organising classes, given that:

• You don't want bully in the same class as your DD (understandably).
• Bully is not allowed to be in a class with one of the two girls in your DD's class.
• The school presumably wants an even split of 3 girls per class. They're unlikely to agree to putting one girl in a class on her own with all boys.

What they've done seems in many ways the least worst solution. They've put your DD and the other girl (OG) that bully isn't allowed to be in a class with in the other class from bully. Then they had the option to put either (i) one of your DD's friends, or (ii) OG's friend, in the class with the two of them as the third girl. They chose OG's friend, and that keeps your DD's two friends who are girls together in the same class as bully, which gives them some protection against her. If they'd put one of your DD's friends in with her instead, that would have left the remaining DD friend and OG friend to deal with bully. The one thing they could have done, I suppose, is put the boy in the friendship group in your DD's class.

Couldn't you and the school encourage your DD to make friends with OG and her friend so they form a group of three? Then she'll have friends in her class, and her original friendship group in some lessons and at break and lunch.

Tbh it sounds like a difficult exercise for the school in balancing the different needs of all the pupils, particularly the girls, and unlikely that there was ever going to be an outcome that was good for everyone.

This sounds like a rubbish school! I can't believe they have cut off communication tol September.
I slightly lost the plot with your outline of the friends and options ... it sounds complicated.
Are there options that you think the school should pursue and have not or are they out of options? Does the EHCP provide 1:1 and has that person a role to play here?

It’s the bullying that needs to be sorted though isn’t it - that’s where I would be going with this because I don’t see how they can change the classes around. Unfortunately that is the problem with very small class sizes and schools. They haven’t put your daughter with the bully which is good but it will still go on regardless of the classes. It sounds like a really crappy way to inform everyone of classes and I appreciate you may not have many options for your daughter but if she’s going to have to put up with this child and the dynamics of the others for her whole school life then I’d be thinking about other options because regardless of class mix she’s going to have this bully there day in day out for her school life in a very small environments where she can’t get away. It usually gets worse I’m sorry to say as they get older too.

I can't believe they are allowing all this bullying to go on !!
Can Ofsted intervene ?

" they can't isolate a child " but your DD is isolated ?
What work are they doing with the bully causing all this trouble ?
Op I don't know what the formal process is but I would be kicking up a massive stink and asking what can do to stop your DD from feeling punished for raising this

The best long-term outcome is for the bully to change her behaviour. With such small numbers, that's the only option that is going to work for everyone else, too (other than kicking her out). So I imagine that they have looked at what the best arrangement is to try and make that happen. If the bully is in with girls who are in a strong friendship group, then hopefully she will learn that she needs to earn friendship by being nicer.

Isolating the bully from the other girls doesn't work. They're still in the same school, they'll still have some lessons together, and she's perhaps even more likely to try to divide and conquer.

Go over their heads, governors/LEA ?

Ok so I guess we come back to, what are you asking for

Sounds like there are 3 girls in one class (DD’s two girl friends, and bully) and 3 in the other (DD and the two who are besties) is that right?

You’ve said they won’t leave bully as only girl in the class. And having bully with one other girls doesn’t go well either

They can’t swap DD and bully because one of the besties was also bullied by her

If they move one of DD’s friends to be with DD then one girl is left alone with bully

I am not sure what the solution is but you do need to know what you’re asking for. Personally I would be saying it’s fair enough for bully to be without other girls - she’s brought it on herself by alienating so many.

If she has an EHCP you should ignore the don’t email message. SLT will be checking their emails despite the auto reply.

This is far from ideal, but it’s half there in that at least shes not with the bully anymore. Worst case scenario, I think that you can support to make this work.

Do you have contact details for the parents of the two girls she is in the form with? If so I’d probably message them, be really honest about what has happened (sounds like one of them had a similar experience) and see if they can sensitively explain to their kids so that your daughter is included with them next year. No reason they can’t sit as a 3.

And then I’d encourage your daughter to make the effort to see her friends outside school. Can you help reassure her by encouraging her to invite them over this weekend? Let them support her a bit.

I am sorry to say that I can’t help as regards the issue around the school, save to wonder if there are governors who might get involved.

I can imagine how upset your daughter is, and how this will impact her over the long summer. It sounds like she has support in school, but can you access support outside that now? One option for her is to look at the Childline website, think about her own resilience, and talk to the counsellors there for support. It is great that you are fighting for her and of course this isn’t your fault, but it means you are really involved and I wonder if it might be helpful for you too if she has someone else on her side, and you can have a bit of respite because the situation sounds really overwhelming for you and for her.

I had a similar situation but my DD was primary school. I got the email about her class changing 10 minutes after school had closed. And she was separated from all of her friends and she was put in the same class as the bully.

So I called the school. I was stern, not emotional, factual. I mentioned that I want this situation sorted and that there is a paper trail about it, I demanded a meeting and got one 4 weeks into the summer holidays - which was torture for my DD at the time because she was in tears but I had to keep reminding her that I’m sorting it.

My only advice is get support from any charities - I made sure I used the right buzzwords in my email that forced them to take action as if it was forwarded on it would look bad. I spoke to the head, to teachers etc face to face months prior so I also had evidence that me trying to meet the school in the middle wasn’t helping.

I demand that they change her form if they can - but I understand that in secondary school they tend to do forms based on so many other things and not just friendship groups - so I would also find out more about how they choose classes.

sorry you are going through this but demand that meeting, be willing to emulate it if the head is palming you off.

Well they can’t really leave one girl alone with bully surely

So best bet is bully is in with all boys. She won’t like it but 🤷‍♀️

If the school is small and has so few girls I guess they are scared of losing any of them, even a bully 😔

I would email the school AND the LA tell them you expect a meeting as soon as school year starts (if not possible before)
They will read them, may not reply.
I would set out the manner in which this has been handled (very underhanded), without discussion or possible recourse is cruel and now means your DD will have anxiety over the next 7 weeks, I mean how is that helping a kid with an EHCP??

On a personal level when our FS started y7 at local comp, they were told they would be in a class with some one from their primary, the word friend was used. Due to vulnerability he had extra sessions at the comp at the end of y6.
About a week before they started the class lists came out 8 classes of 30 and parents began asking who was in which class.
He was the only boy in his class from his primary with an only girl from his primary. There were 16 boys so officially could have done 2 per class (not realistic but just showing that was fair) but one class had 6 boys from his school in.
I complained this is not acceptable for a child with his difficulties being so isolated. They asked who his friends were and I named a few but pointed out I.wasnt bothered who he was with as long as he was with a boy from his primary. They did sort it (also moved the girl) but it should not have been planned in that way in the first place.

Our FS was never aware there was an issue as someone from the school responded to my emails immediately and it was quickly sorted. He would not have attended until it was dealt with.

Well it sounds like in a class on her own away from anyone she’s bullied would be the perfect place for her.

There may not be enough evidence to kick her out ( I presume that is what the school meant), but you’re not asking for that (well not right now) just for DD and bully to be swapped.

Ah ok so that makes moving more difficult. I presume you looked at state options and none were suitable.

I think you need to work out what you’re asking the school to do. Have the school acknowledged that the bully is bullying? If so then I think you can ask for DD to be swapped with bully - as why should DD be penalised. That will no doubt get pushback from bully’s parents though. Are the bully’s parents aware of what their daughter has been up to?

If this were my DD I would tell her to calm down and relax because there is absolutely no way that this is happening. I would tell her that I won't send her back to school until the class issue is sorted and if it can't be sorted we will look at other schools or homeschooling. But I would make it absolutely clear to her that she doesn't need to spend the summer worrying because there is absolutely no way this is going to happen.

Are they taught in form groups then? Usually form is just registration.