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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to wait until after a Barbados holiday to end it?

132 replies

Thewrathofsylviaplath · 10/07/2026 23:08

I've been with my DP for 2 years (I'm 39 and he is 42), but things have been pretty dead for quite some time. No massive drama, but we have become more like flatmates and he is utterly terrible with money and spends it all the second he is paid. He is in thousands of pounds of credit card debt and seems to put a band aid over the problem by taking out balance transfer cards.

My dilemma is that he has booked us a 2 week holiday at a 5 star resort in Barbados this December. He impulsively booked it on his credit card- he was already 5k in debt on his card prior to booking the trip. I haven't been outside Europe since I was 21 and I really don't want to pass up on the opportunity. I could never hope to afford it on my own and I don't want to regret not going when I'm older. It sounds terrible, but should I hold out until after the holiday in December to break up with him?

OP posts:
Wordsmithery · 11/07/2026 06:53

Thewrathofsylviaplath · 10/07/2026 23:39

He has paid for the flights and the hotel now, so I was just thinking I may as well go as it has been paid for anyway. All he would have to pay for on top of that would be lunch, dinners and drinks (breakfast is included). I don't think I should cough up as it wasn't my idea to book it.

So you'll stay with him for five months to squeeze this holiday out of him and you're not even prepared to pay for your own food? What a freeloader.
Please dump him. He deserves so much better.

Sofiacalling · 11/07/2026 06:24

Do you have any redeeming qualities OP? I am struggling to see any

ItsNotMeEither · 11/07/2026 06:10

Thewrathofsylviaplath · 10/07/2026 23:39

He has paid for the flights and the hotel now, so I was just thinking I may as well go as it has been paid for anyway. All he would have to pay for on top of that would be lunch, dinners and drinks (breakfast is included). I don't think I should cough up as it wasn't my idea to book it.

It may not have been your idea to book, but it WOULD be your idea to stay with him and happily see him go further into debt, fully knowing you're planning to break up with him.

I don't think I've seen or heard of a clearer example of being a user in a long time. Double that when your main complaint about him is that he's bad with money, puts things on credit card and is in debt...when you are quite happy to assist him to go further into debt.

Leave him now! He can either try to get some money back or at least go with a friend who will hopefully pay his share.

Vile behaviour on your part.

JMSA · 11/07/2026 06:10

This is actually one of those Mumsnet posts that I hope journos find!

Snufkin88 · 11/07/2026 06:09

Yeh don’t go . Seriously . Like how would you even enjoy it if you are there with someone you aren’t attracted to anymore. Regardless of how things are dead your post shows an awful lack of empathy towards another human being .

Idontjetwashthefucker · 11/07/2026 06:09

Stay classy OP

Aligirlbear · 11/07/2026 06:08

Thewrathofsylviaplath · 10/07/2026 23:39

He has paid for the flights and the hotel now, so I was just thinking I may as well go as it has been paid for anyway. All he would have to pay for on top of that would be lunch, dinners and drinks (breakfast is included). I don't think I should cough up as it wasn't my idea to book it.

so basically your assumption is he will pay for everything an then you dump him when you get back. Could you be any more shallow. If this was a reverse the he would be getting an absolute pasting. You should end it now and let him get any refund he get and cut his losses

JMSA · 11/07/2026 06:07

Nobody is that awful a person, surely 😆

It’s like Pretty Woman 2, with the plot twist that he’s broke!

DontSayItsOver · 11/07/2026 06:05

Sicko 🤣

Mumtobabyhavoc · 11/07/2026 05:57

You criticize how he handles money, yet you are willing to take advantage of him just the same? Yikes. He might be bad at finances, but you have no moral compass.

daleylama · 11/07/2026 02:20

Thewrathofsylviaplath · 10/07/2026 23:39

He has paid for the flights and the hotel now, so I was just thinking I may as well go as it has been paid for anyway. All he would have to pay for on top of that would be lunch, dinners and drinks (breakfast is included). I don't think I should cough up as it wasn't my idea to book it.

He's well shot of you

daleylama · 11/07/2026 02:18

Thewrathofsylviaplath · 10/07/2026 23:08

I've been with my DP for 2 years (I'm 39 and he is 42), but things have been pretty dead for quite some time. No massive drama, but we have become more like flatmates and he is utterly terrible with money and spends it all the second he is paid. He is in thousands of pounds of credit card debt and seems to put a band aid over the problem by taking out balance transfer cards.

My dilemma is that he has booked us a 2 week holiday at a 5 star resort in Barbados this December. He impulsively booked it on his credit card- he was already 5k in debt on his card prior to booking the trip. I haven't been outside Europe since I was 21 and I really don't want to pass up on the opportunity. I could never hope to afford it on my own and I don't want to regret not going when I'm older. It sounds terrible, but should I hold out until after the holiday in December to break up with him?

Only if you repay him your half of the costs. If not you're being a parasite

floridafirefly · 11/07/2026 01:23

Oh dear

PinkyFlamingo · 11/07/2026 01:18

HopeSpringingHigh · 10/07/2026 23:26

Who has paid for the holiday?

It tells you that in the very first post.

TheSandgroper · 11/07/2026 01:14

I’m sure in real life you’re a very nice person but I can’t see in your post any integrity or any self respect.

Find some integrity and find some self respect and you will have your answer.

BeaLola · 11/07/2026 01:04

Thewrathofsylviaplath · 10/07/2026 23:39

He has paid for the flights and the hotel now, so I was just thinking I may as well go as it has been paid for anyway. All he would have to pay for on top of that would be lunch, dinners and drinks (breakfast is included). I don't think I should cough up as it wasn't my idea to book it.

So he is “good enough” for a holiday in 5 months time but not “good enough” to be your partner especially as he is a spendthrift and in debt

”good enough” for the holiday though as it was his idea and he paid for it and will pay for everything there as apart from being a bit a very nice person you are also exceedingly tight ….

notatinydancer · 11/07/2026 00:56

Thewrathofsylviaplath · 10/07/2026 23:39

He has paid for the flights and the hotel now, so I was just thinking I may as well go as it has been paid for anyway. All he would have to pay for on top of that would be lunch, dinners and drinks (breakfast is included). I don't think I should cough up as it wasn't my idea to book it.

I’ll bite , you’re not planning on paying for anything?

EmeraldShamrock000 · 11/07/2026 00:48

No. I wouldn’t even think about going, I would tell him to cancel the trip. It would be wrong to go with the intention of breaking up, the 5000 debt will be 10,000 by the end of the trip.
Break up with him now.

GaIadriel · 11/07/2026 00:47

I think Kanye West wrote a song about you, OP. 🤣

Tribecka · 11/07/2026 00:45

As shallow as a puddle.

SnowFrogJelly · 11/07/2026 00:43

Thewrathofsylviaplath · 10/07/2026 23:39

He has paid for the flights and the hotel now, so I was just thinking I may as well go as it has been paid for anyway. All he would have to pay for on top of that would be lunch, dinners and drinks (breakfast is included). I don't think I should cough up as it wasn't my idea to book it.

You wouldn’t even pay half for food and drinks?!

that’s awful

Pandimoanymum · 11/07/2026 00:13

Thewrathofsylviaplath · 10/07/2026 23:39

He has paid for the flights and the hotel now, so I was just thinking I may as well go as it has been paid for anyway. All he would have to pay for on top of that would be lunch, dinners and drinks (breakfast is included). I don't think I should cough up as it wasn't my idea to book it.

This actually makes it worse. Not only are you willing to use him to get a free holiday, which you know he cannot afford, you're quite happy for him to pay for your meals as well when he's there?!
And you don't think you should pay "because you didn't book it"??
Jeez.

FFSItsTooHot · 11/07/2026 00:11

Is this a joke?

SqueakyFromme · 11/07/2026 00:07

Enrichetta · 10/07/2026 23:12

Probably a rage bait post…

I don’t think it is a genuine gripe either, but just in case it is @Thewrathofsylviaplath Barbados isn’t all that wonderful these days.

Lavenderandbrown · 11/07/2026 00:06

Op if you really have this problem….do you not think it’s unkind selfish and manipulative to continue a relationship for July August September October November and December only to go on a holiday to eat drink have sex swim sun be a couple together enjoying a holiday only to return and end the relationship?? Don’t be premeditated mean mercenary and cold. If it’s over for you end it now. Seriously shame