AIBU to think this is a bit much to ask for school run?

Posts like yours make me laugh! Criticising the OP for posting on Mumsnet for advice by posting on Mumsnet yourself. If it annoys you so much, why don't you just de-register?

I wouldn't say that or every morning would be "an emergency".

Fgs you could have sent the message by now, polite and firm that not going to work.

Instead of endless debating it on mumsnet

So your issue is that it’s not that evenly split anymore, as you have been helping each other out, you’re just not happy it’s no longer 50/50.

Personally, I wouldn’t see it as that big a deal seeing as you help each other out already, as presumably they can return the favour in other ways.

She wanted to drop her off an hour before we left, at 7.30, so I said no. She then left her daughter with another neighbour, who drops her off at ours just before we leave. On other days, she used to drop her off about 30 minutes before we left.

So it seems it’s already been resolved and an alternative arrangement made, and the OP just wanted a sanity-check that she wasn’t being unreasonable.

OP, what reason did you give for not doing it, and how did your neighbour take it?

I once agreed to give a neighbours child a lift to school with my dd. It started off that she was on our doorstep at set time ready to go. Then slowly but surely it ended up that I would be waiting for her or my dd would have to knock on their door to get her. One morning my DD refused to go get her so I agreed it’s not our job. We went without her that morning…funnily enough she still managed to get to school. She never turned up at the door again! Thank god!

@Kim926 “sorry no , that doesn’t work for me”

I wouldn’t do this. If you start it when she’s 5 you could be stuck with the arrangement for years! They can use breakfast club or a childminder like everyone else has to.

They don't want to be inconvenienced by having to do something they don't want to do - managing 3 kids, breakfast club, wife going to work earlier, wife driving, wife using public transport. But they are happy for you to be inconvenienced and having the extra burden of looking after 3 kids in the morning for nothing in return. Unbelievable. Do not accept this. It will only build resentment and destroy your friendship. If you were happy to have a 50/50 arrangement then stick to this boundary and tell them "things have been working well in the current 50/50 arrangement, if i were to do the 3 morning drop offs how could you pay me the favour in return to keep the balance". Or "I use that time in the morning for x,y,z, what kind of arrangement can we agree to where I can get some of the time back, happy to help you but I will some help in return".
Do they have 2 cars? How far away is the wife's work? If she won't drive, can she take public transport?

Have you told them yet?

I would do it but I'd charge. Say £150 a month.

So they are already using you to pick their child up from school, now they want you to do before school care and drop offs. This is exactly what happens with CF like this, they start small and gradually add to the load until you're providing their free childcare and transport all week.
I bet they never offer to do anything to help you out.
I learned this the hard way when my kids were small. It's easier to say no now than it is to put a stop to the arrangement once it's already started.
It's a massive obligation to have to take care of other people's children like this. What happens when your child is sick or you have other things to do? It'll be all about them and how you're letting them down.

Wait. So they've been taking your kid all this time, and now they're asking the favour back you won't do it???

Thats your answer then
No

I think because not many cars fit 4 car seats.

So of the 10 school runs a week, you’re currently doing 5 each, and they want that to change to you doing 8 and them doing 2?

Did they offer any sweetener when they asked? It is an imposition and will make your life a little less pleasant for their financial benefit so you shouldn’t feel in any way like you ought to do it. But you will be doing the school runs anyway so if you can think of something they could do that would be worth it to you (a couple of hours childcare ever Saturday morning, say) then it might be worth considering.

I see why it feels awkward to turn them down as they are neighbours and you might want help and goodwill in the future, not to mention just general good feeling. But if there’s no reciprocation, this will just leave you feeling like a harried mug. I’d say something like “Carol, you want us to go from sharing 50/50 to me doing 80%? Really? That’s not something I’d be happy with. Come to that, I’m not sure about doing 5 pickups if you’re only going to be taking DS in twice a week. It’s not really fair, is it?”

I think it is definitely a lot to ask of you.
and why can’t they reciprocate? Along with their child you basically have 3. With one adult in the car there would be space for your child as well as their 3?

also you have to consider what happens on mornings where your child is unwell and not going to school. They’d probably still expect you to take theirs! No reciprocity, definitely not. With a reciprocal arrangement - possibly but it’s still a lot to ask.

I used to have a similar arrangement with my next door neighbour but one. Three days a week she had my children from 8am, took them to school with hers, collected them afterwards and then looked after them until I got home at 6.

It was an arrangement that suited as both. The difference was that I paid her as a childminder (and indeed she registered as one).

It’s too much to ask as a favour.

Just some insight I have a driving phobia. I can drive with someone in the car with me but I cannot drive on my own I have panic attacks. I’m trying to work through it but it’s quite difficult. However I plan my life around the fact I can’t drive. And wouldn’t choose an option where I had to drive as I know I couldn’t. How long is her commute could they not take the children to work and then drop off at school? Could they use a breakfast club at school?

A regular commitment is different to occasionally helping out a neighbour with a school drop off. Without any reciprocal arrangement this will feel like unpaid extra work (thats what it is, because i paid my childminder 120 pounds a month for the service you will be providing for free to your neighbour)
It really depends how you feel about this though.

This is a lot to ask. She should be compensating like she would a childminder.

What’s wrong with the dad that he can’t do the school run with 2 smaller children? I had 3 under 4 when my eldest started foundation and we just all went.

They should have asked before making any decisions about their working arrangements

I would be unimpressed if an adult said they were incapable of bringing what I believe would be 4 children home from school (he’d have 3 of his own and your one) unless there are some exceptional circumstances like the children having special needs of some kind

I have done stuff like this in the past, but sometimes it turns into a greater commitment for example, would you be expected to provide breakfast for the child? What if mum increases her hours/days/decides to work long days