AIBU to not lend a dress to a family member?

Teaching children that they are allowed to say no and mean it is an invaluable gift.

All the people saying lend the dress, and that the OP's daughter is being precious not to, how do you feel about wedding dresses? For most people it's the most expensive piece of clothing they've bought and the majority never wear it again. Should the first in a group of friends to marry buy the dress, and then it can just get passed around the rest if it fits? Or are brides allowed to love their dress and want to keep it to themself?

£500 is a very expensive dress, so I wouldn't lend it to anyone, whereas a £50 dress I'd probably be happy to lend, but even then if I really loved it and couldn't replace it I wouldn't want to.

In my head I have decided it’s a Nadine merabi dress. It helps me decide what I would do!
i absolutely would not lend to anyone . Not a soul. Ever.

im shocked how many people would lend such an expensive dress!

This ^^^

Point them in the direction of Vinted - and YNBU!!

The fact that they're trying to pressure your daughter after she's said no tells me all I need to know about these cheeky fuckers 🤣

It's not on the same level at all, but I once loaned a pair of earrings that I loved to a friend for a party and she wrecked them! They were feathery from Top shop or something but were special to me as a 15 year old. Do we think my friend apologised appropriately or offered to replace or pay for them?

I'm glad your daughter is standing her ground.

I'd say yes ok, as long as if I am.not happy with the condition when returned, no quibbling, the cost is £400. Or just say no, she plans wearing it to many events and doesn't want to share it.

I suppose it depends on what values you want to pass on. Teaching children to be kind, is an invaluable gift. The dress will be irrelevant in a year or two.

If the other child can't afford a dress, there are loads on vinted. I've just kitted myself out for a 'high society' event for £35. I'd expect at least £600 if I bought new. This isn't you or your daughter's responsibility to fix. The other girl needs to discover vinted and sort herself out.

I am sorry your outfit got ruined but I LOVE your reaction

Fond memory…

I had a friend once who borrowed a very cute outfit from me. It was my favourite at the time.
When she returned it, she wore it over to my house instead of bringing on a coathanger.
She thought I would simply supply her with another outfit to wear back home.
She’d gotten black stains on the front that looked like grease - they looked like grease, and wouldn’t come out.
The outfit was ruined.
She lived 2 streets over and since she could walk down the alleys, I showed her the door in the her knickers and bra.

She said sorry but she couldn’t manage to say “thank you for loaning me your favourite outfit.”

How on earth can you be sure that the girl would be extra careful with OP's DD's dress? OP has said that they are careless people and yet you, a complete stranger to them, apparently knows more about them than OP does.

Anyway, OP's DD doesn't want to lend her dress and OP supports her decision.

I personally wouldnt lend a dress. Or want to borrow one.

Exactly. I have bitter experience of that too. Bought a beautiful silk 'any occasion' dress that I'd never worn. My sister came round to my house, begged and pleaded and I gave in. I had to ask her for it back - and had to collect it too, to add insult to injury. She'd worn it, bunged it in the washer and handed me back the shrivelled, heavily creased lump of cloth. NEVER loan anything you love or value yourself...including books. goods or money = GIVE if you can afford to.

My DD's dress was $495, not including jewelry, shoes, gloves. This was in 1996. She is tall and many of the prom dresses were just too short. This one actually had to be shortened. Have no clue where it is now.

nah....they are CF's they will take that as an opportunity to argue about it. The answer is "sorry no" rinse and repeat

They want to borrow it for an 18th, not even a prom.

and WHY is this shit being directed by OTHER WOMEN. why the fuck are women peddling this "be kind" crap to other women? Its crab bucket, that's what it is!

I certainly wouldn’t allow another family member to borrow your daughter‘s prom dress. To be honest, I think the other family had a cheek to ask. Most of senior schools in my area have prom dresses donated to them and therefore have a supply of beautiful dress dresses in all shapes and sizes for those that cannot afford their own. I would direct your family member to asking if their school has something similar or as someone else suggested to hire a prom dress. would certainly stand your ground no matter what other family may say.,

It's a £500 dress which OP's daughter doesn't want to risk anyone ruining which is more than fair enough.

If someone doesn't accept no for an answer, they may resort to asking for deposits instead. Wouldn't be necessary if they knew that no means no.

why is ANY of that relevant?

If cost is the issue, the other girl's parents could always hire a dress. Think it's a bit cheeky of them to be telling you and DD what to do about something she owns and is precious to her.

I was a bridesmaid when about 12 and was given a beautiful expensive pale blue dress to wear and keep. A friend asked afterwards if she could borrow it to play Cinderella in a play. My mum said yes and it got completely trashed. It was never replaced or even mentioned. I was v upset. So no, don’t lend stuff you don’t want to. People are careless and ungrateful imo.

If you don't want to lend it, but they aren't taking no for an answer just ask what date the event is and then say 'ahh no dd has a party/concert/dinner etc that day and will be wearing the dress herself'.

someone who knows that people who won't take a polite no for an answer are CF's

if they have the money to replace it, why not just go out and buy one? The OP has already said that she doesn't think they could cover the cost of the dress.....In any case the dress's owner has said no. That should be enough