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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not lend a dress to a family member?

690 replies

DeathByZaraTrousers · 10/07/2026 16:41

First world problems, I know.

My daughter had her year 11 prom last year. We bought her a lovely dress for it, not from a prom dress shop but a dress that she could wear again to weddings and parties. She has already worn it to another event. It cost about £500.

Another young person in the family is now asking to borrow it for an event. My daughter doesn’t want to lend it to her as she doesn’t want to risk it being ruined. We are now both getting texts from other family members to say my daughter should lend the dress to the other girl, she’s family, she won’t ruin it, she can’t afford her own etc.

I’ve told my daughter to ignore them, but would other people really lend out their clothes. My daughter would be gutted if it was ruined and I’m sure they wouldn’t pay for it, as they wouldn’t have the money.

Are we being unreasonable to not lend the dress?

OP posts:
PibblyWibbly · 10/07/2026 16:49

overflowingbin · 10/07/2026 16:45

If they really can’t afford a dress for her, I would. I’m happy to lend my things (except shoes!) and I’ve never had any issues.

And you would be happy to have spend another £500 to replace it if something happens to the dress? They have already made it clear they cannot afford a £500 dress so they definitely wouldn't replace it themselves!

Original poster
DeathByZaraTrousers · 10/07/2026 16:49

overflowingbin · 10/07/2026 16:45

If they really can’t afford a dress for her, I would. I’m happy to lend my things (except shoes!) and I’ve never had any issues.

Out of interest, if an expensive item had been ruined, what would you have expected to happen? Would you just accept the loss?

OP posts:
eish · 10/07/2026 16:48

Different if she was never going to wear it again (but even the. It would be within her right). No one can guarantee it won’t get ruined, what they actually mean is she would try to look after it and wouldn’t mean to ruin it if she did. Stick to your guns.

overflowingbin · 10/07/2026 16:48

LibraryLady26 · 10/07/2026 16:45

This is totally true. You're teaching your daughter not to be a doormat.

Show quote history

Alternatively, you could teach her to help others, if she can. Better to give than to receive and all that…..

Original poster
DeathByZaraTrousers · 10/07/2026 16:47

To be clear, I am backing my daughter 100%. If she had said she was lending it to her, I’d have advised her not to. We are being made to feel like this is a completely normal request but I don’t think it is. I’d never lend my clothes out to anyone, other than my daughter if she wanted to them.

OP posts:
ElsieJay · 10/07/2026 16:47

Aiming4Optimistic · 10/07/2026 16:44

No one has a right to your daughter's belongings. She doesn't want to lend it, so that's the end of it. Show your daughter that you will support her and not allow her to be bullied by cheeky fuckers who don't like to hear the word 'no'!
it's important to advocate for her and teach her not to be a pushover:people pleaser!

Totally agree with you .

Learningdutch · 10/07/2026 16:47

No she might sell it on Vinted like another poster's daughter.

Shinyandnew1 · 10/07/2026 16:46

Sorry, we aren’t lending it out as we can’t afford to replace it.

Bloody cheeky to keep asking once you’ve been told no.

overflowingbin · 10/07/2026 16:45

If they really can’t afford a dress for her, I would. I’m happy to lend my things (except shoes!) and I’ve never had any issues.

IronEverything · 10/07/2026 16:45

Nobody should ever ask to borrow an item that they couldn't/wouldn't replace if anything happens to it. Tell them to get on vinted like everyone else who can't afford to pay retail prices.

LibraryLady26 · 10/07/2026 16:45

Aiming4Optimistic · 10/07/2026 16:44

No one has a right to your daughter's belongings. She doesn't want to lend it, so that's the end of it. Show your daughter that you will support her and not allow her to be bullied by cheeky fuckers who don't like to hear the word 'no'!
it's important to advocate for her and teach her not to be a pushover:people pleaser!

This is totally true. You're teaching your daughter not to be a doormat.

MyAgileUser · 10/07/2026 16:45

No no no no.
it will come back ruined (bitter experience…)

Aiming4Optimistic · 10/07/2026 16:44

No one has a right to your daughter's belongings. She doesn't want to lend it, so that's the end of it. Show your daughter that you will support her and not allow her to be bullied by cheeky fuckers who don't like to hear the word 'no'!
it's important to advocate for her and teach her not to be a pushover:people pleaser!

LibraryLady26 · 10/07/2026 16:44

No way! She is under no obligation to lend the dress to anyone.

Notsurenotsurenotsure · 10/07/2026 16:42

I would just say that you can't afford to replace it so don't want to risk bad feelings between the girls if it does get accidentally damaged, but [insert shop name here] does reasonably priced dress hire