Family with opposing views

I don’t agree w my adult DD’s views at all (I’m moderate, she’s very left wing) but she’s my DD so can’t disown her!! We just don’t discuss these things, i find that works! By the same token, my PILs were right wing so DH just ignored their Daily Heil ratings.
It’s upsetting but for the sake of the relationship then it has to be accepted- unless someone is being radicalised - that’s different.

OK. Looks like I confused your post with someone else's. The conflation arose from the other post.

It affects your relationship with them for sure if you’re polar opposites politically. While I respect everyone’s right to an opinion, I don’t always respect the opinions themselves and that can colour your perception of them.

In you first post, you asked us if you are being unreasonable, so you do need to discuss how bad or wrong what he said was, otherwise we can't answer your question.

If he says

"All Muslims are wrong-uns and should be shot" - you are not being unreasonable.

If he says

"It's an absolute disgrace that the authorities have turned a blind eye to the rape, abuse and murder of girls and young women by Muslim rape gangs" - you are being unreasonable.

He'd be right on that one.

It’s not really about agreeing. We don’t make accommodations.

I spend less time with DM as she has to compulsively shoehorn race and politics into everything. Every interraction she has, the attributes of the person she encountered are apparently down to their ancestory. The layered on surprise that they were lovely is nauseating. OK, you had a nice nurse, you don't need to emphisise that they were from... 🙄

Then there's the actual political ranting...

I ran out of steam to gently challenge it or tactically ignore it. She likes to provoke a reaction. I just see less of her now.

Racism isn't the only reason, there's other family reasons in the mix too and I'm out of energy for the cycle of family politics too and didn't want my children layered in as more fuel for it.

We don’t have to agree on this point, or indeed on any.

Your last point does conflate nationality, “race” and skin tone.

You started talking about differences when white rapists (and I have not seen any evidence that conviction rates for white rapists are different to non-white ones) and then ended talking about deportations. That conflates different things.

I did not mention white rape gangs ftr. You are confusing posts.

We don’t make accommodations.

Nice try, but you need to try harder.

I said "British", because British people come in all colours and cannot be deported unless they have committed a crime and have dual-nationality.

I specified "white rape gangs", in response to your nonsense about "white rape gangs". Of course there are rapists who are neither white nor Muslim but - forgive me if I'm wrong - I don't think they are the ones you were referring to.

What about my other questions, what evidence is there OP's Dad is a "massive racist"? What is "that kind of shit" the people you reject as friends spout?

I think @MrListerSir has it spot on. You are overthinking this.

If you choose to continue a relationship with him just shut down discussion of topics you don’t wish to discuss and advise your partner to do likewise. Don’t raise the topic either.

There is quite a big difference between burning people at the stake and choosing to reduce the time you spend around them.

You think only in the West and in the modern era that people distanced themselves from their families for their views?

Really?

Your OH knows you don’t want to rock the boat, but he reported back all of your Father’s ‘awful’ views anyway. Sometimes it’s best to just shut up.

I don’t know why he told you.

To shit stir perhaps?

A lot of conflating Islamophobia with race too. I grew up in Yugoslavia/former Yugoslavia where the Muslim population was/is white.

Some cultures integrate better than others, even if both share a religion. I’m an immigrant, and I do personally think immigrants have a responsibility to integrate with the cultural norms of the country they’ve moved to. To respect them. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with a country wanting to preserve its native culture either, and tbh I find the UK a bit of an outlier in that respect, regarding the the amount of accommodations made.

Your last point conflates nationality and “race” / skin tone.

As other have said it really does depend on the views. Even “Islamophobia” covers a wide range.

“Halal food is cruel and should be banned” is a very different league to “Muslims can never be British and should be forcibly deported”.

One I would just counteract with my own views. One I would reduce my children’s time around that person.

Ha. Amnesty? What a poor descent for a once respected organisation.

If, on the other hand, the sources claim that some Muslims men in towns and cities around the UK have been raping and abusing girls and young women for decades, they are stating a fact.

It would also be factual to say some non Muslim men etc etc etc.

Suggesting that more "facts" may be needed.

I mean most road traffic offences are caused by sober drivers. That's a fact.

I missed OP's post that told us exactly what her father's abhorrent views are. In fact, her posts carefully avoid doing so, suggesting to me that her father's views might not be particularly unreasonable.

What evidence has she given that made you conclude her father is a "massive racist"? What exactly is "the sort of shit" people spout who you don't want to be friends with? Please give some actual examples.

Literally no one thinks white rapists are good or better than brown ones. The difference is:

• The authorities have no political fear of dealing with white rapists
• There is no evidence of significant organised white rape gangs and where they do exist, they are prosecuted. There are no votes in ignoring them.
• There is no legal mechanism for deporting British rapists and neither should there be. Every country should be responsible for dealing with its own scum.

Duh.

we do fun things like take the birthday and Christmas money he gives us and use it in ways that we enjoy but also support organizations and charities that he hates. He doesn’t know what we are doing. For example, he doesn’t know a piece of art hanging in my home that I told him I bought with his gift money came from a charity fundraiser.

Racism has become acceptable, especially when it comes to Muslims. This does not mean that you need to accept it though.

Personally I call out racism if anyone ever parrots it in front of me .. I don’t want to be friends with people who spout this short of shit

… and yes, they will dress it up, claim is about Rape Gangs, and VAWG … but they rarely give a shit about white Rape Gangs (we have had at least 2 of these in our area), or the domestic abusers that hide thier ranks.

He can say what he wants, you don’t need to sit thier passively because of “free speech”. “Free speech” has never meant “free of consequence”. The consequence of this is that’s he’s a massive Racist.