AIBU to not lend a dress to a family member?

This!!!

I was badgered to lend a dress I wore for the evening party of my wedding. I loved to bits. It was just an LBD but I'd had it made especially to fit me. (which I'd never done before) The person who wanted to borrow it was a completely different size and shape and height and would have had to make some substantical alterations, ( although they denied this) and I'd never have been able to wear it again. It took me so long to find what I wanted, and it was so special to me that I just didn't want to lend it. They were , predictably furious.

Your DD's dress is special and it sounds liek the people wanting to borrow it are not trustworthy in terms of looking after it.
Stand up to them. Show your DD its OK to say no to bad demands like this.

When does she want the dress for? If it's next week it's at the dry cleaners isn't it. It needs specialist cleaning😊

Your daughter should not be put under pressure to lend the dress. Very presumptuous attitude and you can never guarantee something won’t get spoiled.

Never a borrower or a lender be.
Worth remembering. Its generally good advice.

Tell the girl's mum to hire a dress instead. Much cheaper.

What a hassle. They could just accept the answer is no, sort their own dress out and stop hassling OP and her daughter.

Why should anyone have to go through that kind of hassle, especially if they then have to make a claim? Just so someone else can use their stuff?

No, you’re doing the right thing. She should only loan if she expects not to wear it again and wants to loan. Neither of those things apply here. I speak from bitter experience (in my 50s), I remember my mum loaning my favourite toy to a neighbours child. They not only broke my toy but when their dad came to collect them he brought them a brand new one- which they kept! I’m still fuming.

Really? You don't think that would make the would-be-borrower even more careless with the dress, because - meh, she'll get the money back so what's the problem if I sit on the grass / spill red wine / vomit over it?

The dress is precious to OP's daughter. She wants to keep it for future events, and indeed has already worn it again. It's irreplaceable. She doesn't want to lend it, and she shouldn't be pressured to do so.

Could you ask them to insure the dress, that should not cost a lot.

What now?

Never EVER EVER tell a CF that someone finds it hard to say no.

My rule about lending, whether it's money or belongings, is never lend something that you can't afford/don't want to lose! I would not want to lend a special dress regardless of what it cost me.

No means no, and it's absolutely reasonable to refuse. You are not required to provide a reason. These people are obvious very cheeky and pushy to keep trying to objection handle you, when you have provided reasons why.

I'd suggest to stop giving them reasons and excuses, and just say no, she does not want to lend it to anyone. That's it.

No is a complete sentence!

I’ve learnt the hard way by ‘lending’ things and never seeing them again, or if I do they’re trasged. clothes/shoes/cash/cds etc. now I’m of the view and teach my kids the same, if you’re not fussed about it /don’t mind not having it back again then that’s fine. If you’re attached to it or if you can’t afford to be without/replace it, then don’t lend it.
sadly even the most trusted people can turn out grabby or inconsiderate/careless. The fact you can see how they’re viewing this and the lack of thought for your daughters feelings or the dress, I’d say it was the right decision
im with your daughter and kudos to her for sticking to her guns!

Text:

'Sorry but XXX won't be lending her dress. It's the most expensive and special piece of clothing she has ever owned and she is saving it to wear to special occasions. We don't want to risk bad feelings/a falling out if something were to happen to it, as I appreciate it would be expensive to replace. Please can you stop asking DD to borrow it as she doesn't want to loan it but finds it hard to say 'no'. Thanks"

they haven't got the money.

the book is better

I have a dress I wore to my best friend's 18th and I still have it! If I'd lent it to someone and they'd ruined it there would be so many years and occasions I wouldn't have had use of it.

Only this.

It’s an expensive dress. They should not have asked to borrow it in the first place. Not only should you not lend it you should not have been put in the difficult position of refusing to lend it.
the only acceptable situation where she could have borrowed it is if your daughter had offered.

The dress is precious to your daughter and great she wants to wear it again. She obviously appreciates the value of it and I’m not just talking about the actual cost.
Her relative can get something nice from FB marketplace or Vinted

I wouldn't lend the dress, she can easily pick up a nice dress for under £80 that would look lovely, there's no need to borrow your daughter's expensive dress. You know dam well if it was trashed you wouldn't be getting a replacement, I wouldn't risk it, if it was a £50 dress they could replace then fine, but they clearly don't have the money to replace it.

I’ve just watched Mrs Harris Goes To Paris. The ultimate warning about lending precious things to grasping people.

@DeathByZaraTrousers You are doing the right thing supporting your DD to say ‘No’.

What about the other £250?

There is no way that I would lend the dress. Your daughter doesn’t want to so that is the end of it. It doesn’t mean that she isn’t kind as some posters are insinuating. People tie themselves up in knots finding ways and reasons for others to help people, without having to do anything themselves. Cheeky fuckers.