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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to wait until after a Barbados holiday to end it?

132 replies

Thewrathofsylviaplath · 10/07/2026 23:08

I've been with my DP for 2 years (I'm 39 and he is 42), but things have been pretty dead for quite some time. No massive drama, but we have become more like flatmates and he is utterly terrible with money and spends it all the second he is paid. He is in thousands of pounds of credit card debt and seems to put a band aid over the problem by taking out balance transfer cards.

My dilemma is that he has booked us a 2 week holiday at a 5 star resort in Barbados this December. He impulsively booked it on his credit card- he was already 5k in debt on his card prior to booking the trip. I haven't been outside Europe since I was 21 and I really don't want to pass up on the opportunity. I could never hope to afford it on my own and I don't want to regret not going when I'm older. It sounds terrible, but should I hold out until after the holiday in December to break up with him?

OP posts:
GarlicEverywhere · 10/07/2026 23:56

Allisnotlost1 · 10/07/2026 23:12

It’s pretty hypocritical to complain he’s in debt and then benefit from him getting further in debt, regardless of whether you break up with him. If you’re unhappy you might as well be unhappy in Barbados I guess, but you’d probably be a better person if you tell him now and let him take someone who likes him.

I agree with this. I voted YANBU because, well, it is better to be unhappy in Barbados ... but December's five months away, that's a long time to hang in there living a lie.

He may well be hoping a holiday will repair the relationship? Better to let him down now, while he can still cancel and get at least a partial refund.

Start saving up for a dream holiday of your own.

Dinosweetpea · 10/07/2026 23:50

Springtimeinsunshine · 10/07/2026 23:31

Split with him now and give him the opportunity to cancel the holiday so he doesn't get further in debt. Staying with him until after is nasty on so many levels.

This. FGS

Missj25 · 10/07/2026 23:49

Nighttimenoise · 10/07/2026 23:41

You're sounding even worse than your first post .

Show quote history

Agreed .

Lougle · 10/07/2026 23:48

Thewrathofsylviaplath · 10/07/2026 23:39

He has paid for the flights and the hotel now, so I was just thinking I may as well go as it has been paid for anyway. All he would have to pay for on top of that would be lunch, dinners and drinks (breakfast is included). I don't think I should cough up as it wasn't my idea to book it.

Yeah, now you've over-egged the pudding. A real wind up thread develops over time. You've played your hand too early.

moonriverandme · 10/07/2026 23:46

This can't be real. Surely no one is this callous, mercenary, selfish., self involved & lacking in self awareness.

Calling · 10/07/2026 23:46

🤔

Busybeemumm · 10/07/2026 23:46

Wow if this is real then he has dodged a bullet once you end it with him.

Gallusoldbesom · 10/07/2026 23:45

There’s still time for him to develop financial management skills, but I suspect you’ll always be a cow, appalling behaviour.

Happyjoe · 10/07/2026 23:42

Thewrathofsylviaplath · 10/07/2026 23:39

He has paid for the flights and the hotel now, so I was just thinking I may as well go as it has been paid for anyway. All he would have to pay for on top of that would be lunch, dinners and drinks (breakfast is included). I don't think I should cough up as it wasn't my idea to book it.

You don't sound at all nice. Lucky escape for him I think.

Nighttimenoise · 10/07/2026 23:41

Thewrathofsylviaplath · 10/07/2026 23:39

He has paid for the flights and the hotel now, so I was just thinking I may as well go as it has been paid for anyway. All he would have to pay for on top of that would be lunch, dinners and drinks (breakfast is included). I don't think I should cough up as it wasn't my idea to book it.

You're sounding even worse than your first post .

Hellodarknessmyoldpal · 10/07/2026 23:41

Thewrathofsylviaplath · 10/07/2026 23:39

He has paid for the flights and the hotel now, so I was just thinking I may as well go as it has been paid for anyway. All he would have to pay for on top of that would be lunch, dinners and drinks (breakfast is included). I don't think I should cough up as it wasn't my idea to book it.

Emmm…. Ok no that would not be the right thing to do then.

Original poster
Thewrathofsylviaplath · 10/07/2026 23:39

He has paid for the flights and the hotel now, so I was just thinking I may as well go as it has been paid for anyway. All he would have to pay for on top of that would be lunch, dinners and drinks (breakfast is included). I don't think I should cough up as it wasn't my idea to book it.

OP posts:
Hellodarknessmyoldpal · 10/07/2026 23:37

He’s paying it all? Or it’s on his card and you’re splitting the cost?

LizzieSiddal · 10/07/2026 23:35

God no.
If he cancels the holiday now he’ll probably get some money back. If you go with him you’re complicit with him getting into debt, which would make you an awful person.

TaraRhu · 10/07/2026 23:34

Let him take friend... you can't dump him for being bad with money after enjoying the 5k holiday he paid for that you know he can't afford! If you want to go give him the money and you take friend.

80smonster · 10/07/2026 23:34

’You’re terrible with money but yes, I’ll come on a holiday you’ve booked on a credit card you can’t afford to pay back’. Tell him when you land why don’t you.

Springtimeinsunshine · 10/07/2026 23:31

Split with him now and give him the opportunity to cancel the holiday so he doesn't get further in debt. Staying with him until after is nasty on so many levels.

Lougle · 10/07/2026 23:31

"I just don't think we're compatible. You're too happy to put things on a credit card....except Barbados, that was nice.... But anyway, I just don't think it's going to work..."

5 months. Can you imagine how you'd feel if your boyfriend split up with you then said they'd been planning it for 5 months but waited until your holiday was done?

FWC2026 · 10/07/2026 23:31

Enrichetta · 10/07/2026 23:12

Probably a rage bait post…

Im hoping so. It would be an incredibly horrible thing to do to him & how could you possibly stay with someone for another five months just to use them to go on holiday??? take a special kind of arse!

HopeSpringingHigh · 10/07/2026 23:31

rubyslippers · 10/07/2026 23:28

It says in the OP that he paid for it
on a credit card

Show quote history

I know but i wondered if op then insisted on paying her half back to him ?

PrincessASDaisy · 10/07/2026 23:28

yeah just go on the holiday. Treat it as a ‘make it or break it’ retreat

PinkNailPolish2026 · 10/07/2026 23:28

Surely no-one is this shallow? @HopeSpringingHigh it says in the OP whose paid for the holiday.

rubyslippers · 10/07/2026 23:28

HopeSpringingHigh · 10/07/2026 23:26

Who has paid for the holiday?

It says in the OP that he paid for it
on a credit card

HopeSpringingHigh · 10/07/2026 23:26

Who has paid for the holiday?

FeelingALittleWoozyHere · 10/07/2026 23:25

Sorry but you are suggesting staying with someone you don't want to be with so you can go on a holiday which will get him even more in debt? Then dump him after?