Family with opposing views

I wouldn’t want my children around him if he couldn’t keep his disgusting racist mouth shut tbh.

And this was?
did you hear it or is it 2nd hand?
are you and your oh just as appalled when they hear left wing opinions like
’love is love’
’break the cotton ceiling’
’die in a grease fire TERF’ ?

In my familyI am the one with "awful views" (Terf).
I know that family members find it really difficult and tbh its both saddening and awkward to knkw that they feel that way.
There's not a lot I can do about it. Once you've reached a conclusion you can't just go back and unthink that thought.
It sounds like you already had the solution. You avoided the subject and concentrated on the areas you have in common. Your Dad's comments to your DH (and your DHs decision to pass them on to you) have upset the balance.
If you can, I would just proceed as before.
If the difference in values is insurmountable then the relationship may have to end. But this is a serious step and not one that it sounds like you wnat to take.

If it upsets you then don’t bring it up in conversation. It doesn’t sound like you’re going to agree with each other so agree to disagree and move on.

My cousin, 32M, recently said an inappropriate comment in front of my daughter, 15F, which she mentioned to me as she was shocked.

I just explained that he doesn’t actually know how offensive that is as he’s intellectually challenged. She seemed to be okay with this explanation, enough to drop it anyway, and to be fair it isn’t too far from the truth - he isn’t well educated.

@Coldcoffeekindamorning all you can do is make up some reason for it, he’s old and doesn’t mean it, just likes to get a rise out of people, and then do not engage in any discussion or opinion he has. Don’t give him a stage to spout such dribble.

No I haven’t any experience of family members that have ‘awful views’.

But what you say about your relationship and his behaviour when you were growing up most probably go hand in hand.

He spared you and any siblings hopefully and you say that he wouldn’t impose his view on your children, rightfully you are keeping an eye on that.

And it is your duty to not impose on your DC knowledge of their DGFs views. He is close
to them.

We can object, live accordingly but we can’t change everyone unfortunately and so we choose our battles.

He has these views, as long as he keeps them to himself and others like himself then he does little harm.

His life could have been very different, he chose to support the views that he does. But he hasn’t poisoned you, your DH or your DC.

And I say this as a black person.

I don’t think it matters what was said, just how you both feel about it.

It sounds as if you had a way of dealing with this before, in that you never let politics come up. The people I know who have a similar situation do the same. I do know one couple who do spend less time with the set of parents who come out with unpleasant bile, but they do see them, they just change the subject, spill something or whatever. They also pretty much always visit as a family rather than the children spending time there without them.

The question in my mind is why did your DF let this out now? Did he think a man was more likely to agree, or is he getting less controlled with age?

People have all sorts of views, some of which you may find abhorrent.
It doesn't make them bad. People are far more nuanced than that.
It's not worth damaging a relationship that's obviously important to you over this.

Can you be more specific on what was said?