AIBU to think this is a bit much to ask for school run?

So let me understand this…you’re already doing 50% of their school runs (pickups) and they now want you to do 80%? And their reasoning is you have one less child than they do so it’s so much easier for you. And they do nothing in return?

Absolutely not!
It has to be flexible, as soon as you're restricted to certain days and times your life is not your own.

This.

But I grew up where it was normal for a one parent in our cul de sac to drop all of us off and pick up. People just worked out what worked for each family and sorted.

It had a lovely community feel to it.

Definitely a ‘that doesn’t work for me’ response needed.

Why can't Dad do the pick ups with the 2 little children in tow? I don't see any reason for Dad not to do pick ups.

I wouldn't do this because when you commit to caring for someone else's children on a regular basis, paid or unpaid, it becomes really difficult to NOT do it, even if you have an emergency of your own. So if THEY have an emergency, they are fine because you are already handling their kids. But if YOU have an emergency, you are up a creek because you can't pivot to deal with your own problem because you are already committed to doing work for them.

And by emergency I don't just mean "kid broke a leg and needs to go to hospital." I mean anything that would normally necessitate you changing your own schedule. Could be your kid is sick and not going to school, could be you are sick, could be that you want to go out of town to visit your sick mum. Could be that your heater broke and you need to stay home to watch out for the repairman. Whatever it is. If you call them and say, "I can't watch Kaitlyn today because I have the flu" they're going to say, "But what are we going to do? We're relying on you." People tend to get very entitled about this sort of thing - they don't think of it as a huge favor you are doing them, they think of it as your social obligation. And as soon as you accept the commitment, you've accepted the obligation and now they see it as your (unpaid) job.

Basically, they get all the benefit and you get all the costs. It's not neutral - you're not just doing the same work as before (although they might see it like that because it's not in their interests to see the whole picture). You're doing MORE work and accepting MORE restrictions on your activities for THEIR benefit. You don't benefit in any way.

Essentially, I'm not willing to burden my husband or children (or myself!) that way so that a random person in the world can have an easier life. It's not fair to my husband or to my children. Or myself.

You can only get 3 carseats in the back. I'm guessing they are too old for rear facing front seats.

I'm usually very community minded but this has to be a no. You need to know your mornings are your own time. It sounds like she is taking the piss as I'd she made her own way to work the dad could do drop off.

Why don’t they use breakfast clubs or use a childminder who does the drop off. You doing pickups is kind enough. The mum can either get to work earlier or use public transport… or find a new job that works better for her situation. I do understand it’s hard with multiple children but they should have thought about this before she went back to work.

i think they may taking advantage of your kind nature, they should really be paying you something if they want you to all of this.

Still don’t get why dad can’t pick up 2 more kids. They have 3 anyway so this will take it to 4 and most family cars will seat five people

I think now would be the perfect time to stop completely. They are not doing anything for you at all OP. Just tell them you think it's best to end the arrangement and each of you sort yourself out except for emergencies and see how that goes.

Under no circumstances would I do this unless there's an ongoing reciprocal and regular agreement where YOU get the favour back, OR she pays you. So if she paid you £20 a week maybe I would say yes (still cheaper and easier than a breakfast club for her), an extra £80-100 a month is a nice little extra. If she did pickups or drop offs on the other 2 days every week I would say yes. . But as an ongoing commitment where it's just you doing a favour for her, I would say absolutely not. My friend lives over the road to me with a daughter and son the same age as my 2, we share pick ups and drop offs to school events, take it in turns going to the park with them all, dancing lesson pick ups and drop offs etc and when one has an ill child for example. But it works because we probably do favours for each other 50/50 so neither one of us takes advantage and we feel confident asking for a favour because we can return the favour.

‘Before work’ so in theory the child could be with you for an hour or more. What time does her job start?

if shes coming off maternity leave, who’s looking after the baby? Does her dh have to drop baby of at nursery as well as wife at work?

Decline and say that your house is very hectic in the morning with your child and two year old, and you haven’t got the capacity to look after a third child.

Its not your responsibility. I would say no. Its not your problem to solve. I wouldnt mind doing pick up or drop off as an emergency but they want a regular commitment. What happens when your child is sick ? Or (cluch pearls) you decide to take a term time holiday or have something else on. You are already dong them a huge favour doing 3 pick ups a week. I think they are CFs.

Maybe I'm mean but I wouldnt want to deal with someone else's kid that many times a week. My plate is already full enough.

Don’t do it! As someone who has somehow managed to get into the trap of taking a school mum to work twice a week it’s a pain! It’s annoying if you have a day off or feeling a bit down and just want a relaxed day with your child! I’d be honest but blunt.

‘ I’m really sorry but I can’t commit to three days a week, the school has a great breakfast club that I’ve been looking at it’s only £7 a day’

nobody will ask you why you can’t commit as we are all too British about things.

How old are the other children? If you’re not careful you’ll be wrangling 2 of theirs & both of yours in a year or two.

But you have one small child to take alongside the school age child, don't you? Really think if the mum can drive - and I assume the school isn't that far as primary - then she needs to drive and drop kids (hers and yours) twice a week and you do two or three. Has to be equal as you have stuff to do as well!

Or is it that dad wants the one car during the day?

Stop doing the pick ups and don’t agree to drop offs. He’s a stay at home dad so he should be doing them all for his daughter!

I don't see why having two dc means he can't do the pick ups?

I would still say no though. It's just too uneven.

Is it a car space thing or a willingness thing? He's collecting 3 kids, what's one more??

No way would I want to do this it sounds like a right pain. I don't want to see ANYONE in the morning let alone the neighbours kids. For me it would be a straightforward 'no' as in 'oh sorry I'd love to help but I won't be able to do that'.

Honestly my biggest regret was getting involved in lift sharing. I ended up doing the majority and was really resentful. It sounds like you will be doing all the favours and getting nothing in return. I would say that after some reflection you’ve decided you don’t want to do any runs for other people. Just say you have too much on your plate with your own kids.

So what happens when the younger children go to school? Would you be expected to take them as well?

Do you all have to drive to school OP, is that why the Dad can't do pickups, he doesn't have room in the car for a 4th child?

He can't do the pick-ups on those three days either as he has their other two children with him, whereas I only have one younger child.

Well, they decided to have 3 children without your involvement. It is not on you to fix the consequences of that decision.