AIBU to not lend a dress to a family member?

When i was 17 i was mildly bullied into lending someone a top. It wasn’t expensive but it was one of my favourite items of clothing - I never got it back

What I don't get is why doesn't she just buy her a new dress? If she could afford a £500 dress then surely she should be able to buy someone else one too?
Personally I think she could pay her rent and wipe her arse too, whilst she is at it, otherwise she just isn't a good person!

I'd tell them that the dress was very expensive and is of special significance to DD and then offer them some other, cheaper dresses that DD owns so as to look kind and generous.
It's really very cheeky to ask for it. It's like asking to borrow someone's wedding dress.

It's not unreasonable for them to ask to borrow a dress but neither is it unreasonable to refuse to do it. And it's definitely unreasonable for them to keep harassing your family about it. If the girl's family genuinely doesn't have money to buy a prom dress, I would offer £50 towards the cost of it, as there are plenty of inexpensive dresses to be had either in current sales or on vinted. Obviously only if you can afford to give away this money, but I presume you could given you were able to spend £500 on a dress.

Don't lend it. I've had all sorts of things lost or ruined by people I've lent them to.

DDs are like me, they would loan it.

Yes it is good to teach your children to be helpful and kind, but yo7u should also teach yoir children to have boundaries and not being a pushover.
The op dd will understandably be upset if anything happens to the dress so she should not lend it. There is plenty of stuff on Vinted, Ebay etc

It's fine to say no to this kind of request. But not outrageous to ask a cousin or close friend to borrow something nice to wear for a special event. The outrageous bit is going on about it after being told no.

Your daughter should not loan out the dress - it’s her dress, expensive and has its own memories already.

Never lend what you wouldn’t give. In other words if you can’t afford to give away this dress then don’t lend it. End.

So don’t do it then. You asked if YABU, I think you are. We are all different.

Would you "do it for the child" by lending something belonging to someone else? It's irrelevant who paid for it, this dress still belongs to OP's daughter.

Stand strong. 1000% it will come back damaged (it won’t be looked after because it isn’t a precious thing to them like it is to your daughter) and they will never replace or offer to fix it. An excellent opportunity to teach her there’s no need to “be nice” in circumstances like these.

If she can’t afford it, then she should do what my daughter did, and buy one second-hand from Vinted.

A lack of planning on her part doesn’t make an emergency on yours…

that's up to you, why do you think others should do the same?

Someone telling you they would replace the item is not the same as someone PAYING you for the item.

Bet they would start saying it was second hand, too expensive, and there's no way they would spend that amount of cash on one dress 😂

You are doing the right thing, it is a cherished possession and is not for renting out.
If you had other things you could lend as an alternative then do so just not this dress.

I paid for my own prom dress, via my part time job, because my parents weren’t interested. It is different now, far, far fewer young people have part time jobs and most parents pay for these things. As op did for her own daughter. And, I don’t think op said it’s the child involved who is asking for this dress, rather her parents and other relatives?

I would lend the dress and just ask them to look after it. Generosity is a good lesson also?

What a strange conclusion you have come to.
Just say no to lending the dress shouldn't have to mean end of relationship, from OP's side anyway.

OP has made it clear that the item would not be respected and the relatives are unlikely to give any guarantees.

And if it did get ruined, that leaves the owner of the dress without anything to wear for any other occasions which might be coming up, and without cash as the CF relative pays it back at 50p a week.

Of course not. Goodness people really are CFs. Your daughter wants to keep the dress for future use, lending it out would be potentially disastrous.

Side note, no one needs a £500 prom dress. These things are getting a little out of hand and I do feel for families who can’t afford to keep up with trends.

No, never a borrower or lender be. They can hire a dress and this 'what you have, I want, or need, should have, but I'm not paying for it' can go and do one!!

I am getting on a bit and in all my years I have never been asked to borrow an item of clothing, nor have I asked anyone (other than mum!). I certainly wouldn't have asked to borrow anything so expensive.

It's ok to tell children no. In fact, I would say it's an important part of growing up and life.

You are being very dramatic! And no, I would loan it, on the very clear understanding that if it was ruined, it was to be replaced, or the money paid back, over time. If they did not agree to that, I wouldn’t loan it.