AIBU to think this is a bit much to ask for school run?

My old neighbour actually did this for me, BUT she offered and I NEVER would have asked, as it is definitely an imposition to have an extra child in the house during the morning rush. I was hugely grateful to her and it helped me out, but before she offered I had my child booked into paid childcare for a year (her daughter was a year younger than mine), I think it’s cheeky to ask.

I'm stuck on where their other two children are when the dad's running the mother to work. They must be in the car with them, so why doesn't he take the third child as well? Drop off at school on the way back from dropping the mother (drop her a bit early at work if he has to)?

Where are the other two children whilst he is driving her to work?

No. This is an overstep. What if her child is a nightmare and doesn’t want to leave the house? Or your child is ill? School run is a nice time to chat to your kids, set them up for school, discuss any worries they might have.

Just say you have your own issues as to why this isn’t possible. If she pushes it say ‘it’s personal’. No one pushes further than that.

instead of posting, send her a clear message that’s it not going to work for you.

And then she’ll have time to arrange someone else

I hit my limit when a family tried to make their 4th (desperately wanted) child my problem. Just leaving her at my house having come over with the lot, asking if the older ones could come over to play with mine (same age) and leaving the youngest (10years younger!) for them to deal with, asking my eldest to shower their youngest while the parents dealt with the other three… It got ridiculous. I ended up telling the poor child she needed to go home now, or to go home with her siblings, or asking the older ones to take her home etc etc.

I can’t understand people having more and more children when they’re not capable of looking after them without consenting help. You have to say no. It’ll creep and creep and creep because these sorts of parents think other people are obliged to help them because they will understand how hard it is having so many kids.

They’re already taking the piss and you need to stamp on it now before it gets worse. After the summer break tell them that you can’t commit to any pick ups or drop offs, that’s the end of it, no sorry’s and no excuses needed. They need to employ a childminder if they can’t manage to do it and shouldn’t be relying on other parents. Cheeky buggars.

Usually I'd be up for this sort of thing to help out another family, but it sounds like your neighbour could drive herself to work and her husband, who stays at home anyway if I read your update correctly, could then take their daughter to school.
It isn't a flT "No" but I think I would be seeking some sort of reciprocal support from them because otherwise that is too lopsided to be maintained without resentment long-term.

I wouldn't commit to this. It seems like you occasionally did each other a favour and now they want you to be their morning childcare and ride more than half the week. That's a huge ask.

Why can't they can drop their kid while taking the mom to work?

What's with the she drives but doesn't drive stuff.

Hadn’t thought of it that way round 😬

I don’t get why the wife won’t just drive to work. I get that she doesn’t want to but 🤷‍♀️

She needs to use public transport to get to work.

Or worse, what happens if their child is unwell, at OP’s house? She’s then left to deal with someone else’s sick child and would be unable to take her own to school. Far too much responsibility for no pay - this is what childminders are paid for! Neighbour is a huge CF.

So are they loading the two younger kids into the car, driving the mum to work and then coming home? Absolute madness.

I would ONLY agree to it if I could pick the child up as we left the house to walk to school.

Has he offered to get her laid??
Sorry… tickled me 😂

What happens if your child is ill? Will they still expect you to take their child?
They are CFs. Are you going to end up taking their other children to school in the future too??!

I think I’d say how much I struggle with mornings and getting my own 2 children ready so I couldn’t manage a 3rd.

Or use the good old “sorry, that won’t work for us”
followed by fuck off you CFs!

I’d do it. If stars dropped off dressed fed and ready then it’s no trouble. My DD bestie lives next door and has done for 11 years. We’d often rely on each other and still do for comp.

Regardless of whether they can actually reciprocate or not, I would phrase it in such a way that automatically expects this. Yes sure sounds good, are you happy to do 2 drop offs and 1 pick up? If she says no (sounds like she will), you have a better get out clause. Even though you absolutely don't need one. Or just say - sorry mornings are so rushed, it would be stressful having another little one to mind. I am more than happy to do the occasional drop off to help out as I am sure you would if I was in similar circumstances but I can't commit to anything regularly x

Set up a formal contract with her as a childcare provision. £4 per morning. Definitely cheaper than if she had to arrange breakfast club.

Nope
Regular arrangements can become problematic — better to say no except for occasional emergencies.
I like to chat to my kids on the school run.
Sometimes we might want to go early or late or grandparents might take them.
If one of the kids was having a bad time and was resisting going that day I wouldn’t want another child around to deal with.

"I'm sorry but I don't want to take on that level of commitment" You don't have to put I'm sorry 😉

I wouldn’t for the simple reason that there is a solution, but it doesn’t suit them. That’s fair enough, but it remains their problem.

Absolutely not. I wouldn't even get into a reciprocal agreement about any drop offs or pick ups full stop. It's one thing if you're sick and need a hand, it's another to be doing it multiple times a week. Plenty of us do school picks up with younger children in tow, plenty use public transport or walk to work, plenty of us use a variety of wrap-around care to get us through working weeks. Their childcare problems are not your problem.

Back in my mums time, she had to rely on neighbours . There was no regulated childminders etc back then, I remember her paying a woman four doors down from the school 10 bob a week to take us ( 2 ) for 30 mins an evening . We weren't entertained or anything, we sat in the kitchen , safe, bored but safe, till mum finished work

Then a neighbour ( elderly ) took my wee sister every evening and me twice a week - FOC - and we would help with dog walking and learned to iron ( we always got a lovely cake )

Latch key kids were common in the 70's and everyone relied on everyone else to get by