AIBU to hate DH wolf-whistling at me?

I should add that I do understand this at least a little, although with me and my husband it was postpartum, not menopause. I felt weird and gross and had no interest in sex, and I felt annoyed that he kept bringing up the topic. Then one day he told me, “I just miss you. I miss how close to you I feel when we have sex, and I miss that intimacy. I just want my wife back.”

I think sometimes women spend so much time telling ourselves that sex doesn’t always mean anything emotional to men, that we miss when it does mean something emotional to men.

She needs to be more worried if he doesn’t!

Ah yes the old ‘accept things you don’t like in your relationship or he will cheat on you’ mantra.

wonderful

I think this is a you problem. I would find it weird that you dont seem to be comfortable that he fancies you. It would be an odd relatinoship (although not impossible) for a married couple to be together and not fancy each other. Nothing wrong with it if they dont, but its unusual, surely you fancy him too dont you?

Of course he's eyeing you up!! Why wouldnt or shouldnt he, you're his wife!!

This is very well put. I feel like OP but can’t explain why I don’t like it. I just want to be a person washing up. I don’t want to be a sex doll

Fair enough that you want help, but how is he “objectifying” you by finding you sexy? You’re not an object to him, you’re his wife. You’re going through menopause and gaining weight and it hasn’t made a difference to him finding you attractive. This is an objectively good thing.

Did you ever see “Dune”? (Yes, I know it’s a book first. I didn’t read the book.) In “Dune,” a guy from the desert planet spits on the ground next to a guy from a different planet, and this second guy is offended. That’s an insult where the second guy comes from. On the desert planet, however, spitting near someone is a sign of respect because it means you find them worthy of sacrificing some of the moisture in your body – moisture being rare on the desert planet. The guy from the desert planet isn’t insulting the second guy, he’s showing him a sign of respect.

Your husband is “spitting” (whistling) at you, and on your “planet,” that means, “This woman is a sex object for my gratification.” But maybe that’s not what it means on your husband’s “planet.” Maybe on your husband’s “planet,” it means, “I love this woman so much and I think that among her many good qualities, she’s gorgeous and sexy.”

The question is why you’re interpreting this in the worst way possible. Is there some relevant history here?

Exactly

Surely looking elsewhere is more likely to happen if a partner is offended by the guy indicating that he finds her sexually attractive. Sounds like the death nell for a relationship.

It’s not weird or sad to not want to be objectified when you are just going about your everyday life in a female body. He needs to improve his game if he thinks that’s how to make you feel good.

I’d address the sex issue before the rot sets in and he starts wolf whistling someone else.

Yes, it's weird. If you're still passionate about him and still fancy him. Why would you be annoyed with him finding you attractive? Or is it just the sound of the whistling? It might be the repetition you know. Like hearing the same joke over and over. Is it annoying you loads more now than the first time he did it?

Not unpopular with some of us on the thread. I’m surprised that so many women here would be offended by this. It’s rather sad.

As a PP poster said, what matters is that you don’t like it and that should be respected. I would question why you say you don’t like that he sees you like that! You don’t like that your husband sees you as a sexy woman?

For what it’s worth, I sometimes whistle at my husband. He’s 72, but still sexy 😃

Jeez he’s your husband. You know how his brain works. If some random wolf whistled then yuck. My dh is rubbish with words. A wolf whistle works for him.

Im sure this is unpopular but I don’t believe a wolf whistle from the man you married is in anyway inappropriate.

Do you feel self-conscious about your appearance in general? I do, and I do find it uncomfortable to know that DH is ogling me when I’m getting dressed etc. It feels like it’s turning me just existing in the world into some sort of performance to be observed and appreciated.

However in the end it is nice to know he finds me attractive so I try not to make a big deal of it.

Yuk. I would make it quite clear that he sounds like a pervert and if he values the marriage he'll stop. And if you have kids, what a vile example to set.

Exactly this .. mine is 65, find him extremely sexually attractive and tell him !

I wolf whistle my husband .. almost daily. Particularly when he’s getting changed. We’ve been together nearly 25 years, he’s 63 years old, and if I can’t show him he’s still sexy, then who can?

I’ve noticed the times I don’t like it, are when I’m with someone I’m not that attracted to. It feels weird and cringey.
If I’m with someone I want to have sex with and am attracted to then I love it. It’s sexy as hell.
I now couldn’t be with someone I’m not attracted to.

Why do you find your husband finding you sexy cringy ? Mine does this .. it makes me feel loved and appreciated.. because he’s great at the day to day appreciation.. but sometimes it’s lovely to know he still fancies me ..

Men can’t win these days, they show they are attracted to you, they get told not to. They’re not being affectionate enough, they get accused of an affair.

id be flattered if DP wolf whistled when I walked into a room

See, it would make me feel like I was constantly sexually available. That he was looking as me as a sex object, while I was busy being a person. I’d worry he was about to interrupt whatever I was doing by groping me, and angling for sex.

It’s totally different from when you’ve dressed up specially, ready to go out.