AIBU to think this is a bit much to ask for school run?

What time would they need to drop child with you and what time do you leave for school?

Cant he drop her to work early then do all his own drop offs and pick ups, and you do all your own too. Say you're considering starting work yourself again and it'll be more awkward to undo the arrangement at that point.

It would be a no from me

I had this cfery about a month ago. DD's friend's mum asked me to take her DD to/from school as her car had died. DD was annoyed at me for saying no, because another friend's mum agreed. No way I was committing to that as it added another 30 minutes to my school run (they live a 15 min drive away, not next door!) and I just saw more work added to my plate with nothing being taken off it.

I did agree to pick them up for a concert about a week ago. The mum admitted a family member had bought her a car, but she refused it as 'she wanted to do things on her own'. Any twinge of guilt I had evaporated. I was quietly pissed off as a rare chance to spend time just DD & I had been hijacked, we'd had to shift our dinner plans around etc, to help someone who had refused a solution!

I've learned never commit to helping anyone who doesn't reciprocate. The expectation will increase in small increments & you'll end up being a free child minder.

I have been stung so many times for lifts which are not returned.

But mornings are chaos. No way would I agree to another child to get out and on the school run.

Just say you don't mind helping out in an emergency but you can't commit to 3 days a week.

This is the reality.
A huge imposition that she will never get, because she has avoided it.
No way would i entertain this.

Ask them what the quid pro quo will be?

They have an absolute idiot made of you.
I am so sorry OP.

You are being used as free childcare and will always have to factor in their child.

They are complete cheeky fxxkers.
Utter madness that you will regret, being dragged into their childcare.

I would say absolutely not.
I bet they wont let it go.
Cheeky fxxkers never accept no.
Stand firm.

If something unexpected had happened and they needed help for the rest of term whilst they figured out a better plan I would probably say yes but surely they knew at some point this was going to happen?

What was their original plan?

We had reciprocal school transport with various neighbours at different points. It was only transport so we were sent to the house a few minutes before they left for the school run so no childcare or getting ready. I don't think we even went into the house.

When I started high school I quite quickly worked out that one of the mums had a lower bar for "day off school" so if I was feeling ill enough to want to not be at school but not ill enough for my mum to let me have a day off I turn up looking sorry for myself and coughing. She would turn me around and tell my mum she didn't think I was well enough for school and I'd get the day off.

Ahh, OK. Well, this is a good time for her to try to get over it. I didn't drive for 15 years because of a phobia, but having a baby and a disability and living where public transport was rubbish forced me to address it. I just wanted to be able to take my toddler to places easily, like everyone else. Anyway, that's for her to decide, and whether she does tackle it or not is irrelevant, it's still not on to expect you to take this unpaid childcare on. It's too much to commit to, and you don't have to justify why you can't do it.

I once took a friend’s child for three months as a favour with parent working away… it changed the dynamic in our house as we do special advent calendars/treats from the elf etc and this child didn’t get that so I found myself holding back or buying extra etc. Our chats felt polite instead of spontaneous, literally hosting each morning and managing breakfast and meltdowns over things the parent forgot to send plus the day the child threw up and the mum said can I just keep her all day as she was at work and ‘it’s in your house now’ as if she wouldn’t have had to fetch them from school had it happened 30min later.

All 4 year olds should be in car seats or at least a HBB.

You say, 'that's fine - I've actually been looking for ways to make some extra money. Shall we say £15 an hour?'

Or 'the arrangement has been working well with me dropping off and you picking up but now you're returning to work it's all getting a bit complicated so let's go back to dropping off and picking up our own kids. Still very happy to help in an emergency'

They are making a mug of you. If she can’t drive or won’t drive he will need to drop her off 20/30min early to be back in time for school starting and take the kids with him in the morning!

He can also do pick ups with two kids if you can with one!!!

I'd honestly rather take and collect my own dc than deal with this rubbish! They are taking the piss!

🤣🤣🤣

I find that the issue with these things is usually not the actual hassle of doing it but more the fact that it starts to feel like it's obligatory and will cause bad feelings if you stop. Like when people get used to a lift and then get all mardy when you stop, despite the fact you've already done a lot more for them than the people that never taxied them about in the first place.

Ah. No. That i definitely wouldnt do 🤣

And considering how majorly thankful my neighbour has been about me walking her kid to school 3 days a week, im absoloutly amazed anyone could be cheeky enough to expect free childcare from 7.30am. OP is not a before school club!

This. Plus, it's just too much to commit to. Do we know why the mum chooses not to drive? Not that it matters but it seems unless she's got a driving phobia or something (I had one, but conquered it) seems daft not to drive if it would solve the problem.

well you’ve already done pick ups so I guess you can’t use the excuse you haven’t got enough car seats. Out of interest do people have extra car seats for guest children? I can never give lifts as my car is set up for my kids only.

but honestly I would say I can’t commit to that much, it’s too much. Relying on you because of work means you are (free) childcare