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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to wait until after a Barbados holiday to end it?

132 replies

Thewrathofsylviaplath · 10/07/2026 23:08

I've been with my DP for 2 years (I'm 39 and he is 42), but things have been pretty dead for quite some time. No massive drama, but we have become more like flatmates and he is utterly terrible with money and spends it all the second he is paid. He is in thousands of pounds of credit card debt and seems to put a band aid over the problem by taking out balance transfer cards.

My dilemma is that he has booked us a 2 week holiday at a 5 star resort in Barbados this December. He impulsively booked it on his credit card- he was already 5k in debt on his card prior to booking the trip. I haven't been outside Europe since I was 21 and I really don't want to pass up on the opportunity. I could never hope to afford it on my own and I don't want to regret not going when I'm older. It sounds terrible, but should I hold out until after the holiday in December to break up with him?

OP posts:
FWC2026 · 11/07/2026 12:33

Gallusoldbesom · 10/07/2026 23:45

There’s still time for him to develop financial management skills, but I suspect you’ll always be a cow, appalling behaviour.

agree!

hard sgree!

except I'm sure it must just be a wind up!

Q2C4 · 11/07/2026 10:35

So you’re letting him get into more debt so you can have a nice holiday, which you’ll be spending with him (& presumably sharing a room with him) whilst fully intending to come home and dump him, because he is bad with money????

Snazzysausage · 11/07/2026 10:33

Absolutely not.
You'd be taking him for a ride, already knowing you plan to dump him on return.
No idea where your moral compass is but I suggest you look really hard to find it.

RareRubyRobin · 11/07/2026 10:19

How grabby and entitled are you?! What if he is planning to propose while you’re there? What will you do then?! Be a better person and end things now for both your sakes.

ClairDeLaLune · 11/07/2026 10:19

Will there be any sharks in Barbados that you can jump?

Swiftie1878 · 11/07/2026 10:04

Thewrathofsylviaplath · 10/07/2026 23:39

He has paid for the flights and the hotel now, so I was just thinking I may as well go as it has been paid for anyway. All he would have to pay for on top of that would be lunch, dinners and drinks (breakfast is included). I don't think I should cough up as it wasn't my idea to book it.

OMG. You are not a nice person.
Break up with him. Hope he can get his money back.
And stay single for a while until you've recovered your morals.

toothfairy11 · 11/07/2026 09:59

Yeah that's way too long off to string it out until then if you're sure now. If it was next week, maybe, just to be sure, but it's in 5 months time, you can't pretend for that long and you need to end it now.

alittlepieceofme · 11/07/2026 09:50

If this is real then you are vile!

shhblackbag · 11/07/2026 09:45

Thewrathofsylviaplath · 10/07/2026 23:39

He has paid for the flights and the hotel now, so I was just thinking I may as well go as it has been paid for anyway. All he would have to pay for on top of that would be lunch, dinners and drinks (breakfast is included). I don't think I should cough up as it wasn't my idea to book it.

Ick. He'll be dodging a huge bullet. Maybe that will even be worth the money to him.

This is ragebait, though.

shhblackbag · 11/07/2026 09:42

Springtimeinsunshine · 10/07/2026 23:31

Split with him now and give him the opportunity to cancel the holiday so he doesn't get further in debt. Staying with him until after is nasty on so many levels.

Agree. Anything else would be so incredibly shallow and gross. YABwhollyU, OP.

HopeSpringingHigh · 11/07/2026 09:39

OP of course this isn't ok morally. Would you like this done to you? If you had paid half the bill then I could just about fathom why you wouldn't want to miss out but I can't understand why you're asking us if it's OK that you lie and lead someone on for months because he's paying for a luxury holiday for you.

nam3c4ang3 · 11/07/2026 09:20

Don’t be such a twat op. 🙄

TulipsAndPancakes · 11/07/2026 08:47

Thewrathofsylviaplath · 10/07/2026 23:39

He has paid for the flights and the hotel now, so I was just thinking I may as well go as it has been paid for anyway. All he would have to pay for on top of that would be lunch, dinners and drinks (breakfast is included). I don't think I should cough up as it wasn't my idea to book it.

Grabbing popcorn

60degreecycle · 11/07/2026 08:27

JMSA · 11/07/2026 06:10

This is actually one of those Mumsnet posts that I hope journos find!

It's likely a journo writing it farming content.

AgnesX · 11/07/2026 08:26

You want to go, you pay your own way. Your attitude absolutely stinks.

BeardySchnauzer · 11/07/2026 08:25

Your expectations of him paying all your costs while you are away probably explains why he is in debt. Nice supportive partner there

Cosyblankets · 11/07/2026 08:23

Thewrathofsylviaplath · 10/07/2026 23:39

He has paid for the flights and the hotel now, so I was just thinking I may as well go as it has been paid for anyway. All he would have to pay for on top of that would be lunch, dinners and drinks (breakfast is included). I don't think I should cough up as it wasn't my idea to book it.

Oh behave

Zippidydoodah · 11/07/2026 08:22

Springtimeinsunshine · 10/07/2026 23:31

Split with him now and give him the opportunity to cancel the holiday so he doesn't get further in debt. Staying with him until after is nasty on so many levels.

This. You’re very shallow, op.

JLou08 · 11/07/2026 08:22

Wow.
You want to break up because he is financially irresponsible but you want to hugely benefit from that flaw before ending it?
The start of your post when you said it's a bit dead I was thinking go, it might bring the spark back. It looks like the main reason is the finances and you will end it regardless of how much fun you have. That is cold and immoral.

DillyDillie · 11/07/2026 08:19

ThatCyanCat · 11/07/2026 07:58

This can't be real.

I am totally sure it is. Unfortunately it is Real Life, not a 1950s B-Movie

Firefly100 · 11/07/2026 08:18

Surely this is a wind up, but in the slight chance it isn’t then no, this would make you an immoral human being.

I could never hope to afford it on my own

neither can he! If you leave him now he may be able to get some money back

I don't think I should cough up as it wasn't my idea to book it.

but it is your idea to arrange your life and decisions to prioritise going though isn’t it?

Your post makes you sound like a complete user and makes me feel sorry for him - impressive given my usual reaction to spendthrifts

ByRoseBiscuit · 11/07/2026 08:10

Yikes, no you shouldn’t do that!!!! 😳

Coconutter24 · 11/07/2026 08:07

Thewrathofsylviaplath · 10/07/2026 23:39

He has paid for the flights and the hotel now, so I was just thinking I may as well go as it has been paid for anyway. All he would have to pay for on top of that would be lunch, dinners and drinks (breakfast is included). I don't think I should cough up as it wasn't my idea to book it.

I’m really finding this hard to believe it’s a real post because surely no one is this selfish?

sneakysneakers · 11/07/2026 08:06

Why don't you end it but tell him that as a favour you're still prepared to go with him on the 5k holiday he booked for 5 months time - and see how that goes down.....

Coconutter24 · 11/07/2026 08:04

HopeSpringingHigh · 10/07/2026 23:31

I know but i wondered if op then insisted on paying her half back to him ?

Show quote history

OPs wanting to use her partner to go a holiday she said she could never afford, so I doubt very much she offered anything back

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