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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to think this is a bit much to ask for school run?

514 replies

Kim926 · 10/07/2026 20:01

Our next-door neighbours have a daughter in the same Reception class as my son.

We already help each other with school pick-ups occasionally, and I've been happy with that arrangement.

The mum is now increasing her working days to three days a week after maternity leave and has asked if, on those three mornings, they can leave their daughter with us before work so that I can take her to school with my son.

For a bit more context, the mum isn't unable to drive, but she doesn't drive. Her husband drives her to work, which is about 15 minutes away, and this is why they need someone else to take their daughter to school on those mornings.

They literally live next door and I'm obviously going to the same school anyway, so I know it might not sound like a huge extra task. I also have a two-year-old at home, though, and mornings with my own two children are already busy.

I think what has made me uncomfortable is that this isn't really an occasional favour or helping out in an emergency. It would be a regular three-day-a-week arrangement because of their change in working pattern. It feels a little like their childcare/school run responsibility is being transferred to us simply because we happen to live next door and our children attend the same school.

I also feel awkward saying no because we are literally next-door neighbours and I will inevitably see them at school drop-off on the days I've said I can't do it.

AIBU to think three mornings every week is quite a lot to ask of a neighbour? Or is this considered a fairly normal favour between families when the children go to the same school?

OP posts:
Original poster
Kim926 · 13/07/2026 14:19

Stationbike · 13/07/2026 09:33

Absolutely this.
This is what CF's do.
They care not a whit for others being put out, it's all about making life easier for themselves.
That is why they often will not accept NO.
It's worth it to them to push harder to get what they want.

Years ago when I had children in primary and was coming across people like this, even a hint of cheeky fxxkery meant I hard swerved them, from then on.
It served me very well.

They may well be back OP.
Be prepared to say no again.
Good luck.

Show quote history

Thanks. They wouldn't ask any more I assume. At first they wanted to continue with usual 50:50 but they had to come back to the house just to pick up my son. Probably he did not like it, he said there is a road work that would trigger a delay then asked to drop off myself, and brought all items they borrow from us.

This would be it as there will be a school holiday from the end of this week.

OP posts:
Stationbike · 13/07/2026 09:33

Kim926 · 12/07/2026 22:54

He has enough car seats and enough room in the car. From the way they responded, it seemed they were perfectly capable of managing on their own. They just wanted to make things easier for themselves, which is why they askedfor help.

Show quote history

Absolutely this.
This is what CF's do.
They care not a whit for others being put out, it's all about making life easier for themselves.
That is why they often will not accept NO.
It's worth it to them to push harder to get what they want.

Years ago when I had children in primary and was coming across people like this, even a hint of cheeky fxxkery meant I hard swerved them, from then on.
It served me very well.

They may well be back OP.
Be prepared to say no again.
Good luck.

Werhere · 13/07/2026 07:19

ThriveAT · 13/07/2026 07:01

You can't assume this.

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“I reckon”

the husband asked the OP’s husband
so a reasonable suggestion that the wife didn’t know

Moonnstarz · 13/07/2026 07:18

Kim926 · 12/07/2026 22:54

He has enough car seats and enough room in the car. From the way they responded, it seemed they were perfectly capable of managing on their own. They just wanted to make things easier for themselves, which is why they askedfor help.

Show quote history

If they want to make it easier for themselves then surely you look into paid childcare options - childminder, breakfast/after school club.

Did you mention another neighbour in the thread who has taken the eldest in before they go to you? Wonder if they are next in line to be asked to step in.

Sartre · 13/07/2026 07:14

He should drop his wife at work early then double back with his daughter- sorted.

ThriveAT · 13/07/2026 07:03

Kim926 · 12/07/2026 22:54

He has enough car seats and enough room in the car. From the way they responded, it seemed they were perfectly capable of managing on their own. They just wanted to make things easier for themselves, which is why they askedfor help.

Show quote history

OP, I suggest you steer clear of them and extricate yourself from whatever arrangement you've had in the past. This ask was just so appalling and has taken up so much of your headspace. Let them go if you can. Inevitably, they will come up with a new proposal down the line

ThriveAT · 13/07/2026 07:01

Werhere · 13/07/2026 06:18

I reckon the wife has no idea her husband asked

Show quote history

You can't assume this.

Werhere · 13/07/2026 06:18

Kim926 · 12/07/2026 22:54

He has enough car seats and enough room in the car. From the way they responded, it seemed they were perfectly capable of managing on their own. They just wanted to make things easier for themselves, which is why they askedfor help.

Show quote history

I reckon the wife has no idea her husband asked

TheBlueKoala · 13/07/2026 05:51

Kim926 · 12/07/2026 22:54

He has enough car seats and enough room in the car. From the way they responded, it seemed they were perfectly capable of managing on their own. They just wanted to make things easier for themselves, which is why they askedfor help.

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😂 Make their life easier while making yours more complicated. CF. Well done for putting your foot down.

cornflakecrunchie · 13/07/2026 02:05

I was being sarcastic, @99bottlesofkombucha but must have entered the wrong name, sorry!
Just wondered what OP was getting out of the proposed arrangement - nothing, by the sound of it..

Rondayvu · 12/07/2026 23:34

The husband asked your husband would you take their kid to school for them? Misogyny alive and well. No offer of a payment for your troubles just 'well her indoors is driving that way anyway like'. If they were going to ask you they should have come up with a monetary proposal and gone directly to you not the menfolk discussing what the womenfolk can or cannot do. I am so glad you said no.

99bottlesofkombucha · 12/07/2026 23:18

Kim926 · 12/07/2026 22:54

He has enough car seats and enough room in the car. From the way they responded, it seemed they were perfectly capable of managing on their own. They just wanted to make things easier for themselves, which is why they askedfor help.

Show quote history

This is how so many men work. ‘Why should I do this for my kids when another woman might do it for me? That seems fair, I’ll ask her husband.’

99bottlesofkombucha · 12/07/2026 23:18

cornflakecrunchie · 11/07/2026 11:54

What's your 'wage' going to be, @99bottlesofkombucha ?

I think you have the wrong poster? I haven’t scrolled back but I do not recall saying the op should be paid for it?

Original poster
Kim926 · 12/07/2026 22:54

BirthdayTrash · 12/07/2026 19:53

Presumably he doesn’t have space in the car for all those car seats.

Show quote history

He has enough car seats and enough room in the car. From the way they responded, it seemed they were perfectly capable of managing on their own. They just wanted to make things easier for themselves, which is why they askedfor help.

OP posts:
BirthdayTrash · 12/07/2026 19:53

GotALionInMyPocket · 12/07/2026 09:17

Why does having another child prevent him from dropping or collecting kids from school?

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Presumably he doesn’t have space in the car for all those car seats.

ThriveAT · 12/07/2026 19:50

Aabbcc1235 · 12/07/2026 10:46

I would want this to be a childcare swap given how much time and effort you would be investing.

So, one option would be to ask them to take your child/children the other two days?

The other option would be to ask them to have the kids for a week in the summer whilst you work. They’d need to take holiday for this but that would probably be easier than them paying a childminder for the drop offs.

But, if you don’t want this it is totally fine to say no. Maybe with a nice excuse like your own work is changing hours so you can’t commit…

No. No excuses. Excuse suggests that she has an obligation.

ThriveAT · 12/07/2026 19:48

daleylama · 12/07/2026 14:45

Agreed- this is veering into 'don't ask don't get' CFery. 'They can always say no' puts the onus on the other party who will often be that person who always does the favours, goes out of their way. for the CFs

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You understand. Thank you.

daleylama · 12/07/2026 14:45

ThriveAT · 12/07/2026 07:20

It's not the right thing to ask. It's not a reasonable ask. The ask itself is an impositiin that causes stress. Not okay.

Show quote history

Agreed- this is veering into 'don't ask don't get' CFery. 'They can always say no' puts the onus on the other party who will often be that person who always does the favours, goes out of their way. for the CFs

WallaceinAnderland · 12/07/2026 13:40

Glad you got it sorted OP.

FlyingCatGirl · 12/07/2026 13:06

ReadingInBed88 · 10/07/2026 20:09

Also say there may be times when your son is ill and you're not going to school - or you/toddler are ill and they need to take your son instead - to make clear you may not always be able to do this

My thoughts exactly! I can imagine the neighbour getting all stressed and butt hurt if the OP ever has to back out of it, they need to have a back up plan!

InvestingMimi · 12/07/2026 12:47

I would help out assuming there the child would sit and wait patiently while you were getting ready etc. In this day and age we need to be more neighbourly and strengthen community.

hcee19 · 12/07/2026 11:08

What if your child is unwell, and is not going into school, for who knows, how long. I would say no to this. It can easy escalate and you end up giving this child dinner ever night because your neighbour has had to work late etc. She should not put her problem onto you

Mikki77 · 12/07/2026 10:56

If you want to do it great BUT what happens if you child is ill and they are staying home that day ? Would you still be expected to drop off. This is where future problems will occur, escpecially if they have no back. What if their daughter is ill would you be expected to look after her. I would be inclined to help but sort out all the what ifs first!

Aabbcc1235 · 12/07/2026 10:46

I would want this to be a childcare swap given how much time and effort you would be investing.

So, one option would be to ask them to take your child/children the other two days?

The other option would be to ask them to have the kids for a week in the summer whilst you work. They’d need to take holiday for this but that would probably be easier than them paying a childminder for the drop offs.

But, if you don’t want this it is totally fine to say no. Maybe with a nice excuse like your own work is changing hours so you can’t commit…

pollymere · 12/07/2026 10:19

I had this arrangement with a friend for school pick ups. I paid her childcare rates for it. As it was only half an hour every day, I only paid for that unless I got stuck.

I would suggest that a token amount to cover petrol or maybe even breakfast or snacks would be appreciated. "I'd be happy to help. Is £5 a session okay with you? Just to cover petrol and food? Brilliant!" (Obviously you can make it more... It's been a while!) If they can't afford £15-30 a week, they'll struggle to find an alternative if you do say no ...