AIBU to not lend a dress to a family member?

Yes 😅

Or not come back at all.

I remember lending a family friend a dress I adored when we were teenagers and she never returned it, even denied she'd ever borrowed it after a while!

umm no you were not.

I would text and say please stop texting myself and daughter. I have told you the answer is no and that’s the end of it. People take the piss, especially family. You need to put your foot down and tell them straight. You don’t owe explanations, justifications or excuses.

I’d step in on my daughter’s behalf and say no so she can step out of the conversation other than “Mum said no”. You don’t have to give a reason. No is a full sentence.

I think it’s telling you who they are that they want to borrow an expensive dress that they cannot guarantee won’t get damaged. I would only ever borrow things I was confident I could care for, but at a party you’re surrounded by many people all eating and drinking and the possibility for disaster is endless. Why would you want to take that risk with someone elses’s precious dress? It would be so stressful.

No way! I am amazed that anyone would even think to ask!
This is part of memory that belongs to your daughter and the dress is special to her, not anyone else, it's a keepsake.
Tell your rude relatives to stop asking as you are not going to risk it being damaged and that's that!

why dont all the other family members with an opinion chip in for a dress for the young girl who needs one ?

Maybe all.these relatives pressurising you could club together and get her something- even if off Vinted or hire - if they feel so strongly?!

Absolutely spot on.

@DeathByZaraTrousers don't worry about the "keyboard warriors" trying to make themselves feel good by lending out YOUR valuable items. You can tell from the poll that they're just a vocal minority.

This is always done out of jealousy. If the dress was cheap and from any odd shop, no one would want it.

You know what they say about verbal agreements don't you ... not worth the paper they're written on!

Only lend it on payment of £250 deposit to be returned when the dress is returned in the same condition that it was lent.

@DeathByZaraTrousers
You should not lend her the dress
It'll come back needing at least to be laundered
If not damaged in someway "by accident"
Also
Ask yourself
If you'd asked them would they??
Cheaper dresses are available out there........

When i was a teenager I made all of my own clothes. I made evening dresses. I have made a prom dress. I have made a wedding dress. I saved a fortune.

I have just dug out some old Patterns and am adjusting them to make flouncy summer skirts.

Time for the relative to learn how to sow. Patterns are expensive nowadays but she can probably get one from etsy. Head off to the local market for some material, and off she goes.
I'm all for teaching teenagers the facts of life.

And, before everyone starts screaming indignation, yes - my daughter can make her own clothes.

I wouldn't lend it out and I'd respond 'We've said no and we won't be discussing it any further.' Then not respond to any more messages about it.

I stupidly lent a treasured item to someone a few months ago, on the understanding it would be looked after, and it's been 'lost' or misplaced and I'm heartbroken over it. People just don't care and it's such a horrible feeling.

I still have my prom dress, it was very expensive when it was brought (even by today's standards!) and I've kept it this long incase my daughter wants to wear it one day. I doubt it as it's far from the 'in' style at all, but so far my DD seems to not GAF about that kind of thing.

The point is to the relative asking it is just a dress, to your DD it is a prized expensive favourite item of clothing with memories and sentiment attached as well so it has irreplaceable value to her.

You are not wrong to say no, if it was just a normal dress or a never to be worn again dress then you would be, but it's not.

You could suggest to the family members telling you to lend it, that instead everyone could put in £50 into a kitty so they can buy her own.. maybe they will be quiet then!!

I never lend anything anymore after learning the hard way over and over again. Things not returned, lost, damaged, or people being stroppy and difficult about being asked to return the item. I sometimes give people things that they need or like but only if I choose to.

I'm another reformed people pleaser. There seem to be a lot of us among the over 40 female crowd.

The question was ‘pass your details on to OP’ and you said ‘I have’.

So, have you done it now?

Just no.

i lent a beach umbrella to a friend when she went on holiday. It never worked properly after that.

i lent a pram to a cousin for a week. Her dog chewed one corner and i was unable to sell it.

So it’s definitely a no from me.

Do you have special powers to see the future, know things about strangers?

Please do let us all in on the secret of how you know the niece will be extra careful and do dry cleaning. Do you use your abilities for good purposes?

I was talking about passing dresses on to others

My mother had my first holy communion dress made out of her wedding dress. She leant it to my cousin for my cousin’s daughter (cousin is quite a bit older than me so was a mother when I was 7)
cousin’s daughter completely ruined the dress and we never saw it again

no I would not lend the dress

God, no! I wouldn't lend out a dress that had cost that much t anyone, family or not!

This isn't about whether you should lend out the dress or not.

This is about them not respecting your answer and trying to pressure you and your daughter.

It's her dress and her choice.

I am a very generous person. There are lots of things I would happily lend or give away. But there are a few things that I love that I would never lend in case they were ruined. Some are expensive, some have sentimental value, and some are too old and loved to be replaced.

I don't mind people asking to borrow things, but if they don't respect a 'no', they won't hear much from me again.